Who said life should be HAPPY?

[Milfoil]

It seems to be a big part of everything in life these days. How many books have been written about how to make your life happier, how to live a happy life and how to be essentially happy? But who said that life is about being happy? Is that the goal?

It would appear to be a relatively recent phenomenon which has flowed along with our technological advances that make our lives easier, processed foods which make us feel good for a brief moment, stories in the media about success, riches and ease.

In the past our ancestors accepted from an early age that life was a patchwork of light and dark, good and bad and that it mirrored the reality around them (day and night, summer and winter, life and death, pain and joy) so why are all our efforts now centred upon ease, pain free, success, luxury and happiness at all costs. Is it simply in our nature to accept ease because it feels better?

Are so many of us really that unhappy with our lives or have we simply been lead to believe that it should be better than it is, that if we have not been a success in the eyes of business or society that we are a failure? Is waking up happy every day so important that it clouds the actual life we lead?

Of the poorest people I know personally, they have roofs over their heads, benefits that pay for the essentials, safety, medical care, tvs, computers, access to libraries, education and way, way more than many people in other parts of the world. Does our happiness depend on anything but our own concepts of what life should be?

 

[Est]

Great question, Milfoil

I believe that people now are falling into the trap of pursuing happiness so that they can then be more purposeful, fulfilled, more engaged with others and so on. But actually, it is having a purposeful life and engaging with others that brings happiness.

Because so many people have it the wrong way round, the search for happiness has become a modern-day obsession as it seems elusive and fleeting.

But happiness is the end product, not the source. That's why it seems hard to find. Actually, there is no need to actively pursue happiness. If people had a bigger purpose in mind for their lives, took small practical steps every day towards that and engaged with others for a sense of community... they'd be happy. Simplez! (And yes, of course there are ups and down, good days and bad days.. but we're talking about someone reaching the end of their life and being able to say, "Yes, for the majority of my life, I have felt happy and fulfilled"... yes?)

It's funny (odd, not ha ha) that this is becoming very big in organisations now. I do a lot of work consultancy around employee engagement, motivation and satisfaction. Clients invariably think that they need engaged employees in order to increase productivity, get better customer results, increase retention and so on. But again, it's the other way round (and it's proven by research). If they have a well-communicated purpose as an organisation, and everyone's team and personal objectives clearly stem from that so they understand how their work supports the achievement of the whole, and they know exactly what to do each day, and get regular constructive feedback about their performance (praise as well as developmental) so that the results are being achieved... then they are engaged. (Putting a performance driven framework in place is a big project, but very worthwhile!)

I often wonder if it will become broadly accepted in the business world before people catch on in everyday life!

 

[poopsie]

Milfoil and Est , I agree with you, particularly about the business organizations. However, this is what saddens me. I also do consulting and this if often what i have observed: companies want their people to do their best, to live "meaningful purposeful lives" at work, and becontented with the benefits they are getting. But the price of that would be extremely stretched goals, severe multitasking, upheaval changes to be "competitive" and so on . Actually, this appears ok. In addition, they will demand loyalty from employees and pay good wages ... however, when the business goes down, the first to go are the employees whom they expected loyalty from.

I remember Stephen Covey saying that it's quite peculiar when we talk business, we refer to machines, physical facilities as assets and people as costs. And yet, we know that people make or break the business. Even with technology atound, it is still people who make them work.

I actually feel saddened that people, (at least in the organizations) in my country feel the drudgery of work and have seemed to have forgotten the feeling and meaning of happiness. I do know one thing - we do pursue happiness in our own way, and each of us has a different meaning attached to the word. We do many things to have happiness ... I actually also wonder if happiness is also equivalent to success and meaning. I guess it depends on how we define it.

I like this thread though, because it is making me reflect on whether I am actually pursuing what makes me happy or happiness, or am i aiming to be "successful". but i might not necessarily be happy. i do know one thing thou, at least for me .... I observe that when I pursue something i am really passionate about because i truly love it, even if others may not care much for it, the mere fact that i spend time on this is more than enough to create fulfillment for me. I realize this is what i feel sbout for example, doing and studying tarot and journalizing. Even jf i do readings only for myself and journalize it, i somehow feel so elated, relaxed, fulfilled and happy after. some may view this as short term and superficial, but i really don't care. I feel i grow more, my intuition and creativity gets stronger, my writing becomes more enhanced, my knowledge and insights about different tarot decks become more wisdom-filled ... that's great enough for me.

It will be nice to hear from others their thoughts on this topic. Great thread!

 

[Est]

Poopsie, you make a superb point there about knowing what matters to YOU. Because whatever we do, it has to be aligned to our values for it to count as purposeful!

I took some time a while ago to figure out my personal values and now I know, when I consider doing something, whether it fits with my values. It helps me to prioritise what I do with limited personal time, and lets me decide what to discard.

That's really the key thing... that everyone's purpose for their lives, the daily things they do towards that, the way they connect with the world around them, HAS to fit with their values (because if not, it's not purposeful for them!)

Great point!

 

[Milfoil]

I love both of your replies and can identify with both. In fact I am going to a 'Happiness in the workplace' talk next week for employers by Mark Williamson (director of Action for Happiness). His profile has him down as a real go-getter yet some of the things he writes contradict that stereotype. When we are happy it creates success, not the other way around and success can be whatever we deem it to be.

Happiness is not found, it comes from our actions - Dalai Lama

The thing is, some of the more horrendous times in my life have, upon reflection after, been the most intense learning and growth periods too. Hard work, pain, discomfort, discipline, endurance are incredible tools, not to be feared but wisely put to use.

A friend of mine, Kelley Harrell, wrote a book called 'Gift of the Dreamtime' - Awakening to the Divinity of Trauma about her experiences of incest and how trauma has been a focus for a spiritual awakening in her life.

Nobody wants or needs to live in fear, pain or unhappiness all their lives but sometimes it is inescapable and seems to be part of how we evolve or awaken as spiritual beings.

Today I feel neither happy nor sad - just balanced I guess, tomorrow may be different but there is no compelling need to feel ecstatically happy all the time.

 

[WolfyJames]

Personally I think lack of gratefulness can cause unhappiness. People are driven, not only by themselves but by companies who want to sell them products, to be unsatisfied and to seek the things that will make them feel happier or satisfied. When I talk about drive it can be that some persons are ambitious, some others care too much about what the others think of them.

I think being grateful for what we have and being satisfied with what we have is a good start. The world is filled with people in worst situations than we are.

Also it's about being grateful about the good and the bad experience that made us who we are.

 

[The crowned one]

Our expectations are so much higher then our needs, and these books you talk about often perpetuate these idea's, some subtle, some blunt. Happiness may come from within, but it is created by our perceptions of our environment, social status, culture, wants vs needs ect. Due to unrealistic expectations, social pressure, and needs, most people are never happy for long. Happiness is a form of understanding and acceptance, when you have enough of what it takes to be happy. Its knowing what is enough, not what you think is enough based on the cultural sign posts of our crazy unhappy world.

And knowing this does not free you from it.

 

[Carla]

Happiness, to me, is a state of mental ease. It ranges from the neutral contentment of all basic needs being met to moments of intense joy.

For me, real happiness is like a net under me. No matter what fleeting discontent or annoyance I may be dealing with in the moment, I know that something is there to catch me. It is my own willingness to find peace where it is, rather than where I thought it should be, or where the world has tried to teach me it should be.

Happiness is inside me. It does not have to be loud or to draw attention to itself. We don't even have to realise we are happy in order to be. Happiness can be our default setting. If we let it.

Success, failure, social expectations, how much money you make, that other stuff...it's really not important to happiness. But then, I am one of the least ambitious people I know. My husband is the other.

 

[rachelcat]

Yes, yes! Consumerism and its opposite, gratitude!

It is human nature to think that the next thing, relationship, car, tv show, or, yes, tarot deck, will make us happy. And that it cheers us for a while, and then we're chasing the next thing.

This universal tendency has been harnessed by capitalism to drive the world economy.

(My son actually paid EXTRA to get a WHITE phone, as opposed to an otherwise completely identical black phone, not because he loves the color white, but because it was new and different than what other people have. Literally superficial!)

I believe that corporations and some business people live in fear that an unexpected wave of gratitude and contentment will have a huge detrimental effect on profits.

So strike a blow against greed and globalization! Count your blessings today!

 

[Milfoil]

Happiness is a form of understanding and acceptance, when you have enough of what it takes to be happy. Its knowing what is enough, not what you think is enough based on the cultural sign posts of our crazy unhappy world.

And knowing this does not free you from it.

I am wondering if happiness is the right word. Understanding and embracing what our real needs are and how we exist in the world could be considered peace or bliss rather than happiness?

For me, real happiness is like a net under me. . . . It is my own willingness to find peace where it is, rather than where I thought it should be, or where the world has tried to teach me it should be.

I really like that, and, like you, I am not ambitious either. The willingness to find peace . . .

Personally I think lack of gratefulness can cause unhappiness.

I think being grateful for what we have and being satisfied with what we have is a good start. The world is filled with people in worst situations than we are.

Also it's about being grateful about the good and the bad experience that made us who we are.

Yes, yes! Consumerism and its opposite, gratitude! . . .

So strike a blow against greed and globalization! Count your blessings today!

Absolutely. When I was young back in the 60s the phrase 'be grateful for what you've got' was an almost daily saying. Now it is hardly ever heard. Younger ones especially 'expect' to have everything and when their salary doesn't allow, they get into debt in order to live up to the financially driven, falsely constructed psychology of stuff = happiness.

So many of these self help books talk about manifesting money, living the dream and it seems impossible in my opinion, for every person on the planet to live their dream especially if they don't really understand what their dream means. Learning to be not only satisfied but grateful for what we have, grateful for the bad stuff which we not only survive but can be transformed through and appreciative of the simplest things like a tree, a sunset or a smile from a stranger.