the other person

[mrs ahab]

Hi, Ive seen it said a few times that you shouldn't read for a person without their permission, meaning that you cant find out whats going on with someone else only the person you are reading for. Yet many spreads include these elements "how the other person feels" what are their true intentions" etc especially in romantic spreads, even spreads that have one set of cards for each person in the relationship. I just wondered what peoples thoughts around this was. This interests me because of course other people are a main feature in our lives and readings. I'm fairly new to reading and to me it seems right to explore our own feelings and the influences and dynamics other people bring to our lives but i would feel less confident to directly interpret another persons feelings or intentions. That did immediately lead me to think of the court cards in which case I would feel ok in summing up a persons personality... am I making sense? Just thinking things over and trying to find my way

 

[AraLuck]

Hi, Ive seen it said a few times that you shouldn't read for a person without their permission, meaning that you cant find out whats going on with someone else only the person you are reading for. Yet many spreads include these elements "how the other person feels" what are their true intentions" etc especially in romantic spreads, even spreads that have one set of cards for each person in the relationship. I just wondered what peoples thoughts around this was. This interests me because of course other people are a main feature in our lives and readings. I'm fairly new to reading and to me it seems right to explore our own feelings and the influences and dynamics other people bring to our lives but i would feel less confident to directly interpret another persons feelings or intentions. That did immediately lead me to think of the court cards in which case I would feel ok in summing up a persons personality... am I making sense? Just thinking things over and trying to find my way

Hi there - I am also very new and read at the beginning that it's not 'ethical' per se to do so. Yet, more often than not, people read Tarot because they are unable to get answers directly from that person they are asking about. Right or wrong - and there is no such thing as that as per my beliefs, just different ways of doing things - sometimes this is what determines the accuracy of the reading.

My personal approach is to work with the Beings of Light/Spirit Guide and I call upon their assistance and ask that they show me what I am meant to see, allowed to see. This is the initial guidance I got when I started reading, but I only put it into practice when I started believing in it myself. When I started believing that outer forces were guiding my readings. Therefore I personally am ok with reading for others, whether conscious permission or not is given, since when addressing their guides I am somewhat getting that permission and am able to see what is relevant.

I found that the most confusing readings came when I wasn't really meant to know anything else about an issue - the guidance was just confusing and guides and books I have read point to that. Also, I found on this forum we all have very different reading styles. So it all depends on your approach. You develop your own style, the one which feels right and suits you... and you try and help people who come to you with that. Hope that is somewhat helpful

 

[nisaba]

I know I would be pretty bleedin' unhappy if I knew someone went to a reader and said to them "I want to know what Nisaba thinks or feels."

And even unhappier if they went to a reader and asked no particular question, but the reader then said "this is how Nisaba feels or what Nisaba's thinking". Unhappier, because I'd expect the reader to know better and to have some idea of privacy concerns in the general community.

Just because the government watches us, doesn't mean *you* have a right to watch *me*, or *I* have a right to watch *you*.

 

[AraLuck]

I know I would be pretty bleedin' unhappy if I knew someone went to a reader and said to them "I want to know what Nisaba thinks or feels."

And even unhappier if they went to a reader and asked no particular question, but the reader then said "this is how Nisaba feels or what Nisaba's thinking". Unhappier, because I'd expect the reader to know better and to have some idea of privacy concerns in the general community.

Just because the government watches us, doesn't mean *you* have a right to watch *me*, or *I* have a right to watch *you*.

True if someone is 'watching' you - but what if someone is only trying to resolve an issue? Find a way forward? Get help. I don't think my partner, parents, friends would mind if I was trying to find a solution. For example, I asked someone to read about how things would progress with my mum - with whom I have a complicated relationship - when I next go home. The reading isn't with my mother's authorisation per se. But would she be so horrified that I am only trying to ensure we do not have any conflicts? Would it be so bad to know how she's feeling and what I should do/not do for a smooth time at home?

I just don't believe it's at all as devilish as people make it out to be and it's all very subjective. The cards, I believe, and the energies around them, will just not give you any relevant info if you're not needing it. My view. Not imposed, just shared.

 

[AprilShowers]

To be honest I've asked those sort of questions "how does x feel about me?" in the past, and I've taken action based on this only to be rejected for example.

I've learned over time that the positive reading was my own, reflecting my own feelings and not someone else's. So I don't ask anymore. It's not a moral issue for me because I don't believe the tarot reads absent people, only the person doing the shuffling.

When the sky is cloudy you come along with your pretty little song

 

[tarot_quest]

I do.

I tune into my intuition, and if I feel that I should not ask about XYZ, I will feel less inspired or too nervous to do the reading. I also realized over time that if I should not know something about XYZ, the cards will send a blurry message.

When I ask information about someone else, I sometimes ''feel'' that it is a good thing to do. I could save me some times, protect me or avoid me some eventual problems (or de-dramatize things).

The golden rule is respect. From there, every one has to set their own personal standards.

 

[Calayvie]

This is a topic that has puzzled me a lot. When first learning about tarot I did read it was unethical to ask or seek info about someone else without their permission.

I'm kind of itching to peer into my brothers life, and a bit into other peoples.. But I can't. I'd feel like I were invading their privacy. So I won't unless I have permission.

What Araluck said about asking their guides... Well it struck me as a bit of a sneak-in-the-back-door kind of way around it! But... It does make some sense and the cards won't show you (i dont think?) what you shouldn't know, but that may not be the same as what the subject person does or doesn't want you to know?
If the cards came out hazy because I'm not meant to know I'd worry I'd make something of them anyway because of doubt, since I'm not a confident experienced reader yet. And that could get messy. [emoji4]

I agree with Nisaba I wouldn't want anyone peering into my life.
I'm shocked by how many questions people ask here about the "other person", to me it feels a tad wrong.

I don't think the cards should be a replacement for real communication, and whatever challenges and lessons that may involve. Human interaction, its an amazing thing people [emoji12] LOL (says the introvert!)

I think wording the question in a way that gives you your half of the answer, about the issue, or helps you figure out how to approach the issue, may be the respectful way to go about it, for me anyway.

But... Let's just wait till I meet a man I'm interested in and suddenly I'm just itching to know... "How does he feel about me?!" [emoji1]

Ethics and morals, one comes from the book, the other from your heart.




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[Barleywine]

I stay away from "thinks/feels" questions in general, and particularly those focused on third parties. It's not an ethical concern for me but more one of effectiveness. Someone here said it well: feelings are so ephemeral, "on" one moment and "off" the next, that there is little value in trying to pin them down via the tarot. Personally, I find chasing them highly conjectural, more in the realm of "mind reading" than card reading. If the question were "How will X react if I make it clear I want to hook up?" that places it in the realm of action, both by the querent and the other party, and I'm more comfortable with that. I see a fine line between what's potentially useful and what's just idle guesswork.

 

[Citrin]

I actually do third party readings, more or less, it depends on that specifik case. I always do it with the intention to not find out things someone wants to keep a secret, that’s really important to me.

It might sound odd, but I kind of see it as the same thing as reading someone’s body language or similar. Especially when it comes to love readings it might be that someone is too shy, or scared of being turned down, and that’s why they don’t just go out and say ”Hi I have a crush on you!”. Sometimes I refuse to do readings because the answer is so obvious. If someone says something like ”I still love my ex so much, but he avoids me and I’ve been heartbroken for two years. Does he love me? Does he see me as his soulmate? Does he still think about me?”. In those cases it’s just like… Honey, no, it’s like asking the cards if the sky is green, there’s no point in spending money on that…

So yeah, with the intention of not finding out secrets third party readings are no ethical problem to me. Someone might freak out about that, but I don’t care. We do it all the time in real life, ask people ”Do you think my boss is mad at me? Has she said anything to you about it?”, ”Does that guy seem to like me? Is he flirting or just being friendly?” etc…

 

[MaeWasteland]

I'm not convinced by this "well, I'm asking their guides and getting the guides' permission" notion, sounds a lot like a family member who used to decide unilaterally to "send me reiki healing" and when I asked/told her not to, she said "well, just your higher self will send it back if you don't want my help, sweetie". My higher self/guides/whatever have better things to use their energies on than rejecting unwanted intrusions.

As to the actual question, well, I'm not sure. I think a lot of these questions are really more about teasing out what the querent (in my case, me, so far) already pretty much knows/suspects is the truth. For instance, with the family member above, it wouldn't take a mind reader to know that I see her as feeling like her "wanting to help" is more important than my not wanting her "help", and kinda patronising. But if I was just generally in a mood with her and couldn't put my finger on why, a tarot reading might help me figure the details out.