trying to be spiritual when going crazy

[poivre]

People in our lives...

Do we come to a crossroad in life when...
difficult people arrive?

At work, this year...omg!
I have had two people this year, work with us, that has totally just about
made me go nuts. One who has temper tantrums and attacks you out of the blue
and the other one that contantly repeats her negative family life.

They really are good people. I understand we all have issues.
I was constantly trying to help them understand things and so on. I'm sure some of you
have had situations like this.

When I look back over the year...it was quite entertaining...
One flew over the CooCoos Nest


I get confused by wondering...

do we invite these difficult people into our lives or do they just show up?

and

who is the teacher... us or them?

Thanks for any comments

 

[Briar Rose]

Both- I feel that we are all learning from each other. In reflection of past experiences, the ones that where the hardest to get through is where I learned the most.


For the New Year I pulled out the cards by:

Don Miguel Ruiz
"The Four Agreements"

The cards are taken from his book titled the same. These are worth buying. It's hard to live authentically, but then when you do, it seems problems and people with negative attitudes break away from your life. New experieces merge with a postive life force.

 

[annabel398]

ZOMG, I *so* use the Four Agreements to help me deal with toxic people at work! There is an iPhone app and nearly every day, I close my eyes and flick back and forth until it reads a "flick" as a "tap," and then use the selection as my mantra for the day. I lean heavily on the "don't take it personally" ones... especially the turtle that says "be immune to others' opinions"... I think that one is my very favorite!

 

[Richard]

I find that difficult people often just reflect undesirable aspects of myself, about which I would prefer not be reminded. In any case, they can be a major PITA.

 

[poivre]

I've seen The Four Agreements and will look at them again.

"undesirable aspects" yes, I agree...forgot about the mirror effect...
this year must have been the crazy part of my personality
that I want to keep hidden

toxic personality... maybe I have healed or cleansed some of my
negativity this year without acknowledging the process...this would be good!

 

[brenmck]

I had a good friend on ATF who called the people you describe as "energy vampires." The more patience and compassion you offer the more they are happy to sponge up. Sometimes it really is the other person who could clean up his act.

 

[caridwen]

I'm not sure I agree that negative people reflect negative parts of ourselves etc Some people have mental health problems or are selfish or think the world evolves around them. They do not take you into account and see you as merely in their orbit.

A lot of toxicity directed at you is usually other people's projections and rarely personal.

What this may have taught you is your need for better boundaries and some simple self assertiveness techniques.

I am continually working on strengthening my boundaries and am currently in a phase where I'm keeping everyone at arms length as I'm yet to reach a medium. It's very hard and an ongoing process. I took an assertiveness course which was incredibly helpful.

I'm planning on taking a How to deal with difficult people course as well this year. I used to let people intrude into my personal space mentally as well as physically as I didn't know how to assert myself. I would then think enough is enough and explode. This really was my problem and not theirs as they did not know they were intruding on me.

Some situations can be dealt with assertively, some you have to walk away from as they are too toxic and others you have to keep a distance from.

People treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated

 

[poivre]

brenmck...yes I understand the "energy vampires"
I keep thinking...they are not like that but now I'm thinking...maybe???

caridwen... thank you for the post
"better boundaries"
yes I agree...but always feel sympathetic towards others my mistake
these people are aggressive so strengthing my boundaries will be my
goal as of now.

 

[BodhiSeed]

Found this in my email this morning:

Eknath Easwaran's Thought for the Day

******

January 2

The goal ever recedes from us. The greater the progress, the
greater the recognition of our unworthiness. Satisfaction
lies in the effort, not in the attainment. Full effort is
full victory.

-Mahatma Gandhi

If we have a particular weakness, life has an uncanny way of
trying us at just that vulnerable spot. The man who is
anger-prone finds himself forced to work with aggravating
people. The woman who can't resist sweets can find no
job but one as a pastry cook.

This can seem like sheer perversity on a cosmic scale, until
we catch sight of the tremendous opportunity it provides.
Between our inner need for growth and our external
circumstances, a kind of dovetailing can often be detected.
There almost seems to be a master hand behind it all,
thrusting us time and time again into the same frustrating
situation until finally we relent: "All right, you win
- I'll grow if you insist!" This is all
that is really expected of us. Once we have made the firm
resolve to get ourselves out of the old trap, we will be
amazed how quickly our circumstances begin to change, how
quickly new opportunities open up for us.

 

[poivre]

Thank you BodhiSeed

I do feel I controlled the negative energy and learned the lesson.
These people were very aggressive and when I spoke to them calmly I
got them to relax and talk without fear...I kept saying to the one
"don't yell at me when I'm trying to talk with you" finally she calmed down
and the tears started to fall. I gave her a hug and said we all have to be
accepting to other peoples personality...just about broke my heart, feel like
I'm been through the meat grinder but stronger...knowing I can calm down
someone without being aggressive myself...before I'd shake and cry myself or
exist the room and never what to see the person again.