4 Cups clarified by 5 Cups (how to break stalemate)

[christinab253]

I completed a spread last night regarding the stalemate between myself and another who I am attracted to. This spread can be found in the tarot spreads index. I used the Shadowscape deck.

In the position (number 7) of "what the querent can do to break the stalemate" I drew the 4 Cups. I thought that this was a very odd card to draw and it seems to suggest inaction and doing nothing. But then I wondered if it was, in fact, advising me to make an offer which would certainly break the stalemate. Or to be careful of missing an opportunity.

I pulled a clarifier this morning and drew the 5 Cups. Now I am even more confused! Previous threads have suggested that this card means to focus on the positive things. Well there is nothing negative between me and this other person anyway, only really positive feelings. And I am struggling to see how this ties in with the 4 Cups and what meanings they have in common. Does the 5 Cups represent disappointment from missing an opportunity or failing to take action?

Any other ideas?

 

[Sandalwood]

I completed a spread last night regarding the stalemate between myself and another who I am attracted to. This spread can be found in the tarot spreads index. I used the Shadowscape deck.

In the position (number 7) of "what the querent can do to break the stalemate" I drew the 4 Cups. I thought that this was a very odd card to draw and it seems to suggest inaction and doing nothing. But then I wondered if it was, in fact, advising me to make an offer which would certainly break the stalemate. Or to be careful of missing an opportunity.

I pulled a clarifier this morning and drew the 5 Cups. Now I am even more confused! Previous threads have suggested that this card means to focus on the positive things. Well there is nothing negative between me and this other person anyway, only really positive feelings. And I am struggling to see how this ties in with the 4 Cups and what meanings they have in common. Does the 5 Cups represent disappointment from missing an opportunity or failing to take action?

Any other ideas?

I think it's likely you can't do much to change this situation. If the other is rather unresponsive to you (and thus acting like the 4 of cups), then this card suggest that there's not that much you can do to suddenly catch their interest. Especially when it's clarified by 5 of cups = losses.
It also depends on the rest of the spread. You can totally make this person an offer, but if he/she is not taking it and/or doesn''t seem responsive again, then that is your answer about the state of the relationship at this point in time.

 

[christinab253]

I think it's likely you can't do much to change this situation. If the other is rather unresponsive to you (and thus acting like the 4 of cups), then this card suggest that there's not that much you can do to suddenly catch their interest. Especially when it's clarified by 5 of cups = losses.
It also depends on the rest of the spread. You can totally make this person an offer, but if he/she is not taking it and/or doesn''t seem responsive again, then that is your answer about the state of the relationship at this point in time.

Thank you Sandalwood. So you tend to go with my first thought that the advice is to do nothing?

As to whether he seems unresponsive, I don't think that he does. I actually think that he is very keen on me and responds well to me (not at all acting like 4 cups). I think it is more a case that we are at stalemate for other reasons to do with work and whether it would be appropriate. There were other cards in the spread concerning what is holding us back and for him it was the Magician (which I thought could be not believing in himself and therefore trying to keep feelings under control and exercising willpower to do so) and for me Page of Swords (concerns about gossip, damage to reputation etc).

 

[Sandalwood]

Thank you Sandalwood. So you tend to go with my first thought that the advice is to do nothing?

As to whether he seems unresponsive, I don't think that he does. I actually think that he is very keen on me and responds well to me (not at all acting like 4 cups). I think it is more a case that we are at stalemate for other reasons to do with work and whether it would be appropriate. There were other cards in the spread concerning what is holding us back and for him it was the Magician (which I thought could be not believing in himself and therefore trying to keep feelings under control and exercising willpower to do so) and for me Page of Swords (concerns about gossip, damage to reputation etc).

The other cards would certainly give the information on what's going on between you two. On its own 4 cups is not really a good card an I would read it as I described (especially with the 5 cups). Especially if someone is still in contact, but there would not be much initiative to take it further from the others side. In your readings you can post the full reading if you would like to get more responses.

 

[Prilica]

I completed a spread last night regarding the stalemate between myself and another who I am attracted to. This spread can be found in the tarot spreads index. I used the Shadowscape deck.

In the position (number 7) of "what the querent can do to break the stalemate" I drew the 4 Cups. I thought that this was a very odd card to draw and it seems to suggest inaction and doing nothing. But then I wondered if it was, in fact, advising me to make an offer which would certainly break the stalemate. Or to be careful of missing an opportunity.

I pulled a clarifier this morning and drew the 5 Cups. Now I am even more confused! Previous threads have suggested that this card means to focus on the positive things. Well there is nothing negative between me and this other person anyway, only really positive feelings. And I am struggling to see how this ties in with the 4 Cups and what meanings they have in common. Does the 5 Cups represent disappointment from missing an opportunity or failing to take action?

Any other ideas?

Since the 5 of cups is only a clarifier, the 4 of cups is asking you to reflect and think about the 5 of cups or current faults or negative traits of each other, the past of each other and also to value the 2 left cups, I get it as "be aware of the negative side as well as the positive", sometimes realizing the faults of something give us a deeper understanding, and in a relationship not everything is perfect, and also being aware of the strength of the relationship

 

[christinab253]

Since the 5 of cups is only a clarifier, the 4 of cups is asking you to reflect and think about the 5 of cups or current faults or negative traits of each other, the past of each other and also to value the 2 left cups, I get it as "be aware of the negative side as well as the positive", sometimes realizing the faults of something give us a deeper understanding, and in a relationship not everything is perfect, and also being aware of the strength of the relationship

Yes this definitely makes sense. Past issues (of both of us) is definitely something that has crossed my mind. We have both had a tough time and, although this could create understanding, it could also come with baggage and challenges.

I am still having difficulty seeing how this rather passive action could break the stalemate, however... Maybe things need time (I keep drawing the knight of pentacles when I ask about him).

 

[Thirteen]

The glass is half-full

When you pull a clarifier, you're saying to the cards "I didn't understand what you said, can you say it again?" The cards say the same thing with the clarifier as they did with the first card, only in a different, presumably "clearer" way. So what do these cards have in common? Both of them show someone pre-occupied with an emotional fantasy, dream or what-if. The man in 4/Cups is doing nothing because he is pre-occupied with that hovering cloud-cup. He has three real, solid cups before him. But the one he doesn't have is the one that seems to matter. It's keeping him from enjoying what he does have. And in the 5/Cups, the person is mourning the spilled cups, while ignoring the cups still standing.

Now cups, action-wise, are about expressing to a person how you feel. NOT what you think. How you feel. "I want you to know how I've been feeling," you say (or you give them a hug, or you cry in front of them or write them a poem....Whatever best expresses your feelings to them). When you say "This is how I feel" you avoid judging them, or re-hashing what they did or didn't do. They can't argue with you about your feelings, and it gets those feelings out into the open.

So. I actually think the action you need to take here is amazingly clear. It's not inaction at all. It's that you need to stop focusing on the things causing the stalemate, the things that are pre-occupying you and keeping you from seeing what is real/still standing. Stop with the "We don't have this dream cup" or "these cups are spilled, alas!" feelings. Instead, express to him what makes you feel good about your relationship with him--what is still standing, what is real and solid. What you like about him, what you're grateful for, etc.

In short: discuss what's half-full in the cup, not what's half-empty.

 

[christinab253]

When you pull a clarifier, you're saying to the cards "I didn't understand what you said, can you say it again?" The cards say the same thing with the clarifier as they did with the first card, only in a different, presumably "clearer" way. So what do these cards have in common? Both of them show someone pre-occupied with an emotional fantasy, dream or what-if. The man in 4/Cups is doing nothing because he is pre-occupied with that hovering cloud-cup. He has three real, solid cups before him. But the one he doesn't have is the one that seems to matter. It's keeping him from enjoying what he does have. And in the 5/Cups, the person is mourning the spilled cups, while ignoring the cups still standing.

Now cups, action-wise, are about expressing to a person how you feel. NOT what you think. How you feel. "I want you to know how I've been feeling," you say (or you give them a hug, or you cry in front of them or write them a poem....Whatever best expresses your feelings to them). When you say "This is how I feel" you avoid judging them, or re-hashing what they did or didn't do. They can't argue with you about your feelings, and it gets those feelings out into the open.

So. I actually think the action you need to take here is amazingly clear. It's not inaction at all. It's that you need to stop focusing on the things causing the stalemate, the things that are pre-occupying you and keeping you from seeing what is real/still standing. Stop with the "We don't have this dream cup" or "these cups are spilled, alas!" feelings. Instead, express to him what makes you feel good about your relationship with him--what is still standing, what is real and solid. What you like about him, what you're grateful for, etc.

In short: discuss what's half-full in the cup, not what's half-empty.

Wow! Thank you Thirteen!

There have been lot of things worrying me about trying to make things more personal between us and I have been pre-occupied by these. I know him through my work, however, I am facing redundancy within the next few months which could either end my involvement with him or provide the opportunity to stay in touch (on a personal level) without having to worry about the consequences this could have for my job.

So perhaps I need to take this opportunity and make an offer!