Need a little help

[Siochanai]

I feel so stuck in time. I am so strongly drawn to this Thoth deck everything about it resonates with me, however, I feel so stuck. I have been slowly working my way through DuQuette's book before I move onto the Book of Thoth. So far I have gotten some AHHA moments but over all I feel paused in time like I am moving nowhere with the deck.

To give an example of one of these moments I picked up a workbook called Tarot for Yourself. I wanted it for the learning techniques and in the beginning she said she designed the book around the RWS and Thoth decks. So I said cool and I was flipping through the book and there is lots of interesting exercises in here. So I said humm Appendix A has some Divinatory meanings with the Hebrew letter near the card. I opened up to the Star card and YELLED NO NO NO TZADDI IS NOT THE STAR. I almost grabbed a marker to fix it. The Emperor is suppose to be Tzaddi which I took to heart a bit because the Emperor is my Personality card/soul card via numerology calculations.

I guess my real issue is I am having trouble connecting the symbolism together. Some of it I get others I don't. This make it difficult for me to understand the cards and remember what they are telling me. They are indeed very busy cards. Anyone have any tips for lighting a fire under my brain?

Yes I picked up a RWS style deck to see if I should start with that instead and my Thoth deck got violent on me in my dreams. Never thought a deck could be so possessive to someone :S I think I made it angry.

 

[Eeviee]

If you find yourself stuck or overwhelmed, I would suggest taking some time away from it. Either work some more with your RWS or just take a break from Tarot in general.
Some people may suggest that you push through it, but you may find yourself aggrivated and end up giving up on it after all. Tarot should be an enjoyable experience and you shouldn't have to force yourself to like it/put in the adequate amount of work.

As for your Thoth being upset with you for working with the RWS, I wouldn't put too much stock into that. Your dreaming mind could certainly be interpreting you wanting to work more with the Thoth, and being aggrivated by your lack of progress ATM.
...if for some reason you're truely convinced that your Thoth is pissed at you, have a little talk with it and tell it how you feel. And try to work with any multiple decks equally. ;]

 

[Richard]

I learned the basic structure of the Hebrew alphabet, the Zodiac, and the Sephirotic Tree, before placing Tarot into the Qabalistic context. In esoteric matters, familiarity breeds understanding, not contempt. Take your time. Rushing things can only lead to bewilderment.

You probably know the history of the Tzaddi issue, but I'll summarize it for anyone who doesn't. In the Golden Dawn system, The Emperor is on the Heh path from Chockmah to Tiphareth, and The Star is on the Tzaddi path from Netzach to Yesod. Crowley interchanged the positions of these two cards pursuant to the epiphany that "Tzaddi is not The Star." It makes a certain mathematical sense. In the Zodiac, Aquarius and Aries are diametrically opposite Leo and Libra, respectively. Since the interchange of Justice and Strength (from their historical order) was justified (by the Golden Dawn) in order to align them with Libra and Leo, respectively, then it makes a certain sense to interchange their opposites, The Emperor and The Star, also. However, try not to worry about it.

 

[Siochanai]

I gifted the Hanson-Roberts I had to my sister as it wanted to work with her more. So all I have atm is my Thoth. I try to take breaks hence why I am still working through the DuQuette book slow and steady. I love Lady Harris' art work it is very exhilarating. I really think it is all the symbology that is frustrating me because it is so complex. On top of it; it does not help that Crowley contradicts himself in various circumstances. He reminds me of the way I think in so many ways. Looking from different perspectives constantly that is what probably drives me so much in liking the deck.

 

[Richard]

......it does not help that Crowley contradicts himself in various circumstances. He reminds me of the way I think in so many ways......

As Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote in Self-Reliance, "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."

 

[Always Wondering]

I opened up to the Star card and YELLED NO NO NO TZADDI IS NOT THE STAR. I almost grabbed a marker to fix it. The Emperor is suppose to be Tzaddi which I took to heart a bit because the Emperor is my Personality card/soul card via numerology calculations.

The marker is not such a bad idea. I had to rewrite a few things that used the RW (Golden Dawn) system to use for myself. I couldn't just make the switch automatic in my head for some reason.

Also I had to write out the Hebrew alphabet quite a bit. And before that the astrological symbols.

I also used a lot of basic Golden Dawn material to come to understand the Thoth. It's just more user friendly, in spite of the switch confusion. I didn't like spending time away from my Thoth and Crowley either, but I had no background what so ever in the occult and it proved very helpful.

Paul Foster Case's Occult Fundamentals is a bit of a workbook, once you get past the lectures in section one.

http://www.amazon.com/Occult-Fundamentals-Spiritual-Unfoldment-Vol/dp/098189772X
It has a wonderful ten step Qablistic affirmation in Section B Lesson 2 that I found very helpful.

To this day, whenever I feel stuck, I go back to the Golden Dawn basics.

AW

 

[Abrac]

I'd just keep at it with persistence and patience. You can try to accelerate the process, but if you get in too big of a hurry your mind will resist. When you feel that happening, just relax and slow down a bit. You might try committing to a set amount of time each day for studying the Thoth. Start with something you're comfortable with and gradually increase it if you like. It might take a long time before you're able to read with it, but Rome wasn't built in a day.

 

[Siochanai]

Thanks for all the help guys much appreciated. Also Thanks for the book link I will check it out. I just also picked up a Universal Waite Deck which I found to also have a connection with me while I was perusing it at the store earlier. At least this way I can get a decent foundation while I experience the mysteries of the Thoth. I find the Thoth great for self insite and as a constant goal to strive for but even Crowley said you need to earn it. I do find the deck hard to read for others but when I lay the cards for my self for spiritual guidance it can teach me so much. No reason I can't use both and when my journey gets further along just maybe the Thoth will open up more and become even more useful.

Thanks again.

 

[Richard]

BTW, it doesn't hurt to do a little memory work: the Hebrew alphabet with the maternal, double, and simple letter distinctions; the Zodiac with the corresponding ruling planets, elements, and pattern of cardinal, fixed, and mutable signs; the Tree with the number and names of the Sephirot and the Hebrew letters of the connecting paths. These things are part of the basic vocabulary of Qabalistic Tarot. Learning them well can really facilitate making sense out the literature. I found it easiest to do this by taking baby steps, one item at a time, rather than getting floored by trying to tackle everything all at once. (I had a tiny head start by having studied Hebrew for two years long ago, although I had forgotten it all.)

 

[Siochanai]

Any suggestions on a basic Qabala book to get me started in looking into the Hebrew + Tree of Life?