Please forgive me

Anna

At the risk of starting a huge argument....

I don't get what you are all so sorry about???
People's feelings are their problem to sort out, not yours.

I don't usually wish to deliberately offend or provoke people, and I write in what I consider a respectful way most of the time. I think that's true of most people here. So I don't think anyone should have to modify what they write or apologise for it, just because it might of pushed someone else's buttons.

If others have buttons that are that easily pushed, they need to deal with them and not expect the rest of us to walk on egg shells around them. I certainly won't be.

This has probablly offended. Oh well.
 

gregory

I know what you mean, Anna - but on the other hand, tone is so often misunderstood on line, especially in an international forum like this.... And as I KNOW that has upset people at times, coming from me, I ask them to forgive me - even if it was unintentional.

And there ARE people here who may want to ask forgiveness for something they did do on purpose and later regret. ;) I remember a huge thread on another forum about just such an incident....
 

Carla

For myself, it comes from my training: 'Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak' (1 Corinthians 8:9).

People have all sorts of weak or tender spots, or buttons. While I have the freedom to say what I wish and believe what I wish, and though I have every right to do so, and though I may see or mean no offense, I should be aware that my words or actions may be hurtful to someone in ways I could not foresee. This is harm I did I not wish upon anyone, and so, speaking for myself at least, I ask forgiveness for any unwitting harm I might have ever caused here.

You're right, they need to deal with their buttons, but I don't have to be unwittingly battering at them all the time. Maybe asking forgiveness here is a sort of little prayer not to do it, or a reminder to the universal that we don't mean to, or a reminder to ourselves to be kinder than necessary.

My seeking forgiveness was not meant to push your buttons, either.
 

Milfoil

Seeking forgiveness for me is not about whether anyone gives it but how I need to re-examine myself, my actions etc. It is a statement of that acknowledgement that I am not perfect or even close to it. It is an understanding on my part that sometimes I am wrong.

:)
 

Anna

Maybe I'm just weird in that I like getting my buttons pushed, because these are the times when I learn the most about myself and have an opportunity to grow.

gregory said:
I know what you mean, Anna - but on the other hand, tone is so often misunderstood on line, especially in an international forum like this.... And as I KNOW that has upset people at times, coming from me, I ask them to forgive me - even if it was unintentional.

Yes, I do see what you mean, but isn't that all part of being a member of an international online forum? You sign up knowing that you will meet people from different cultures and you accept that their ways of being and speaking may differ a lot from your own. You EXPECT to encounter difference, and you endeavour to accept and appreciate it. If there is a misunderstanding, then it's good to explain what you really meant and reach an understanding. But asking forgiveness for an innocent mistake isn't needed, surely?

Carla said:
People have all sorts of weak or tender spots, or buttons. While I have the freedom to say what I wish and believe what I wish, and though I have every right to do so, and though I may see or mean no offense, I should be aware that my words or actions may be hurtful to someone in ways I could not foresee.

Yes, of course.
But knowing that, you then need to decide if you will modify your words to take account of other's weak spots and buttons and to what extent you will modify your words. There are definitly times when out of courtesy and a desire to show respect, I would choose to do just that and to alter my words and actions. But there are also times when I think other people's weak spots are their problem and I will speak freely regardless.

I could even go as far as to say that if someone else's buttons and weak spots prevent me from speaking freely, then they are the ones that should be apologising to me :D

This is harm I did I not wish upon anyone, and so, speaking for myself at least, I ask forgiveness for any unwitting harm I might have ever caused here.

But the trouble is that by existing we are causing harm. I was vegan for a good number of years, and I got to the point where I wouldn't even eat grain unless I knew that they it been harvested carefully so as to prevent the deaths of the field mice and other small animals living in the fields. I wouldn't eat vegetables that had been grown using abattoir waste products as manure. I wouldn't eat sugar unless I knew it had not been filtered using bone char.

I know I am taking this a bit far, but I think that you can get yourself tied up in so many knots and guilty feelings when you start looking into all this stuff. Taking responsibility for our actions is important, but I think there is a line and that if you start apologising for all the little throw away comments that may of offended someone somewhere then you are not too far away from apologising for your own existence.

People have to take responsibility not just for their actions, but for their reactions too.
By apologising for offence I may have caused you, by taking responsibility for your reaction, perhaps I am taking away your opportunity to examine the button that I pushed and explore a weak spot you didn't know you had? Perhaps I have prevented you from learning something important about yourself and gaining an opportunity to grow.

Carla said:
My seeking forgiveness was not meant to push your buttons, either.

Perhaps it did a little. But please don't apologise, I welcomed the chance to explore what got pushed.
 

Carla

No worries, Anna! I'm glad you got to have your say.