A Karma question

[a_shikhs]

A friend and me me were discussing karma a few days back and were confused about one thing.

ex: If you've been close to a friend and all of a sudden due to certain reasons, you fall apart and stop talking. Then after a while, you learn to deal with it and forgive the friend and let go of negative emotions. But the friend is still holding on to the negativity and is still very upset. So, in this case, would you still be in karmic debt with this friend even though you have truly moved on and the friend hasn't?

Just wondering as my friend and I were arguing about this thing and both of us were confused and didn't have an answer to this.

 

[dawntarot]

I think it depends on which definition of 'karma' you're using... there are at least two definitions, likely there are many more. The ones I'm familiar with are the idea that karma is a sort of cosmic tally of everything you've ever done, and then being 'punished' or 'rewarded' accordingly. There is also the Buddhist idea of karma, which is essentially the idea of 'cause and effect': think and act positively, and you will have a positive life. Negatively, and you will have a negative life. This is because of the Buddhist belief that our perception is a very important part of how we experience things... and we can adapt and change our perceptions.

So from the latter definition of karma, I would suggest that yes, the upset friend is perpetuating the problem because they aren't letting go of it or moving forward - which means that the friendship cannot heal.

Hope this is helpful,
Dawn

 

[Zephyros]

I like to think of it as a bigger question. In every argument, there are at least two sides, usually more, and both usually have reasons to believe they are both correct. In essence, both are "the good guys." If every side is right while by default the other is wrong, it is less a question of forgiving and moving on and more of coming to a middle ground. You may have forgiven and moved on in your own point of view, but the other side may have very real reasons to believe this is just being smug while their own grievances are left un-addressed. You can't punch someone in the face then tell them you've moved on while their face is still swollen.

Being positive and happy in the face of your friend's subjective suffering isn't good karma. Good karma could be having the humility to understand that this particular topic may be more important to them than to you and to appease them, even if you feel that you were the wronged party. It could be admitting that some relationships weren't meant to be and that any more contact would lead to more suffering and aggression. There may be a karmic price to pay, but we all step on ants someone, and good karma could also mean losing the illusion that one is perfect, but for a few faults.

Good karma also isn't necessarily about external ethics and being alright with everyone, either. Your friend may very well be in the wrong, and all you can do is move on, paying the price.

 

[Starshower]

" I like to think of it as a bigger question. In every argument, there are at least two sides, usually more, and both usually have reasons to believe they are both correct. In essence, both are "the good guys." If every side is right while by default the other is wrong, it is less a question of forgiving and moving on and more of coming to a middle ground. You may have forgiven and moved on in your own point of view, but the other side may have very real reasons to believe this is just being smug while their own grievances are left un-addressed. You can't punch someone in the face then tell them you've moved on while their face is still swollen.

Being positive and happy in the face of your friend's subjective suffering isn't good karma. "
Brilliant! This is profoundly true imo & so well & simply put! Thanks, closrapexa. I just might quote you in rl - you have helped me a lot.

I feel that karma needs to be balanced out, & that one's hurting of others - even inadvertently - needs to be healed, for the good of both / everyone. I feel I am shirking moral responsibility when I walk away from difficult, angry or tense situations for longer than just to cool down & think about things. I don't feel it's 'good karma' to leave other people's issues that concern me unaddressed & unresolved. (But guilt is my 'thing' & obviously I may be very wrong to think like this.)

ps sorry I don't know how to highlight the quoted section at the beginning. Hitting 'quote' didn't make it appear highlighted ... can anyone tell me how to do it, please?

 

[PAMUYA]

A friend and me me were discussing karma a few days back and were confused about one thing.

ex: If you've been close to a friend and all of a sudden due to certain reasons, you fall apart and stop talking. Then after a while, you learn to deal with it and forgive the friend and let go of negative emotions. But the friend is still holding on to the negativity and is still very upset. So, in this case, would you still be in karmic debt with this friend even though you have truly moved on and the friend hasn't?

Just wondering as my friend and I were arguing about this thing and both of us were confused and didn't have an answer to this.

Planting seeds of bad Karma takes place if there is malace in your heart. You must look within and ask yourself were you honest and not meaning ill will. Forgiveness is for self, negative emotions are yours, created by you in your own mind. This Karma that you created may not come back at you for some time. A debt must be paid, through good deeds, or suffering(the same will happen to you). Your friend will have to pay her own debt, you have yours.

 

[SunChariot]

A friend and me me were discussing karma a few days back and were confused about one thing.

ex: If you've been close to a friend and all of a sudden due to certain reasons, you fall apart and stop talking. Then after a while, you learn to deal with it and forgive the friend and let go of negative emotions. But the friend is still holding on to the negativity and is still very upset. So, in this case, would you still be in karmic debt with this friend even though you have truly moved on and the friend hasn't?

Just wondering as my friend and I were arguing about this thing and both of us were confused and didn't have an answer to this.

I think what the reasons were will change the answer. More serious reasons are going to have a bigger impact than if it was just a simple misunderstanding.

But I would say yes. If you hurt someone so badly that they cannot let it go, there is a karmic debt there. Not so much that someone bad will come your way, but I would say at some point you have to undo the damage, if not in this lifetime, then in a future one. Your life will put you in that situation. That is my belief on that.



Babs