No-thingness for why someone stayed with someone....

[caridwen]

i think this makes sense, not sure about him avoiding commitment to her as she thought he was committed to her.so i guess he commited to start another journey and perhaps try something new?

He wasn't new to relationships either (two marriages failed due to his cheating).

i guess the reason she wants closure is because she is not the usual person to suffer fools gladly, she feels a bit foolish about it and it cant understand it. i kind of wanted to try and get my head round the reading to be able to help her move on.

but i also dont want the cards to defeat me

ahhhh

I didn't see this, my apologies.

Yes! In that case he chose commitment. He chose to leap into the void in order to learn a valuable lesson. He gave up on his cheating ways in order to give himself to this relationship.

What do you mean by "suffer fools gladly"? So he was cheating afterall?

I need a drink!

 

[214red]

Bingo...the light goes on

BINGO!

by jove i now understand....caridwen & Lark you are both angels!

you hit the nail on the head with the void thing, it so works. he used to blame his relationship failures on others.

if he wanted someone to fill the void he would always be out of luck as you say as you need to fill your own void!

i owe you both, and anyone i have missed out too xx

***edit*** when she opened up about this guy over a glass or two of wine she said the biggest reason she found it hard to move on was that she knew he was likely not someone to date, but she continued. she usually would not have given this guy the time of day usually let alone date him, let alone this long! so she is beating herself up that she dated a guy with a guy who has always cheated, and thought she could change him.
so really she needs to justify to herself why she did it, and why he hung in for so long as he doesnt usually

 

[lark]

we're just teasing you...see this is why it is better to post the WHOLE SPREAD and your take on it .
The way you worded your first post made it seem like this was a three way triangle of people.
But what it really is as far as I can untangle is..... a woman had a relationship and it broke up. but she wants to know why he stayed for a while with her in the relationship...pheew
Now I hope we got that straight.
And i hope some of our answers helped you.

 

[lark]

Good, finally a BINGO
Well one good thing we'll never forget the meaning of this card agin...I know it's burned into my third eye.

 

[214red]

yeah i will post the whole spread next time, the other cards jumped out meaning wise so i didnt want to bother someone with the whole spread.
but i feel like i want to as a thank you for your help and you can see how your words helped me finish the spread!

i will be joining this study thread

 

[caridwen]

am really sorry i am being a pain, its a new deck and i am an analytical person and so it will bug me if i dont get it. i thank you all for your time and patience!!

I think he stayed because the relationship, for him, was a lesson he needed to learn. In order to understand himself he needed to bond with another. He needed to make a commitment, begin a fools' journey.I imagine his relationship with this woman was a way of avoiding commitment, he was stuck between the two as your querent was. He decided to take that leap and commit to one and in order to do that he had to let go of everything he had known before.

the part in bold i didnt get, it said at the start that he needed to bond (commit)with others to start his fools journey, but the highlighted part says about him avoiding commitment.

i can understand if you have given up on me already

I haven't given up on you - I'm joking and I'm sorry if you're hurt or being put off. Please forgive.

The part you highlighted is the confusion.

I thought there was a love triangle here.

I thought this woman wanted to know why her boyfriend stayed with his wife.

Instead she just wants to know why he stayed with her. (My nose is telling me that there's more going on here than we're being told but let's move on ).

He definitely avoided commitment in the past. He cheated on both wives. There was a valuable lesson for him to learn about himself through this relationship.

This will not make much sense to you until you study something of the Hierophant;Geburah. ; the Nobel Eightfold Path and the Four Nobel Truths.

Best of luck with that

 

[214red]

i am trying to remember the cards pulled (left the reading notes at work) and typing it up.

I am not put off, i am thankful for the response if not i would be awake tonight again trying to work out the missing piece of the puzzle.

you dont need a tarot spread to work out why he cheated with all people he has dated/married....the classic fantasy complex, falls for an idea of someone, finds that women are real and have faults...then starts looking for others, that and i think he has a mother complex .the one constant in his relationships is him, duh!
telling my mate this would not help her , make her feel more foolish.
i also dont want to just type up when i know about him from her, i want to make sure its the cards talking not me.

will check out the links sent

 

[caridwen]

i am trying to remember the cards pulled (left the reading notes at work) and typing it up.

I am not put off, i am thankful for the response if not i would be awake tonight again trying to work out the missing piece of the puzzle.

you dont need a tarot spread to work out why he cheated with all people he has dated/married....the classic fantasy complex, falls for an idea of someone, finds that women are real and have faults...then starts looking for others, that and i think he has a mother complex .the one constant in his relationships is him, duh!
telling my mate this would not help her , make her feel more foolish.
i also dont want to just type up when i know about him from her, i want to make sure its the cards talking not me.

will check out the links sent

Be very careful about using pop psychology. I say that with the best intentions

Your friend has no reason to feel foolish, she has also learned from this experience there was something about this man that drew her in despite her instincts and that is something that could be explored.

You keep mentioning the Fool here which is interesting!

If you're going to look up the links make sure you check out the Five Aggregates which I would say directly relate to this card. I am more familiar with Dao but the basic precepts are roughly the same.

 

[214red]

reading snapshot

here is the reading as usual, one of the reason i am being so clear with the meaning for this card is i dont want to come accross as a 'i told you so' i want the cards to show her:
i used this spread, the card from the forum . I have put up brief notes about what I think the cards are saying, it will take me too long to type up the full thing tonight.
http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?t=63937
---1-------5---
--3---------7--
----4-----8----
-------9-------

(2 crosses 1, and 6 crosses 5)

1-Past, what brought them together. –Mind- she was intrigued by him and was stressed with other issues, he became a nice distraction for her to avoid other issues (she dropped out of contact with me and a few friends for a year)
2-Foundation, what was keeping them together.-Sorrow- she had family wrangles after the death of a relative and found she was caught in the middle. She was grieving for the loss of her aunt, and the loss of some of the close relationship that her death brought out of people.

3-Why she stayed with him.- the fool- which is funny huh? in all seriousness, it must have felt right, even though it went against you normal sensibilities. looking at the card i suspect she unwittingly did what we all should do, she listened to her inner voice/heart and took the advice

4-Why he stayed with her- no-thingness

5-Did he really love her. Healing- he thought he did, he confused needing her to help him heal with love.

6-Why she wanted to be with him/what attracted her to him.Guidence-hmm this card says its inner guidance, it leads me to believe that she had to got through this relationship, there was a reason for it

7-Was he using her.-intensity- I don’t think he was intentionally using her, he liked being with her, it made him feel good. She seems to have been a catalyst for him getting somethings in his life going …she is good at organizing people and making them focus and sort things out (bit bossy)

8-Despite his flaws, was he good for her.- understanding- training wheels, he helped her emotionally to be ready to face the music. He helped her stop being so dependent emotionally on her family .

9-Why they split up/why things didnt work.-Beyond Illusions- she woke up and smelt the coffee. Or rather looked inside herself and realize that she didn’t need the relationship, she needed to resolve the issues, not avoid them by distracting herself by looking after him and trying to sort out his life

hope this clears up my previous ramblings

 

[Nevada]

Inertia comes to mind. And since it's the traditional Hierophant, corresponding to Taurus, perhaps an inability to admit to himself he'd erred in marrying her. Stubbornness is, after all, simply an inability to admit one was wrong -- or blinding oneself to one's error.

But what first popped into my mind when I visualized that black card was: "Love is blind." Perhaps he was "in love" at the start, and that is the kind of love that is blind, that infatuated falling for another -- or the inner perfect vision of another. Perhaps something in her made him see his anima or idealized soulmate in her -- only of course to be later revealed as not so.

Nevada