the lovers as relationship outcome when not together

Hi ColudRain!

The first thing I wanted to share with you, it just a personal opinion and an observation is that when we get too emotional about something, when we hurt a lot, when we want something really bad and we ask the Tarot question about that thing Tarot has a tendency to show the things we want or the thing that would make us happy. But this is the impression of the spread only at first glance. So you see the Lovers card and you think about it as love and union, but I agree with people who already have posted that in this particular spread is more like a choice. There are some other ways for a Tarot to illustrate a choice but it answers with this card because it's more comforting for you.
There are some images of the loves who show three people, not only two - so are you sure that there isn't someone out there, different than your ex who you can be happy with?

CloudRain899 said:

Hi,
I am so glad to read that someone else has gotten this card upright after a break up. That literally was the spread and by integration do you mean with the self? I just had a spiritual (not tarot, just more psychological) reading and the guy said romances are like mirrors to show us parts of ourselves. Well I can definitely see that with this guy. Is that what you meant?

I wish it was reversed in a way because that would have made perfect sense. Strange messges we receive sometimes isn't it from Tarot

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Whoa CloudRain I didn't even see that you asked a question of me...and I've been watching this thread. I have no idea how I missed this. By "perfect integration" I mean the "ideal." I mean the integration that takes place between two people who can "cleave unto the other" (as the Bible says) - "integration" as the state of two people who are able to find a foothold for themselves in the other person's attributes and personality and spirituality and energy and etc.
I'm not sure about ever having gotten it as integration with the self although that is always definitely an issue (and one that I've been thinking of lately as we tend to compartmentalize ourselves to more easily go with with society and whatnot which causes a less than optimal situation within our internal environment and leads to all kinds of messed up life issues). I might have gotten the Lovers in exactly that way and just never interpreted it as such...but I think, that compartmentalization vs. integration issue is a life-long journey - even an eons-long journey so unless there is a very hectic or energetic issue with a person, I don't know if "self-integration" would be my go-to when the Lovers came up.

When the Lovers came up for me after a break-up, I ended up in a living situation that was truly ideal. I had been living with my ex, we broke up, and I ended up having to move out of the ex's place. I didn't know what I was going to do. I searched for places and got so discouraged because of the horrible neighborhoods and distances from where I needed to be...until I went to the very first place on my list that I had actually crossed off my list (phone mix-up). I decided to give it a shot and it ended up being ideal in every way (COMPLETE with shag carpet, which is odd in this day and age but throw-back 60's child that I am, I was in ecstasies). I literally breathed deeply and knew I was home when I drove in for the first time (it was like a fairy tale )
In retrospect, though it was a painful, painful, disappointing time, I think my relationship with him was, in the grand scheme of things, the catapult to me getting into a perfect situation where I could have quiet, and relative isolation to explore myself and get closer to my ideal state by undoing a lot of the compartmentalization that I had acquired over the years, which I did do and am still working on.
In the context of my post-breakup reading (I can't remember the exact question(s): the major standout point in that broken up relationship was the living situation. I had some pretty severe issues with living in someone else's house but he and I had a whirlwind romance and it just happened - I moved in with him and we careened toward marriage...then came the deep-seeded living-space issues I had. There was so much tension because of my discomfort that all of our other issues could not be worked through or solved. In that context, I think that the Lovers came up to let me know that I would soon be in an ideal living situation which would allow me to heal/integrate the fractured parts of myself - a fracture that would continue to become increasingly problematic if not addressed.
The Lovers was a LOVELY message from the universe. The breakup was leveling (I was getting the Tower constantly at the time btw) but the Lovers card appeared to let me know that my long-term issues would be addressed with an ideal situation and that this would be life-alteringly and wholistically (Major Arcana) IDEAL.
When you are dealing with the Major Arcana, you've got some serious life-changing things happening, I think. Are you getting a lot of Majors in your readings? I remember that at that time, I would have entire readings that were almost nothing but Majors, it was crazy.

Overall, I love the Lovers every time it comes up . You might not be feeling good when it comes up, and even for a while after it comes up but in my experience, man! Lovers card upright never disappoints (as long as it's not "crossing" or something, and even then it doesn't disappoint, not long-term, as long as you step into the message that you are being asked to receive).

Another add

So, as an outcome card, the Lovers might be telling you that the break-up situation is leading you to a Lovers ending - temporarily with yourself so that you can get to the real Lover of a Lifetime. Not necessarily what one wants to hear when all you want is the current object of affection but you won't regret it when the Lovers makes itself felt, I don't think.

CloudRain899 said:

Hi thank you I found this article:
http://www.loveisontheway.com/2013/...and-how-they-can-help-you-manifest-true-love/

So I do think he was a soulmate, but more in accordance with this article.

I see you pointed out soemthing very important. He as the man was shallow and only interested in physicality. I the woman took the experience as something deeper and more spiritual so it is my gift that I can learn something from this whole thing. thank you for pointing that out to me

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The Lovers at the end of a reading usually indicates that a choice is to be made by you to follow your desires in search of something more sacred and satisfying as giving in to the strong ego-will, may lead to destruction as it almost always does. Without knowing what the other cards are or their positions, it's tough to say, but alone, the Lovers indicates you you probably would do well to accept that his choice to have a physical relationship is over, and go for a higher level of spirituality, choosing yourself, and to meet your needs from a higher level. That's my take anyway. I admit, it is hard here not to be influenced by your statements that he says he does not love you and never wants to see you again. People tend to mean what they say, especially if the break up has lasted more for than a few days after a lovers spat. He doesn't leave a lot of grey area for allowing your imagination to get too far out of control. Also, you commented that you might end up having a baby by him if you were to see him. I think you deserve a much better relationship than having the child of a man who does not even want to be around you, and was cold or clear enough to let you know that. The choice for a higher spiritually satisfying relationship is making more sense here. The attraction may still be there, and the sex could happen again, but if I were you, I would keep going and think about your happiness in the future with someone who adores you and expresses how much he loves and respects you and wants you to have his children, and not someone who has rejected you. The Lovers tell you in a reading that you may need to regroup and reassess your goals and desires, asking yourself what exactly attracts you to this guy, or other guys who also may have taken advantage of you or caused you to feel hurt. I wish you the best in sorting out how to proceed, which is another meaning of the Lovers.