On dying....just wanted to share

[DownwardSpiral]

Today I received an e-mail from my Mom. On Thursday she went to the funeral of a long time friend. (years ago we were next door neighbors)

Anyway this woman woke up her husband and said I'm dying. He said what? and she repeated I'm dying....and then she was gone. That's all the details my Mom gave me. I just find it all so strange. And then I have to wonder if I would rather know I was dying (slowly) so that I had time to prepare and see/do whatever it is I wanted/needed to do or just go quickly as she did.

Since I'm sharing something else I'll share here.....when I was a little girl....around 4 or 5....I used to be afraid to go to sleep at night...because I was afraid I wouldn't wake back up. Growing up I was afraid of death. I never told my parents and have no idea why I felt this way as no one close to me had died.

Just wanted to share this as I thought maybe others might have stories to share as well.

 

[linnie]

Hello DownwardSpiral That's amazing!

The only thought I have on death is that, where once I feared it, I now welcome it... NOT in any screaming great hurry... I love my life and am happy here, doing whatever it is that I do... but eventually, when my time comes...

I think I would enjoy knowing that my time is up, as I have a party planned... Just in case, though, people already know what sort of celebration I'd love... down to a list of choir songs amd where my ashes will be blown

What I'd like to do is to learn to shut down my own body, when the time comes, but that is a far stretch, as I am not much of a yogi, nor a Medicine Woman... Still, it is my aspiration

I have watched someone I love draw her last breath, and I am keen to pass on to others just how peaceful that split second in time was... and this peacefulness even from a woman who was, in many ways, not yet ready to go...

I guess the most important thing is to live each day as if it is your last... That sounds like new age hype, granted, but I guarantee you'll find philosophers of yore saying exactly that, because they realised the peace behind those words. Many blessings to you

 

[Baroli]

Interesting topic.

Both my parents are gone. When my Dad passed I wasn't there. I couldn't watch him die. It was too painful. I considered myself a coward for not staying at his house with the rest of the family, while he was writhing in pain. I swore to myself that I would not do that when it was time for my mother to go. And I didn't. I watched in the ER as the attendants kept doing CPR and bringing her back only to lose her time and time again. That was also very painful to watch, but I stayed.

The only thing I got from both experiences is that death is a beautiful thing, transformative like the Tarot card, and ending and a beginnning. It's the getting to that point that is painful. I no longer think I was being a coward in my father's case. I just think my father would not have wanted me to watch him die. My mom would be the same way. The funny thing is,...my mom hasn't left, she's still around watching out for me. She still considers me the baby.

Btw, this is just my experience I am reflecting on.

 

[Wendywu]

I stayed with both of my parents as they died. My father died of liver cancer but as he died the years fell away from his face and he looked so like the photographs I have of him as a young man. In the hours leading up to his death I sat with him and held his hand, and my mum, sister and I chatted. It was just like when we were all at home on a Sunday afternoon as Dad snoozed in his armchair and us three women gabbled on about everything under the sun. I do really believe it was comforting for him and that he was aware of us.

I say I think he was aware because at one stage I just said, quietly "Oh Dad ...." and he squeezed my hand. He slipped away gently and I will never be sorry that he was finally done with pain, and I will always be glad that I was there.

With my mum, she had had Alzheimers for years and hadn't recognised me for about five years. She needed to be fed pureed food because she wouldn't chew, and absolutely everything had to be done for her. When she was dying my sister and I were there, holding her tiny, withered hands and she was tucked under the blankets just like I remember she used to have them when she could still choose how to have her covers. She died as gently as a feather falling to the ground, and I was and am so very pleased that her spirit was finally freed after so many years of sheer imprisonment in her uncooperative body.

When I was diagnosed with my cancers (bowel and pancreas), there was some concern that I might not make it. After the second bout of surgery it seemed a definite likelihood that I wasn't going to survive. As a result of all that, for me death is nothing to fear. I don't exactly embrace the thought, but I'm not afraid of it either. Old friend, bringing a warm blanket to help send me off to sleep ....

 

[canid]

I couldn't watch him die. It was too painful. I considered myself a coward for not staying at his house with the rest of the family, while he was writhing in pain.

Oh, Baroli, please let go of that guilt! It's not easy I know; I'm living with it today regarding my mom's death in January. Not my dad's; he passed VERY quickly in 2000, in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. He had been reading a book in bed. Sure, he had high BP & vascular problems, but was shopping that very day.

My mom, on the other hand, is a totally different story. Decades looong drawn-out paranoid schizophrenia, then Alzheimer's, then Adult Failure to Thrive. I wasn't there at the nursing home when she passed 2 months ago; they had tried my cell phone & I missed the call. Several calls. So I wasn't there & she may have been asking for me. I'll never know. But I'm trying to get rid of my guilt & I've been ignoring all of my voice mails since then because, well, I'm just not ready to hear them yet. I keep telling myself, we're all dying as soon as we're born & it's someting that HAS to be done alone, even if there are people in the room. No one can die for us; we're all on our own there. I truly believe that once the *event* occurs, our perspective changes & your father knows you're NOT a coward.

 

[celticnoodle]

DWS, my condolences to you and your mother for the loss of a friend/neighbor.

I also missed my fathers passing, Baroli, but my father has come to me many times and understands why I couldn't be there. we live several hundred miles away and it was also my birthday, but he passed just a few hours into the next day, telling my family he refused to pass on my birthday.

such a touching 'gift' he gave to me, still brings me to tears thinking of it. He also came to me when he realized that he had passed away, and asked for my help to go where ever he was to go. I told him to call for his parents, which he did and then he turned around and walked away towards them. he has returned to me several times, often with news of the future coming our way and to share how wonderful heaven is.

As a medium, the majority of the spirits I encounter tell me how peaceful and wonderful it is and how they are no longer suffering from whatever ailment they had. some of course have died instantly due to something other then an ailment, but they also tell me positive and wonderful things about their passing and heaven.

Corresponding with spirits like this does make me not fear my own death over all, though I am hoping that I won't have to think about that for at least another 25 plus years! But I do flip flop in whether or not I want to know the exact day/time of my death. Sometimes, I think yes, so I can help prepare my husband for that and say good bye to my loved ones. Sometimes I think no, because I'm not sure I could ever be ready to say good bye. However, I do instead hope that when I do die, that my death will be easy and quick and peaceful and that I can leave this life knowing that I did live life to it's fullest. I often wonder who I would like to come for me when my life here is over. It's going to be quite a party of people, I can tell you that! But right up front will be my dad. he has assured me so and it will be so good to see him again and go with him when the time has come.

 

[DownwardSpiral]

thanks for sharing....

Thanks linnie, Baroli, Wendywu, candid and CN for sharing as well : )

I guess I'm very lucky in that both my parents are still alive. And I hope they stick around until I can get back to the West Coast because if anything happened I don't know what I'd do. (I don't fly, these days I have panick attacks on the train, I've never driven that far...did I say I have issues? LOL)

I don't fear death like I did when I was little but at the same time I try not to think about it either. There actually was a time in my life (about 12-15 years ago) when I said if I died tomorrow it would be ok. Now I have so much to learn about my guides, my soul, and just spirit in general that I need to stick around awhile : )

More than once I've told my daughter she needs to learn this stuff (communicating with spirit) so she can talk to me when I'm gone. She just shrugs so we'll see.

Anyway thanks again to everyone for sharing your stories....I may elaborate on them later. Right now it's getting late (work tomorrow) but I wanted to let you know I've read the replies : )

 

[celticnoodle]

More than once I've told my daughter she needs to learn this stuff (communicating with spirit) so she can talk to me when I'm gone. She just shrugs so we'll see.
: )

DWS, I will tell you, that your daughter will see, hear and communicate with you whether 'she learns this stuff' or not.

My hubby is a firm NON -BELIEVER. well, in truth, he is beginning to come around now....but, he doesn't get it and has no desire to 'get it' really. However, when his dad died, didn't dad come to him and wake him up to say goodbye. then, when his mother died 2wks later, they both appeared to him again to let him know mom died.

We were both in bed, and when the hubby woke up, he woke me up immediately and told me what had happened. he was putting it off as a dream each time, but I told him, "no, they visited you" and sure enough a bit later the phone rang each time to let us know that each of them had passed away.

he still insists it was a dream, but I know it was not. they did visit him. Same could be with your daughter, so don't worry if she never "learns this stuff". I hear from clients all the time how their loved one came to them when they passed over and how amazed they were about it. Some of them ask me to help them learn how to communicate with the departed as a result, some just come to me to help them understand it all but they have no desire to learn it.

The fact is, our loved ones are with us ALL the time. Especially when we think about them. I pick up a picture of them, and BAM! they are there with me in spirit.

even those I never knew in life. I have quite a few stories of my ancestors coming to me - mainly because i am thinking of them and one because I 'willed' it. My great great grandfather. So, don't worry. You're loved ones WILL know and 'hear' you when that time comes.

 

[linnie]

I do really believe it was comforting for him and that he was aware of us.
I say I think he was aware because at one stage I just said, quietly "Oh Dad ...." and he squeezed my hand. He slipped away gently ....

When I was diagnosed with my cancers (bowel and pancreas), there was some concern that I might not make it. After the second bout of surgery it seemed a definite likelihood that I wasn't going to survive. As a result of all that, for me death is nothing to fear. I don't exactly embrace the thought, but I'm not afraid of it either. Old friend, bringing a warm blanket to help send me off to sleep ....

I totally hear you on all of this, Wu I believe my father felt my loving concern as I quietly held his hand... I felt guilty, I confess, at not feeling comfortable about speaking to him of dying.. but I think it wasn't the topic, actually, but how intimate I was/wasn't with my dad... (he'd left when we were kids so I hadn't perfected the adult/father:adult/daughter relating As it happened, the one time I did venture forth and talk to him on an 'important' topic, I felt guilty immediately, as it seemed apparent to me that my questions had simply dragged him back from a place where he was at peace, to a pace where he wasn't! (ie, he was so close to being in that place beyond Life, that dragging him back to the dreadful reality of his physical existence seemed too, too, cruel...

With my Mum, I actually wrote her a poem titled "Are you comfortable with the concept of your dying" and read it to her as she was wheeled into surgery (from which, we'd been told, there was a better than good chance that she would NOT recover). We continued the conversation after she came 'to' in ICU... and had to stop ourselves from giggling, as we realised we'd been talking about death within earshot of people who were, yes, dying... It really is just one stage on the Journey... so many people see it as the end stage... others are fortunate enough to view it as a new beginning

My own brush with cancer left me with a reasonable risk of dying (more immediately than I had anticipated), too... Really, the one thing it has given me is immense gratitude for Life, and I certainly have lost any fear of death that I ever harboured I feel very blessed, in truth!

My mom, on the other hand, is a totally different story. Decades looong drawn-out paranoid schizophrenia, then Alzheimer's, then Adult Failure to Thrive. I wasn't there at the nursing home when she passed 2 months ago; they had tried my cell phone & I missed the call. Several calls. So I wasn't there & she may have been asking for me. I'll never know. But I'm trying to get rid of my guilt .

My mother was THE perfect daughter (and an only child) to her mother. Every week, every weekend, she'd take us all to visit her Mum in hospital. For years before that her Mum had been an integral part of our lives, and she remained a priority for my Mum... On the one weekend when Mum just couldn't be there, her Mum died... Mum's absence was unavoidable.. and my grandmother's departure wracked her with guilt... Sad, huh... which is why I wrote that poem, and read it to Mum, in such a seemingly inappropriate moment... (we haven't been socialised to talk about death, so we don't have clear rules...) To my way of thinking, though, I said what I said whilst there was still the chance to do so... and Mum felt the love behind my intention... That's kind of what I meant by living each day as though it was your last... If not your's, a loved one's.... and then we are free to breathe

Now I have so much to learn about my guides, my soul, and just spirit in general that I need to stick around awhile : ).

I understand that, too, DS... It is what makes me wish to linger 'here' longer, despite my yearning to go home... They say this life is our playground, our classroom, huh, and once you've started to enjoy studying... yes... But learning goes on beyond this 'here', I'm certain (mind you, I don't expect everyone here to agree with my views )... I feel confident that the joy of learning continues wherever we go, she would desire it

 

[karenquilter]

When I crashed the motorcycle, I thought "This is it!" & it was a moment of recognition, that this is my end.

But I survived.

I've felt the dead too many times not to think that something goes on after this life is over. Death is nothing to be scared of.

K