The ex spread

[rainwolf]

This spread is for a user who wishes to remain annonymous. The question is quoted below:

Hi, If you are able I would very much like you to comeup with a spread for my situation. I would like to remain anonymous but you can post the spread.

An overview of my situation: I married 5 years ago, even though I was still hung up about my ex boyfriend. (it was me that ended the relationship with my ex - he was devestated) I thought my marriage would make me happy. I was wrong. I thought of recontacting my ex many times and finally plucked up the courage to get back in touch with him. I went to see him (he now lives in the US and me in the UK) and immediately knew he was the one for me. I told him how I felt. He was shocked (he is still single) and after baring our souls he said that in his heart he wants me but his head is blocking it and telling him no. He says he can't go back. Since I returned to the UK I have left my husband and my ex and I have kept in contact. He has been somewhat schizofrenic, blowing hot and cold and I really don't know what he thinks. So......

The spread: I would like to know how the relationship with my ex will develop. What he really feels about me, what is going on in his head. Where we are going. How I should act, what I should say to get the outcome I want (him back). Should I stick with it, will it work out or should I give up. When will I know the outcome of this path I am taking.....

The spread uses 16 cards, and is not that hard to read if you are intimidated by numbers. You can even use less cards on some parts of it; i will note this with a carrot (^).

.................13................
14...............................12
........16..............15.........
...............10....................
....11........................9.....
......................................
.........8........7.......6.........
......................................
.............5........4.............
......................................
.........3.......2.........1........

To understand this format, you have to look at in terms of areas and branches.

• The left branch consists of cards 14, 11, 8. This branch is the branch of wants.
• The middle branch consists of cards 13, 10, 7. This is a neutral branch.
• The right branch consists of cards 12, 9, 6. This is the branch of needs
• The division between each branch has a card which combines them and should be read accordingly.
• The bottom is a basis and shows relevent information which is a basis.

Card meaning:
1-3. Basis of problem (read as a timeline).

4-5. How I should act.

14, 11, 8 (left branch).^ This branch tells how a relationship will develop, whether a good one, bad one, or no relationship at all. This is what the querent wants, so it is in the branch of wants.

13, 10, 7 (middle branch).^ This branch describes what the ex feels. It is neutral because it does not describe wants or needs.

12, 9, 6 (right branch).^ This branch hints at what is going on in the ex's head. It is what the querent needs to know in order to act appropriately.

15-16 (in between branches). These two cards stand in between the three branches and are a balance. They stand for whether the querent should continue their effort, and why. There is not one inbetween want and need because that is difficult to understand--how can one balance a want and need effectively? Therefore, they make a balance with a neutral subject, that of what the ex feels.

----------------------Notes-------------------
If you feel you need further advice or any outcome cards, draw up to three and place these above the spread going left. (19-18-17)

^ mark that you can chose to lay down 1, 2, or 3 cards depending on your preference.

 

[aquanesha]

Outstanding

I was looking for a spread myself to explain what was going on with my ex. I found this spread to be very insightful and it gave me hope for the future.
Thank you for sharing such a wonderful spread.

 

[rainwolf]

Thank you for such a nice comment!

 

[Al Si'ra]

Amazing!!

What a wonderful spread!! Thanx for sharing it..
I always have an ex to apply such spreads to...i am so thankful..at least he is useful for something

I tried this today..And i have a few questions..

14,11,8.. should i interpret those respectively?

I interpreted 1,2,3 respectively as you indicate that it is read as a timeline..So should i do the same thing with 14-11-8?

edited to ask: 14,11,8 do these card indicate how the relationship will develop if there is going to be one..or is it indicating the desire of the querant..Those are 2 different things..For ex the querant would desire a relationship to develop-but in reality-there may not be one..which one?

 

[rainwolf]

Not the desires, but about the desires

14, 11, and 8 are not read respectively (originally at least) but they can be. I understand where your confusion on this is, because I did not explain it throughly enough--if you think in abstracts, there is negative and positive want. Negative want is what you want the least (not at all) and positive is what you do want.

When you are doing this spread, there is some sort of relationship that will form for the querent and the ex. If the querent wants to end the relationship, it will show in this branch of the spread. Likewise, if they want nothing at all (to be left alone) or to have a renewed relationship, it will show up here.

Sometimes if the querent does not really know what they want, or they have not consciously became aware of it, having it show up will make it 'solid' of their desires.

Here's a quick example.

Let's say the querent is for a relationship, but the other is not (unbeknownst to the querent). For this branch, we get some negative cards, with respect to the subject at hand. We may or may not know what the querent wants, but we can say that its just not happening. Therefore their desires in this spread are not positive, and not going to come to the surface.

If the querent was instead wanting to finish up a relationship, but the ex did not want to, and we got the same cards as the last example, it would be read in a different light. Their desires in the spread would also reflect negativity, showing a different outcome than desired.

For one more example, lets say the querent AND the ex did not want a relationship, but the querent was unsure. If we end up with some positive and reassuring cards, we can be safe to say that what they desired will come to pass, and the relationship will end peacefully.

In summary, the branch tells you about your desires, not really the desires themselves. You already know for the most part what you want (and if you dont you'll need a different spread )

 

[Al Si'ra]

Umm.. I THINK i get it..or i am having one of my dumb moments..both is possible

I suppose it's not suitable to seek for interpretation in this thread but let me explain where i get confused.

i got 2 positive and one negative card in 14-11-8..the first 2 cards were indicating a new development-a growing love etc.and the last card was indicating being afraid of opening up and changes-i see it as an obstacle whereas the first two were indicating new beginnings..

I chose to stay in between and said : There is a possibility of things restarting and a poss. of evolving spiritually (14-11) but there is this obstacle(8)
Meaning the cards were interpreted respectively as the negative card was the third-took it to mean as an outcome card..
But in anyway the desires cannot at one point evolve because of an obstacle which is not because of me and that would be the other party then-but if that negative thing would be the first card in three i could've said the obstacles are dissappearing..Why do i have the obssesion of ordering cards as 1-2-3 lol..it is hard for me to see from another perspective.

Yes probably i am having one of my dumb moments yes yes

 

[rainwolf]

Sample reading

This is a reading discussed over PM that I thought would be helpful as an example for the spread. It's being posted as completely anonymous:

Card meaning:
1-3. Basis of problem (read as a timeline).

4 of Wands - We started out strong and solid. We knew we found a deep bond within each other and we celebrated it.
The World - We found each other and we thought that was just it. We had found a life mate in each other, and we thought that was just the end. We would be together until we grew old and would love every minute of it. We fulfilled each other.
The Star - I think towards the end, on his part, the bond we had was nothing but a wish. He didn't feel we could really make it, he felt our relationship was a fantasy.

4-5. How I should act.

3 of Pentacles - I think I need to show ...well..some more competence. I have the ability to live life without him. I know this mainly represents team work, but I'm not sure where that comes in..
Queen of Cups - I need to go back to my roots of how I was..and this is how I was. I was very tender and loving and caring. I have always been intuitive, but after we broke up, I became very hardened on the outside. I need to show that I am the caring, loving, and sensitive person as before, because that IS me.

14, 11, 8 (left branch).^ This branch tells how a relationship will develop, whether a good one, bad one, or no relationship at all. This is what the querent wants, so it is in the branch of wants.

4 of Pentacles
6 of Cups
2 of Cups
This is how I want/hope it will be. He will find he wants me for himself, he will start thinking about our past relationship and he will miss it, then he will finally see that though we are older now and we have had much experience in life between when we were together and now, we still have that same, very deep, intense, and emotional bond

13, 10, 7 (middle branch).^ This branch describes what the ex feels. It is neutral because it does not describe wants or needs.

9 of Wands
9 of Cups
Queen of Pentacles
He is feeling guilty over our relationship and what happened, he doesn't want himself or I to get hurt again, but at the same time I feel the Queen of Pents is saying that he perhaps wants to feel loving towards me, to just come back and say "Let's start over" but perhaps not necessarily romantically, but maybe just to completely get to know each other allover again. We were both sensitive and loving, perhaps he wants that back to some extent, but the 9 of Wands and Cups will not let him give into that.

12, 9, 6 (right branch).^ This branch hints at what is going on in the ex's head. It is what the querent needs to know in order to act appropriately.

4 of Swords - He is getting out of a relationship, and has told me recently he wants to be alone, he wants to take a long break from relationships period.
3 of Cups - I think, however, he is open to rebuilding our friendship
8 of Wands - I think he is coming to a conclusion about me..whether or not to rebuild or friendship or completely cut me off..I'm not really sure.

15-16 (in between branches). These two cards stand in between the three branches and are a balance. They stand for whether the querent should continue their effort, and why. There is not one inbetween want and need because that is difficult to understand--how can one balance a want and need effectively? Therefore, they make a balance with a neutral subject, that of what the ex feels.

Two of Swords
Strength
To be honest...I'm not sure about these two.. I know what these cards mean, but how do I pull them together? I feel they are so opposing.

For the wants, I see restriction and holding on to something for the sake of holding on. The hope of becoming close as friends first, and then slowly something more mutual follows. I think this is more of a 'friends' thing though, at least in this branch, because the endnote is a pretty fundamental card.

For neutral, I see the other person with barriers. There is some hurt behind this, but balancing their own emotions and feeling emotionally secure is another part. They have come to a high point of security and they feel problems are dead, gone, and to be alone for a while. In all these cards, I notice the characters are by themselves, and their hands occupied--either holding something or basically not 'open'. I don't see them as 'open' consequently, but this is just a phase.

For needs, I still see three objectives to focus on; resting and recuperating, seeking time with friends, and setting new goals and enjoyments.

A better way of thinking of the last two cards, is first making a question out of it. For fifteen, it could be 'how do i balance what i want, and how my ex feels'. For sixteen, it could be 'how do i balance my ex's emotions and what i need'. For the first, patience and self control are eminent. You may want good relations from the looks of the left, but the ex seems guarded and amidst their own problems. For sixteen, I'd say there is a difficult stalemate/indecision because the columns are so different. I think it may just be saying 'it's a difficult hill to get over, but you may just be mentally building yourself up'.

Since you didn't use reversals, I took a look at elemental dignities to find some emphasis; Most notably, in the middle the 9 of wands is hardening the 9 of cups by the nature of the cards themselves. In the right branch, they are actually helping each other (rare, for opposing dignities (water x fire)). I think they are saying 'get out there and enjoy yourself', while the two swords are reinforcing each other by saying 'leave some problems to rest and let time work on them for a bit'. Settling these emotions may be the key.