Demon comes when I get spiritual

[Tor]

I have a problem:

When I don't pray and do rituals, I get unhappy and sad. But when I do them and get spiritual, the demons (or particulary one) invades me.

The worst demon I have is one that has the image and voice of my older brother. It makes me mistake spiritual life from real life, though I must say that my older brother and I don't get very well together. He is anti-spiritual. I pulled one tarot card on him once, and I wasn't surprised when it showed The Devil.

Last night I was unhappy, especially after watching Seinfeld and trying to live a normal life. You see, normality doesn't go well with me. I only get depressed and sad. I'm diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, and though I don't like to be sick, I need the spiritual part of it.

Well anyway - last night - after feeling sad, I decided to do a ritual (mass). I do one where I pray and do simple spells using tarot and candles. It felt so good after that. I later went out in my garden around midnight and watched a bright and starry sky. I was happy.

But when I woke up this morning, the demon was back. It's like it hates me being happy, content and spiritual. It fills me with words and thoughts that are not mine (the expression mentally disturbed fits so well).

I do a spell for protection - I burn incense for protection - but still the demon visits me the morning after. I know that if I had kept on watching Seinfeld instead, it wouldn't have disturbed me.

Well, it makes me at least convinced that I'm doing the right thing. And it makes me wanna fight. Fight for my spirituality. And fight against dumb and blind so-called normality.

Any input you have on this will be appreciated

 

[ThunderWolf]

I'm diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, and though I don't like to be sick, I need the spiritual part of it.

I really am sorry about focusing on this one line, but what I learned about schizophrenia in university psych classes leads me to believe that this demon may actually be a symptom of your dx.

I honestly don't have any spiritual solution to what you're dealing with. It's not because I suspect the schizophrenia as the cause, but this is simply something I don't have the spiritual tools to deal with. I would like to most strongly suggest that you discuss this with your doctor, though. I think s/he may be able to help you with this so that you are able to enjoy the spiritual side of yourself.

 

[Tor]

ThunderWolf: Thank you for your insights. My doctor is all about medicine (I am on maximum dose of course), and he's all quiet about the psychology around the disease. I have asked for a therapist many times, but they (state health care) don't have anyone to offer - even if they hold me under "forced psychological health care" (I live home alone and are almost free to do whatever I want, but I'm forced to have the nurses/doctors visiting me and take medicines).

I've tried to get a private therapist, but the waiting lines are endless.

I've learned that one has to do most part of the healing oneself - other than medicine, they don't offer anything. (Norway is really bad on this subject).

PS! The demon disappeared when I wrote on this forum this morning.

 

[Tor]

Thunderwolf: Did you know that schizophrenia is a typical western disorder. Of course they have it in poor countries also, but they have a much higher percent getting well from it. It could be that we are so logical and medical about it, when in fact it could be bad spirits and demons like many poor countries treats it as. They tend to see the spiritual side of it much more than our strictly scientific doctors.

 

[ThunderWolf]

If you're on the maximum dosage of medication and you mention this to your doctor s/he may decide to put you on another medication or medication cocktail that will help you with this.

I have a bipolar disorder, and when I was on the maximum dosage of my anti-depressants and they weren't doing the job my doc tried a different combination of anti-depressants which seems to be working pretty well for me.

Sometimes with psychiatric disorders we have to change up the medications we take to get optimum benefit from taking them. As our body chemistry changes and, I suspect, we develop a tolerance to certain medications the ones we are taking cease to be as effective as they had been previously and our doctor's need to try other ones to see what will work better for us.

 

[ThunderWolf]

Thunderwolf: Did you know that schizophrenia is a typical western disorder. Of course they have it in poor countries also, but they have a much higher percent getting well from it. It could be that we are so logical and medical about it, when in fact it could be bad spirits and demons like many poor countries treats it as. They tend to see the spiritual side of it much more than our strictly scientific doctors.

I have heard that line of thought before, but as I'm not familiar with how to deal with such things in that manner I've been attempting to be helpful in the way I know how. Whatever the cause I do hope you're able to get some relief.

 

[Milfoil]

You will know better than me Tor but is it possible, since you recognise the 'demon' as such, to use its presence to alert you? Not that you would be following what it says or it's advice but when it appears, you, Tor, stand up to it and say this is my decision and I am allowed to make it, that is part of why we all have free will. The demon may be the part of you which feels guilty at not doing a daily spiritual practice but I wonder what would happen if you choose to exercise your right of free will to change your spiritual practice and just 'be' instead of doing anything. This is a foundational concept of many meditative practices so it is not a cop out.

Just musing.

Everything we do, every day is spiritual, every decision we make. This demon may be teaching you about what you believe and what you can change about that belief. We all have our own demons, but your diagnosis makes yours very real to your senses. It may never go away but you, Tor, may be able to observe and control its influence.

Does that make sense or am I talking *******?

 

[Tor]

Milfoil:

Well I agree with you when it comes to that I should be able to do whatever I want without beeing troubled by a demon.

It's not simply evil either. It seems that it wants words and thoughts to flow. I've had it for many years now, so I tend to know it a little.

Liz Greene - an astrologer - writes about this in my horoscope. That I'm able to build a brigde between the conscious and the unconscious, and that I have demons of destiny in my inner mind. Her horoscopes are very helpful to me.

So I think - and especially after what you wrote - that I should try to see it as a friend that wants to spread the word. Instead of fighting it I might embrace it, and see it as a helpful messenger. The problem is that I get so exhausted from listening to it (and other voices I hear). But maybe "not to fight" is a keyword to get it to relax? Maybe it likes me being active spiritually, and that's why it comes to me?

Thanks for your input!

 

[Tor]

This made me think of one thing. My psychiatric nurse (and the doctors) are negative to me doing tarot. They mentioned it, and they also said it is in my journal. But when I said I was going to have one from my local church visiting me, they were positive and the nurse even wanted to join us.

I'm a victim of the health care people's personal faith and of old culture. Like believing in Jesus is anymore normal and mundane than believing in tarot...

 

[Tor]

If you're on the maximum dosage of medication and you mention this to your doctor s/he may decide to put you on another medication or medication cocktail that will help you with this.

I have a bipolar disorder, and when I was on the maximum dosage of my anti-depressants and they weren't doing the job my doc tried a different combination of anti-depressants which seems to be working pretty well for me.

Sometimes with psychiatric disorders we have to change up the medications we take to get optimum benefit from taking them. As our body chemistry changes and, I suspect, we develop a tolerance to certain medications the ones we are taking cease to be as effective as they had been previously and our doctor's need to try other ones to see what will work better for us.

Yes, I am on maximum dosage and I just got off the phone with my doctor. We talked about the medication and we will discuss it further when he comes here next week.

I have tried two types of anti-psychotica, the first one was the most modern but didn't take away the voices. The second one that I currently use, took away the voices first when I started it, but now I keep hearing them - though mostly not so intense.

The problem with taking away my voices (most of them are good, like angels) is that I get so depressed. It seems that I need them to a certain degree to stay happy, because a "normal" life gets me so depressed (it's not just a disease, it's the whole me).

For example - there was this creature that I saw in a type of vision that was born out of my head, and it turned out to be a little kid that said he was sent from God to help me. And he did! We talked many times, though he was a kid he was very wise - so I felt both that I cared for him as well as took his good advice.

This is sort of things I don't wanna get rid of, together with other "angels" that supports me. Of course one can rationalize it all (which one need sometimes) and say it's just my disease, but I truly believe that these voices has something in them. That's why I say they are demons and angels.

Anyway - I want to thank you for your input Thunderwolf, because you reminded me to set up an appointement with my doctor. And you have some good points - I just don't wanna say it's all disease - because I know from experience how spiritual and beautiful it can be