Can this Mars Retrograde mess be repaired?

I added an 'edited' bit to my previous post. I understand his dilemma and situation. I know that some husbands in this situation will choose to continue the status quo and hope to continue the romance on the side, until the daughter is old enough to make her own choices.

Whether that is an option for him here is your decision. I very much see your point of view, remaining the 'lover' in the background is not a nice option and indeed there would be a real risk that you become a 'convenience' and he doesn't leave his wife even when his daughter is potentially independent.

Back to the main point - you have to decide how much more time, if any he has to sort things out.

Hello

I think the problem comes in with his fear issues.
He admitted to me that when he heard that comment he was paralysed with visceral fear, and has been kicking himself ever since for not using it as the opportunity to discuss the issue in a loving, non threatening way.
He has expressed that he wants both himself and the wife to tell the girl that the divorce is happening, he doesn't want to be the one to "drop the bomb" on her without her mother there as well, and I can understand that.

He really, really wants to divorce the woman.
He was terrified by his daughter's simple comment, which could have opened the door to intelligent discussion about the impending divorce, and instead let the opportunity go by, and is beating himself up over that.

He told me that he's finally coming to the realisation just HOW unrealistic it is to expect that this whole deal is going to be the way he wanted it to go, which was..( and I quote him here) "I was hoping this whole thing could be seamless, you know, go from her, to you and nobody would get hurt. I know that's unrealistic, and people are going to get hurt. I don't want to hurt anyone...." Now, I admire him for not wanting anyone to get hurt. It's one of the reasons I love him so much. However, yes, it WAS unrealistic to think that it'd be seamless, with no discomfort to anyone. That was fear of confronting the truth about things speaking.

He's doing the child no favours by letting her think that she's in a Disney family, because when she finds out the truth, and she will, she'll feel completely betrayed because she was lied to.

I think she was 'fishing" because she's a highly intelligent child, sees the H.E.double hockey sticks that goes on around the house, and might have been wondering if that meant impending divorce, I don't know. But I do know that people can't fake it. For a little while maybe, but not for long, and kids have a way of seeing through BS.

My take on all this is that the universe is telling him "NOW IS THE TIME TO CONFRONT YOUR FEAR ISSUES, SIR, AND YOU ARE BEING GRANTED A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE!" Because it all seems to converge on this - the being tired of running, and living like a scared rabbit.

Franklin D Roosevelt said it all when he said "There is nothing to fear but fear itself!"

I don't want to remain a "lover in the shadows". I want real love, a real life and to walk in the sun with him, the way we'd discussed. We both deserve it. And we're not getting any younger.

Astraea said:

Same here.

Something else occurs to me in relation to Saturn, and it might not be anything that's even remotely within the scope of your thinking or willingness to entertain - but I'll put it out there, just in case.

Among other things, Saturn represents the maturation process. As both you and the man are adults (let's give all the characters names so that we don't need to keep saying "the man," "the wife," "the child" - how about Dick, Jane and Sally? ), perhaps there is another solution to your dilemma that doesn't involve divorce - for the time being, anyway. Maybe Saturn opposing Mercury can be understood as the ripening of a thought process.

You might consider the possibility of having a long-term, non-exclusive relationship with Dick that includes the possibility of commitment at a time when Sally is older and Dick feels that she'll be able to tolerate a split. Custody will not be such a crucial issue in a few years, since judges generally give children of 14 or 15 the opportunity to choose which parent they wish to live with. As a lawyer, Dick knows the difficulties he faces regarding custody as things stand now.

Many long-distance relationships work quite well, even though they don't fit within conventional molds. This is between you and Dick, and as adults you can forge your own path.

Again, you might not be comfortable even considering something like this - but there might be other ways for you and Dick to "think outside the box" that will ease some of the pressures for now.

Click to expand...

Interesting you should mention something like this, Dick and I are coming to this through an evolutionary process. Jane has no concrete knowledge that I exist. ( Albeit I think she suspects that there's somebody else, and has for a while.) My ex husband however, Let's call him "Bill", knew all about Dick. Bill and I were polyamourous. Bill had a girlfriend, that was fine with me, but Bill and I broke up because we had personal issues between us that weren't able to be resolved.
I really wanted to be with Dick, he said he was ready to leave Jane, and he was hoping that Sally wouldn't be devastated.
I can think outside the box, but Dick has told me time and time again that he wants me to be his daughter's stepmother, he wants to marry me, all that.

But thank you for the suggestion. Thinking outside the box is good.

If he loves you enough then love will find a way

It might not be easy from here on in and it could become very messy, you may indeed have to think outside the box.

What matters now is how he resolves his issues, especially whether and how he tells his daughter. Incidentally if she were fishing, she would have phrased her comment in a different way - not one which almost demanded a 'No to divorce' answer. It might just have been an innocent comment,

However, the fact is that it spooked him and he has to address that. Let's wait and see what he decides, because the next step is his call. Let's also hope and pray that the universe helps him reach that decision.

spelling

(((((((Minderwiz))))))))))))))
((((((((Astraea))))))))))))
Thanks guys

reading this old thread, i wonder how my fellow Scorpio fell back on her feet...