le fey
This isn't to push for what isn't relevent to the the collaboration, but I thought I would share some of the reasoning behind my suggestion of looking at the definitions of infidelity each side holds (including the querent).
Maybe I've never defined 'infidelity' for myself - I know I want a faithful partner, but I don't really know what that means.... until I'm going through a jealous fit of trauma over finding out he volunteers to start a project that work that has him spending long hours at night with a pretty coworker...and it doesn't even matter to me if they are having sex - if he was faithful he'd never put himself in that situation!!
And meanwhile, he - like more than one man I know (including at least one President) doesn't think it's infidelity unless actual genital to genital intercourse takes place. And therefore can and will quite sincerely assure you he's faithful when he's doing things that most of the world would regard as total infidelity. (You want to know about this guy...because he not only 'cheats' but he sincerely doesn't believe he is and that makes those assurances particularly crazy-making lies)
By seeing them side by side, there is a lot of revelations that can happen (such as 'wow, we better actually work out the 'rules' of fidelity here, because our assumptions are at great odds') when you see your own view staring up at you... and theirs clearly being very different.
So...what's his tendency to cheat. Do you mean tendency to not consider that you expect him never to be alone with someone of the opposite sex that is sexually interesting? Maybe your answer is yes, he might just do that - does it make him a big cheater, then? (not by my definition..or his. But you can call him that and make him into a villian, or you can decide he's worth sitting down with and hammering out some spoken agreements instead of assumptions that cause hurt and misunderstanding).
If looking at your definition and thinking 'hmm, that's a little nutty' helps you stop being suspicious.. that's a pretty good result.
Maybe I've never defined 'infidelity' for myself - I know I want a faithful partner, but I don't really know what that means.... until I'm going through a jealous fit of trauma over finding out he volunteers to start a project that work that has him spending long hours at night with a pretty coworker...and it doesn't even matter to me if they are having sex - if he was faithful he'd never put himself in that situation!!
And meanwhile, he - like more than one man I know (including at least one President) doesn't think it's infidelity unless actual genital to genital intercourse takes place. And therefore can and will quite sincerely assure you he's faithful when he's doing things that most of the world would regard as total infidelity. (You want to know about this guy...because he not only 'cheats' but he sincerely doesn't believe he is and that makes those assurances particularly crazy-making lies)
By seeing them side by side, there is a lot of revelations that can happen (such as 'wow, we better actually work out the 'rules' of fidelity here, because our assumptions are at great odds') when you see your own view staring up at you... and theirs clearly being very different.
So...what's his tendency to cheat. Do you mean tendency to not consider that you expect him never to be alone with someone of the opposite sex that is sexually interesting? Maybe your answer is yes, he might just do that - does it make him a big cheater, then? (not by my definition..or his. But you can call him that and make him into a villian, or you can decide he's worth sitting down with and hammering out some spoken agreements instead of assumptions that cause hurt and misunderstanding).
If looking at your definition and thinking 'hmm, that's a little nutty' helps you stop being suspicious.. that's a pretty good result.