5 of swords is really stalking me!

Pique Dame

I keep getting this card in my readings. Twice it came up as the future of a relationship (or a potential one at least). This morning, it came up again. The person in question and I spent all day together yesterday. We went out to coffee, then to a pub to have a few drinks and watch football, then went back to his place, drank some wine, had sex a couple of times, sat in his hot tub for a while and talked. It was a very nice time. Absolutely nothing "5 of swords-ish" about it at all. He hadn't gotten a lot of sleep the night before so he was pretty tired and struggling to rally, but he pulled through and I'd say it ended up being a wonderful day. I pulled a few cards this morning to ask how he felt about certain aspects of our day together and this came up as the very first card for his feelings about our time together in general. I really can't say for sure where this is coming from. While we were in the hot tub, we did talk about politics (namely the upcoming presidential election and our views on the different candidates) but we are actually in agreement with our political beliefs so it wasn't like a debate or an argument, but a genuinely riveting discussion about important current events. I'm quite intellectually stimulated by him and I'd like to think he feels the same. Is it possible for the 5 of swords to be indicating that here?
Also, the last question in the spread I asked was what are his current feelings about me, and I drew 7 of Pents Rx clarified by Ace of Wands. Normally I might read that as feeling like your time or effort has been wasted, but when clarified by Ace of Wands, I'm wondering if he's done deliberating about where this is going and is ready to take action.
He seemed like he really enjoyed himself and wasn't feeling defeated in any way at all. 5 of swords keeps coming up in my spreads but I have yet to pinpoint what it actually means because the kinds of things you would expect with that card just aren't happening and I see no signs of it happening anytime soon.

Laurelle

Maybe it means that both of you are hiding your true feelings and ulterior motives. It really seems like both of you like each other and are already in a relationship, but neither one of you will admit it because you both think it's some kind of game to all this.

You spend all day with a man and have riveting conversations along with being intimate, to me, seems exactly like a relationship.

I think you are there. Both of you just need to have an honest talk and stop pretending like your feelings for each other are some kind of bad thing.

Has he been really hurt in prior relationships too? It sounds like both of you feel if you expose your true feelings you'll be vulnerable, so neither one will do it first.

Just a perspective.

SwordOfTruth

Pique Dame said:
He seemed like he really enjoyed himself and wasn't feeling defeated in any way at all. 5 of swords keeps coming up in my spreads but I have yet to pinpoint what it actually means because the kinds of things you would expect with that card just aren't happening and I see no signs of it happening anytime soon.

It could just be pointing to a hidden aspect that is yet to be revealed. Not necessarily a bad thing. Five of swords is stalking me too at the moment but I am certain that it relates to my own internal mindset. How do you feel about him and this situation? Are there any doubts in the back of your mind? It's all I can think of for this one.

Pique Dame

Laurelle said:
Maybe it means that both of you are hiding your true feelings and ulterior motives. It really seems like both of you like each other and are already in a relationship, but neither one of you will admit it because you both think it's some kind of game to all this.

I would've thought 7 of swords would be more hiding something or having ulterior motives. 5 of swords is more of victor vs. vanquished, IMO. That's why I thought maybe it stood for a battle of wits/words, even though there didn't seem to be any loser in the conversation. I don't see it as a game and it's not like I'm refusing to admit to anything, I'm just extremely cautious about putting the card before the horse here. Until 'The Talk' has been had, there are no labels being applied anywhere. I've made that mistake before.

Laurelle said:
You spend all day with a man and have riveting conversations along with being intimate, to me, seems exactly like a relationship.

Well it "seems" like one, but I've been in a similar situation and learned the hard way that what I thought we were, we actually weren't, even though it "seemed" like we were. I will never make that mistake again.

Laurelle said:
I think you are there. Both of you just need to have an honest talk and stop pretending like your feelings for each other are some kind of bad thing.

Well, feelings are a bad thing when you find out they're unrequited or are turned and used against you. I want to have a talk with him but I'm having a hard time feeling him out to see if he's even ready to have a talk with me or if I'm better off letting well enough alone for the time being. I feel like things are going really well for us right now and maybe that's because I haven't pushed him to put a label on what we are.

Laurelle said:
Has he been really hurt in prior relationships too? It sounds like both of you feel if you expose your true feelings you'll be vulnerable, so neither one will do it first.

His last relationship (which lasted over 3 years) ended very badly. I don't know what exactly happened, but I have a feeling it has a lot to do with his current mindset. I definitely don't want to be the first to expose myself. I'd rather him do it first, and maybe he's waiting for me to do the same. But, like I said, that's what I thought before. So I took initiative and brought it up, then got my head chopped off to the point where I still haven't completely healed from it.

SwordOfTruth said:
It could just be pointing to a hidden aspect that is yet to be revealed. Not necessarily a bad thing. Five of swords is stalking me too at the moment but I am certain that it relates to my own internal mindset. How do you feel about him and this situation? Are there any doubts in the back of your mind? It's all I can think of for this one.

What a stalkerish card! You feel like it's a mental thing, kind of like 9 of swords? I definitely care about him as more than just a FWB and I do like him and I'm curious to see if this can go anywhere, but I do have my doubts, too. I feel like this would be a very challenging relationship. (I'm a Pisces, he's a Sagittarius, and most sources say that pairing is doomed to fail before it even starts!) I don't know if we have what it takes to go the distance. I could be wrong, but it would require a lot of work on both out parts.

I did a clarifying spread on 5 of Swords this morning ("It does NOT mean this, and this won't help," etc.). The card I pulled for what it does mean was Ace of Swords, which is the clarifier I drew the last time this card came up. I also did a separate spread about what would happen if I did have a talk with him and got 6 of Wands, which was the clarifier I drew the previous time the 5 of swords came up! All of those cards have a common theme of victory. Maybe I've 'won' him? Not the most positive or romantic way to phrase it, but perhaps it's message the tarot is trying to convey.

Laurelle

There was a link to a spread that I can't find now....wish I had that link....but this isn't my idea....

But when a card keeps coming up take out the card and lay it in front of you

Then ask these questions:

The Message is about what? (draw a card)

This is what will happen (draw a card)

This is how I feel (draw a card)

Let go of this (draw a card)

Embrace this (draw a card)

Take this action (draw a card)

Pique Dame

I could try that one. I've been doing the one I mentioned above but couldn't hurt to try something new.

Laurelle

Pique Dame said:
I could try that one. I've been doing the one I mentioned above but couldn't hurt to try something new.

Wasn't sure how deep your clarifying spread went.

Good Luck!

Awakened Queen

I see the 5 of Swords as a mental card. He feels defeated somehow. Maybe he didn't want to develop feelings, but he did, and he's upset about it. Maybe he feels doubts that the relationship won't last. Basically, it's all in his head. As an outcome card, the 5 of Swords refers to somebody throwing in the towel. Maybe pull an advice card to see how you can change the outcome. He may have trust issues in relationships that you'll need to take into consideration. I think he's been hurt before and is afraid to open his heart.

Pique Dame

Awakened Queen said:
I see the 5 of Swords as a mental card. He feels defeated somehow. Maybe he didn't want to develop feelings, but he did, and he's upset about it. Maybe he feels doubts that the relationship won't last. Basically, it's all in his head. As an outcome card, the 5 of Swords refers to somebody throwing in the towel. Maybe pull an advice card to see how you can change the outcome. He may have trust issues in relationships that you'll need to take into consideration. I think he's been hurt before and is afraid to open his heart.

That's a new way to look at it. Doesn't make me feel too great knowing he feels defeated and that he's so resistant to the idea, even though I kinda am, too. I usually don't date someone unless I really feel there's a future there and I don't know if I see that with him. He's not a touchy-feely, emotional guy. He's very logical and pragmatic. I worry that, eventually, I'd feel like my emotional needs and desire for intimacy were not being met and would seek greener pastures elsewhere. We both definitely have trust issues, too. The fact that I keep getting 5 of swords with him and it's always clarified by Ace of Swords or 6 of Wands maybe means he's throwing in the towel to resisting whatever is happening? I don't like the idea that this is so staunchly against his will. I definitely don't want to force him into a situation he didn't want to be in. It really sounds like the conversation would go something like this:
Me: "So are we exclusive or not?"
Him: "Well, I didn't want to be in a relationship right now but if it'll make you feel better, then I guess so."
Me: "Yay, I win."
Him: *sigh*

Awakened Queen

Pique Dame said:
That's a new way to look at it. Doesn't make me feel too great knowing he feels defeated and that he's so resistant to the idea, even though I kinda am, too. I usually don't date someone unless I really feel there's a future there and I don't know if I see that with him. He's not a touchy-feely, emotional guy. He's very logical and pragmatic. I worry that, eventually, I'd feel like my emotional needs and desire for intimacy were not being met and would seek greener pastures elsewhere. We both definitely have trust issues, too. The fact that I keep getting 5 of swords with him and it's always clarified by Ace of Swords or 6 of Wands maybe means he's throwing in the towel to resisting whatever is happening? I don't like the idea that this is so staunchly against his will. I definitely don't want to force him into a situation he didn't want to be in. It really sounds like the conversation would go something like this:
Me: "So are we exclusive or not?"
Him: "Well, I didn't want to be in a relationship right now but if it'll make you feel better, then I guess so."
Me: "Yay, I win."
Him: *sigh*

Another thing about the 5 of Swords is the fear of defeat can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I go into a relationship thinking it's not going to work, then it's probably not going to work. That's the 5 of Swords in a nutshell.

It sounds like both of you have your doubts, but it has nothing to do with the relationship itself. The doubts stem from past relationships. He may doubt that he could give you what you need. You may doubt that he could open his heart enough to truly love. His doubt triggers your doubts. The purpose of the relationship might be so you both face your fears.

“Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.” - Anais Nin