Only you can answer these questions. I see no difference between you and the children, you both seek answers, all of mankind from the beginning of time have been looking for meaning or the need to be special, or having "power" over something. The magic is not found in the books, candles, the "spells", or butterfly stickers, the magic you are seeking is already within you. Start looking inward, not outward for your answers. Since childhood I have gone through so many phases and fads, none of them stuck, I too am still looking but I have changed my focus to find peace within myself instead of trying to find answers by being a part of something or being "special". I am an old lady, don't know if I am just tired or wise, but I find I am much happier now.I'm not sure how to word what I want to ask here, but how do you know whether you're playing witch or practising witchcraft? For example, YouTube is full videos of kids showing off their Book of Shadows, and you think, oh how cute. But actually, when you take away a lot of the prescribed content (book blessings and so on), my own books and journals are a lot like theirs, with fewer butterfly stickers ha ha. This makes me think, well...what am I doing here? Does this mean anything? I read loads of books, I burn lots of candles, I have boxes full of trinkets, and of course tarot cards. How do I know what I'm doing is real, and not some phase I'm going through? I find so much I don't buy into, can't believe, don't want to believe...and other stuff that resonates so strongly with me it's like a big fat A-HA.
I'm to the point now where I'm not even sure what all this that I'm taking in and that I'm doing is creating in me. Am I growing? Or am I accumulating stuff and whiling away some idle hours with books? Is this real? Or is it just a 'thing'?
You know what I mean?