Meddling, muddling ADD querent

[FLizarraga]

RUN lol.

Yes, that would be the wisest course of action, ha ha.

OK seriously, if it were a friend, I would just say if you wish me to read for you, I need...and then whatever it is. Your attention. Quiet. Whatever. It reminds me of people who are constantly on their cell when they're dining with someone, although in a reading, it would be worse! You are so good to do readings for your friend and patient .

She is like that ALL THE TIME. Like I said, it's compulsive, poor dear. Sometimes I feel like taking that thing from her hands and smashing it with a HAMMER, though.

 

[FLizarraga]

SHE'S HERE!

 

[tarotbear]

SHE'S HERE!

That's even more frightening ...

Some people just have no clue - and this one has no clue. I have had to deal with some people 'like' her in the past -- and it is not easy because like the Clueless- she does not see that what she is doing is bothersome to you. She thinks she is giving you her undivided attention ... and for her perhaps she is ... after a fashion.

There will come a time when you will have to say 'NO PHONE!', grab it and TURN IT OFF. You will have to tell her TO HER FACE that she is being rube and inconsiderate to you; unfortunately, it may work once but Clueless will be right back to her normal the next time.

You can always fight fire with fire - next time she comes in for a reading - start watching a movie, make yourself some tea, clean the cat box - do anything but read the cards for more than 4-5 seconds at a time ...

 

[PAMUYA]

Does not sound like she is the problem. You let it happen. No more card reading, put the cards away. If she turns off the phone face down on the table, and leaves it there you will get your cards. You enable this to continue, you can stop it. Or are you the one who has to read for her? Is this the only reason you see her? Is she paying for this? Just curious

 

[Holly doll]

I have. And I have patiently explained to her the fine points of cellphone etiquette over and over --sometimes with expletives. It does NOT work.

She's the kindest, sweetest human being imaginable, and a devoted friend, but there are things she just doesn't get. She doesn't mean to disrespect anything or anybody --in fact, I would make her cry rivers if I told her so. She's just... frustrating that way.

As endearingly scatty & loving as your friend is , her behaviour is disrespectful; both to you as a friend & as a reader, rude & somewhat manipulative (the attention is constantly brought back to her). I wonder - does she behave this way to avoid what's happening in her life? I've had clients like that - to the point where I told one I was leaving the room & she could close the front door behind her as she left.

A strong boundary needs to be put in place - perhaps a basket at the door to contain her phone - which has been switched to silent, an oven timer set so she couldn't speak until it had rung & a warning that if she continued to chat & not listen; the reading would be stopped immediately & the cards put away. She may not realise what she is doing, but you do; so any boundaries need to come from you

 

[beginagain]

ADD people can be as frustraiting as hell. I know this from experience. I also know that it's a neurological disorder. They can compensate, medicate and be distracted away from their distraction. However, at the end of the day, it's a structual difference in the brain; it isn't a choice, or something that they can be 'trained' out of like a dog, or something that they can 'grow out of' or just 'be normal and stop looking for attention'. It's like my own ASD; she and I are simply different from you. That's the way it is.

Taking her mobile off of her before a reading is a good idea. Another is taking regular breaks. Get her to agree not to talk or squirm for ten minutes at a time, then take a ten minute break, then resume the reading for another ten. Suggest that she walk as you read for her. Also, the suggestion that she holds a candle in each hand is not a bad one. Try finding something tactile and visually interesting that she can play with while you're reading, like a feather or a stone or a crystal.

The both of you sound like great friends to each other. Good luck!

 

[Alea]

Just to share, I HOPE your friend doesn't fidget too much and accidentally drop the candles! O__O (unless they're not lighted.... but i feel like it's kinda already in the air that it would be lighted?)
You two are good friends to each other, I know how it's like with someone who's really not all there in terms of attention, I had a friend like that and it was very frustrating.
Go Moo moo!

 

[nisaba]

Since not reading for her is NOT an option (I know I have made her sound bad, but she's actually a great human being and a fierce friend --and gorgeous to boot), I want to put this out there: what does one do with a meddling, muddling ADD querent?

Lay down the law. I read professionally, and I never have to tell clients about the phone - without exception as they walk into my reading-space they're turning off their phones.

A certain amount of discussion makes a reading fuller. When it gets too much, make eye contact, ask her sternly "Who is doing this reading?"

If she continues, apologise, tell her that it's impossible to read under these conditions, gather up your cards off the table. If she sais you have before, point out that previous readings would have been MUCH better with more considerate behaviour on her part.

 

[Grizabella]

She absolutely can control it. She just doesn't want to control it and you're someone who doesn't insist that she do just that.

If you're happy reading for her when it's going in one ear and out the other and she couldn't care less, then that's okay by me. But I hope you won't accept that behavior if you go pro. If you do, get the money first, not last.

 

[FLizarraga]

Wow, a lot of responses!

I do appreciate everyone's input. However, in this particular case, I'm not dealing with a disrespectful, noxious person AT ALL. I have known this girl for over ten years, and we have been close friends for the last eight or so. She's definitely one of the sweetest, most honest people you could ever meet, and a great, great friend.

It's, unfortunately, like some have pointed out, a clinical condition, aggravated by a concussion she suffered while being mugged. She manages to be highly functional, both in her personal and professional life, but there are those setbacks I have talked about. She should not be punished for them. A lot of the strategies laid out here, though, may prove highly useful in this case --not to mention when reading to strangers.