Fairylights' Dream Diary and Interpretation Thread

[fairylights]

I don't know if this is the appropriate forum to post this thread, but since there seem to be quite a few dream interpretation threads, I figured it was the best place to put it.

I usually have very vivid dreams and dream every night. I used to be better at remembering them and also used to be able to lucid dream but sadly have lost that ability over the last couple of years. I would like to work my way back towards it though and maybe keeping a record of the dreams I do remember will help.

Last night, I dreamed of a tsunami. I was a teenager again in the dream, sneaking out of home to go buy something I wasn't supposed to (a gift for my boyfriend, I think it was but I don't remember what the actual object was). I hopped off the metro and walked outside and I was surprised to see a beach there because my city is close to the coast but not actually on it. It was beautiful in a grim, monochrome kind of way - rolling grey sands and turbulent grey water and tall thin black trees - but there were a lot of people on it, enjoying themselves, despite the fact that the water was rising and swelling in an eerie way.

I remember being mesmerized by it but also feeling a pit of dread in my stomach at the sight. In any case, the shop I needed to get to was some distance away from the beach and on higher ground so I turned my back on the sea and started climbing up a hill to get to it. There were lots of slopes and steps and it was on definitely higher ground. On the way I met someone I was trying to avoid (a political candidate for some position who was trying to get me to listen to her story and donate to her cause) but I wasn't in the mood so I pretended not to hear and went on.

Then the sky darkened and I turned around to see that the sea had retreated right away from the beach and I felt an "Oh shit" lump in my throat and started looking frantically for cover. Right on the hill on which I had climbed was a little hut with food provisions of all kinds ... it didn't look sturdy but it was the only shelter I had so I ran in, closed all the doors and windows and threw myself flat on the ground tornado warning style. There were two other women in the hut with me, including the one I had been avoiding, and we all covered our heads with our arms as we waited for the tsunami to strike. We felt it crash and water seeped through the cracks in the door before draining back out.

Finally when we were sure it was over, we went back out and saw that the whole beach had been flattened and desolated by the tsunami and not only that but the sea had pulled right back out so we thought that were were going to be hit by a second wave. So we ran back into the hut and waited for it but it never came ... instead we saw little snowflakes drift down from the sky and on to the earth. And all the time, I remember wishing I'd told my mom where I was going to be.

---

Feels like a Tower kind of dream to me. Uh oh. There are things I'm holding on to that maybe I shouldn't ... and sources of company and help I don't really want to consider either. I wonder if this is dream was trying to drive that point home for me. I've always loved the sea and never feared it despite its infinite might. Last night was the first time. I haven't done any tarot readings for a while apart from a cursory daily look at the Galaxy Tarot draw of the day on my tablet ... the Tower has not shown up ... but maybe I haven't been reading for myself because I know it will.

 

[fairylights]

My dreams are often embarrassingly transparent and need a minimum of interpretation because they describe my current preoccupations so baldly ... in flatly realistic terms.

Case in point: The last dream I had took place in the house that I grew up in. It's recently been sold by my family in real life, so it's been on my mind to some degree. I didn't like it very much (too much strife and bitterness, culminating in my parents' divorce at which point mom and I moved out) but it was definitely a part of my life growing up.

Anyway, my family was away from home and I was housesitting for a week. After cooking dinner, I went to check my email and found a letter from my boyfriend saying that he didn't think he could sustain our relationship anymore, because what he really wanted to become was a twelve year old girl trying to find herself and writing sad poems in her journal. And that he was probably going to be single for the rest of his life.

At which point, I threw my hands up in irritation and exclaimed to myself that he was doing an excellent job of actually behaving like a twelve year old girl writing sad poems in her journal.

---
This isn't far from how I feel in the waking world, actually. Part of me is immensely sympathetic to his existential angst ... but the other half is impatient and thinking "Wow, this is so 2000 and LATE, just get over it already. I guess the second part and its frustration are breaking through into my dreams in no uncertain terms.

 

[fairylights]

A deadly pandemic had gripped the world and no human could survive it. The streets were almost empty because so many people had already died ... intermittent power, almost no water, food shortages ... everything was coming to a screeching halt. I hadn't caught the disease yet or at least I wasn't showing symptoms but I knew it was only a matter of time before it came for me as well. My mom was also feeling okay for the moment and she was optimistic about the situation and felt positive that she would escape the worst. She was making plans to round up a small group of survivors who were immune to the disease and move to the country, some place clean and safe, and grow vegetables and learn to live off the land. She told me I should come with her since I was still healthy as well and I laughed and joked that I should find my love and bring him with us so we could take a shot at repopulating the earth.

I left her to her plans in her little city garden and walked outside and it was snowy and desolate. A group of young women was shuffling past on the icy sidewalk, sniffling miserably and hacking their lungs out. And I suddenly realized how out of breath I was myself and how much my own lung capacity had decreased and wondered if the disease had finally come for me as well. I decided at that point that I didn't want to drag my suffering and my death out and that the best thing for me to do would be just to end it. So I climbed to the roof of a building and stared down at the frozen ground below, steeling myself to jump. Suddenly, though, I felt a moment of doubt grip me ... that I couldn't actually bring myself to do it without at least trying to tell my love about it on the slim chance that he were actually still alive. And I looked into the horizon and saw the spires of the tallest building in the city, now decrepit and empty, and decided that if I had to go out, I would want to see the view from up there one first and last time.

So I climbed back down and tried to send him a text message about what I was going to do. I didn't think it was going to work because it simply didn't seem possible that there were enough phone people still alive to keep the service going, but to my amazement, it did send after all. Seeing that, I realized that I couldn't not call him just to hear his voice one last time so I hit dial and heard the phone ring on the other end. My heart soared as my call was answered after a couple of rings but plummeted again when I realized that the voice on the other end wasn't the one I'd been expecting. I angrily demanded to know where the stranger had got the phone ... whether he had stolen it while my love was still alive or whether he had looted it off his dead corpse ... and he kept telling me in broken English that he didn't understand what I was saying. I hung up in a fit of rage and confusion and stared at the blank phone screen wondering what I was going to do next and whether I could ever find my love or not ... I just couldn't bring myself to end things until I knew for sure. And I also knew that if he was still alive, I had to find him somehow and tell him one last time how much I loved him.

And then I woke up. It was 4:30 AM and my heart was pounding. I looked behind me at the fish tank near my pillow which has a pair of angel fish and in the darkness I could see only one and it made me sad.

 

[fairylights]

I think my last dream is fairly straightforward. I broke up with my boyfriend last week after it became apparent that the month-long break we'd been taking wasn't fixing our issues. However, we ended up reconciling two days later because despite all our problems, we still love each other too much not to try to make things work one last time.

But I do feel half in and half out and I think he does too and to a large extent, I no longer know where to find him in my mental and emotional landscape like I did before. And it feels apocalyptic and awful.

But there is still hope. Painful, beautiful, paralyzing hope.

 

[fairylights]

Haven't updated this in a while, partly because I've been slacking about remembering and writing up my dreams and partly because I figure that there's really no need to pump this thread up with gratuitous sex, LOL.

I do remember my dream from last night though and it really freaked me out so I do think it would be a good idea to write this one up. I don't normally need a whole lot of help interpreting my dreams because they are generally quite straightforward but I am really not sure what to make of this one so suggestions would be appreciated. The first para is just background, the rest of the story is the part of the dream that really scared me.

I had to get to work so I hopped on a bus. My boyfriend was also on the bus but he was sitting with his friends so I decided to find some place else and ended up sitting next to his ex-girlfriend, whom I also know independently (as a cordial but distant acquaintance ... we haven't been in touch recently at all.) We started talking and it was pretty fun and she invited me to go someplace with her, like dancing or something, but I don't remember exactly what. So I told her that I wished I could but I had to work so maybe we could hang out some other time. At that point, my boyfriend came up from the back of the bus and sat in an empty seat across the aisle from us and leered at me suggestively and she caught the expression and raised her eyebrows at me. So I explained that I was dating him and she made a face and said that she'd done it too and wouldn't recommend it. I shrugged in response and told her that this was my stop and got off the bus with my boyfriend.

I had a bit of time before work started so I walked off the road and into a shady little grove with my boyfriend to take in some fresh air and greenery and flowers while I could. We took shelter under the canopy of a big leafy tree and started talking about what to do for lunch. He was leaning against the trunk and I was perched on one of the lowest branches. That's when I noticed a mysterious creature hovering above our heads. It looked like a small fox but the really peculiar thing about it was that it had wings. Not big broad wings like a bird's but thin, translucent, almost invisible wings like an insect's that were moving so fast that I could barely make them out. I squinted at it to make sure that I was seeing right and nudged my boyfriend to look at it too. And as he looked up, the creature started moving through the leaves and branches and we realized that it was like a chameleon, its skin changing color and texture to mimic its surroundings expertly so that it became progressively more like the rough gray brown wood of the branches and tree trunk.

It was now hovering directly over my boyfriend and my heart sank as it slowly started lowering itself to the ground. My sense of alarm, which had been gradually building as I tracked the creature's progress, now reached a peak, and I grabbed my boyfriend by the arm and told him that we should get moving but he stood there transfixed by the creature as it slithered snakelike down the tree trunk and then, before I had time to react, dropped to wrap itself around his head and neck and shoulders. He uttered a muffled cry and then fell silent as the creature, which had now taken on the shape of a large bat with mottled black fur and malevolent black eyes, pressed itself against his flesh. I beat against it with my hands trying to shoo it off and it melted away, disappearing before I could see where it had gone. My boyfriend sank unconscious to the ground, slumped against the base of the tree, blood seeping from the rows of puncture holes the creature had left in his neck and shoulders and chest.

It was a really bad dream. I have no idea what it means though. I hope it's not a portent of any harm to come.

 

[fairylights]

My last dream wasn't particularly interesting in terms of plot ... but it was semi-lucid, which hasn't happened for a while, so that was cool.

I started out by having a long conversation with my bf about what he wanted out of life and whether or not he saw a future for us at all ... and he answered with his favorite phrase in the world: "I don't know." I felt that the only way I could respond to such a tepid reaction was to break up with him and I said so ... and remember being hurt that he didn't even try to put up a token fight. But at least it was done.

After that, I found I'd got into grad school, which I was excited about, especially because I'd got into my first choice school, the place I'd gone for undergrad. Seriously, I loved that place, I'd love to go back for real. Anyway, I got there and the big lawn behind the main administrative building had been converted into some kind of carnival/parade ground. There were lots of rides and happy people eating cotton candy but all the grass was gone and it was dusty. Folks kept asking me if I needed directions, being new, but I waved them off and said I could find my own way.

At that point, I bumped into my best friend from elementary school and she started complaining about her significant other's parents, who did not like her and disapproved of their union. I told her I'd been having boyfriend trouble too and asked her to confirm that she was actually with someone ... turns out, the SO was a woman rather than a man and I was very confused because I'd never received the impression that my friend was anything but straight.

In any case, I decided that I wanted the keys to my new place so I'd go pick them up. The building where new students pick up keys is very inconveniently located, on the very edge of campus, so it was a bit of a trek, and when I finally got there, it was dark and the staff seemed suspiciously reluctant to turn on the lights. I asked for my keys and they handed me a moving in packet, presumably with my name on it, but it was too dark to see. I decided I'd check later, put the packet in my bag, and went out and started walking towards main campus. I realized then that I didn't know exactly which building I was supposed to be staying in so I reached into the bag for my packet and realized the label with the address on it had fallen off.

That's when it sank in that I might be in a dream, so I told myself that I'd have to do a reality check by looking for the lost label and if I found it, I would have to be able to read it. I dug through my bag looking for it but it proved elusive and I was almost convinced that I was in fact living in a dream when I came across a lone slip of paper and found that it was what I was looking for. I examined it and realized that it was in fact in English and I could read it quite easily, but the address itself was written in funny blotchy letters, pointed to a building that I knew was a dorm for undergraduate rather than grad students, and the address format was completely wrong. So I'd confirmed that I was in fact in a dream and I remember feeling disappointed and then waking up.