Met his folks, where are we at now?

[beekie]

Last night I had dinner with my boyfriends parents for the first time and it went really well!

This morning I wanted to pull some cards to see where we are CURRENTLY at (no future outlook) feeling wise, now that I've met the parents.

My card was 9 of Wands
His card was 6 of Wands
Our "us" card as a couple was The Devil

For me, the 9 shows that I'm still guarded in terms of our relationship. While I enjoyed meeting his family, we do have some issues but I feel that especially now, these could be things that we can overcome.

The 6 of Wands for him feels very triumphant! He felt the dinner was a success and he feels confident in continuing moving towards the future with me.

Our card with the Devil has me worried. I guess in a good light, the card points to this crazy bond we can't let go of. But in the negative light, it can say that we are holding on to something that we know just won't work out. Or perhaps this relationship is something we both "torture" ourselves with, in terms of anxiety or stress "am I good enough... do we have a future... am I in love... etc"

Any other thoughts on The Devil as a "together" card?

 

[Saskia]

My card was 9 of Wands
His card was 6 of Wands
Our "us" card as a couple was The Devil

Hi Beekie, I agree with your interpretations.

I'd like to point out that you seem to expect that after meeting the parents, everything's sorted and clear and you seem surprised to get the Devil. The Devil is the card of jealousy, torturing thoughts, ego, fears, feeling tied down or suppressed by something (such as by one's negative thoughts).

You said you have issues in the r'ship. Are the issues in the domain of the Devil, i.e about fears, ego, selfishness, jealousy, vengeance etc.? If yes, that explains it. Meeting the parents does indicate seriousness, but it's not a magic potion washing away all underlying issues.

Your 9W indicates you're in a defensive mode, not ready to give up on you two. Your partner's 6W tells he felt victorious somehow - maybe he thought he was admired by the parents due the relationship or overcoming any problems (at least superficially).

Maybe ask what you could do to work on the problems and improve the relationship, if that's what you want?

 

[Maru]

9 of Wands (Defensiveness)
6 of Wands (Triumph)
Devil (Exploitation)

This first part is intuitive...

The heavy hitter is the Devil and the feeling I get is that neither of you (signified in the 9W) can figure out who is really the winner here (6W + Devil).

In other words, who is really benefiting the most from this relationship. The case of, he is too good for you or you are too good for him.

That may need to be resolved I think before any real new energy can enter the relationship if this is what is signified in the Devil... I see that sense of "stuck" in the Devil. You're bound to each other, but not exactly sure why or how. Maybe there are self-delusions (that Moon in your last reading) at play here in terms of the roles you both expect to play not only in life that are clouding this connection... this relationship doesn't exactly fit those "typical" paradigms for either of you, so I guess that may lead to some emotional confusion at least on one side. I don't think it is one-sided though.

The other question that came to mind was "What's the catch?"...

On the other hand, I often see Devil as an exploration phase for some relationships. It is not necessarily a "bad" card to get in a certain context. For example, it sometimes suggest the energy is there to explore or take the relationship a bit further, perhaps not in "traditional" territory. Perhaps one of you is treating the relationship too much like a cookie cutter relationship, i.e. too neat and prim, not really relaxed by today's standards when really that is what is needed to breath in life... Perhaps, one of you is not being honest about some of these confusing feelings, so could be why the Devil card is manifesting in the last card... maybe someone feels like they're taking advantage of the other by simply playing their cards as would be expected. If the intuitive connection is there, then it's possible this person may also feel that they would almost be getting away with murder to start changing things now... it'd feel like manipulation because it'd feel like you were getting what you wanted when you maybe don't feel it is deserved? (or mutual)... Nobody wants to take anything for granted and perhaps there is too much honesty here in the relationship that creates a sense of restriction.

I don't think the reading is advising anything specifically overall though, but that certain energies are being broken into and the parental connection may have enlightened you as to where some of your more instantaneous reactions (I usually see that in Devil) to some of his behavior may be coming from...

Sometimes we don't know our flaws and it only takes a certain conversation or a different perspective on a connection with someone to figure out where that all comes to play...

I sometimes see 6W as a roleplayer. He is the victor, by societal standards... but underneath it all, he may question whether the victory was rightfully his or not. (Or if it was just a default ruling in this case)

Edit: Sorry missed that you actually defined the placements as you and him explicitly... so used to YR being mainly position-less 3carders XD... the read is still similar though, I think the energy is being transferred in a very "unequal" manner in the Devil. It could be double-sided... it may be that your caution totally contradicts his sense of there being a win. The Devil is the opposite of liberation. I think possibly in this case, these feelings may be incestuous... in that they don't produce new thoughts, you remain chained to the old without release... it could be too that you both swap roles on occasion to try alleviate the stress of the other (perhaps adjust to)... and that again was something that was purely intuitive.

 

[beekie]

I'd like to point out that you seem to expect that after meeting the parents, everything's sorted and clear and you seem surprised to get the Devil. The Devil is the card of jealousy, torturing thoughts, ego, fears, feeling tied down or suppressed by something (such as by one's negative thoughts).

You are right with that! I guess I was sort of hoping some sort of clarity, or "door opening" post-parents so I was a little surprised to see The Devil. The issues are along the lines of fears for sure, we both come from shaky past experiences. But we are also trying to figure out how to communicate our needs. So this very well could still be stating that we have a ways to go before we get over our insecurities.

Your 9W indicates you're in a defensive mode, not ready to give up on you two. Your partner's 6W tells he felt victorious somehow - maybe he thought he was admired by the parents due the relationship or overcoming any problems (at least superficially).

I actually kind of had this feeling that he felt pleased with himself, thinking that meeting the parents is something that i would like. Kind of along the same lines as "telling me what you want to hear". So maybe he thinks he won brownie points maybe. But I do agree there might be something superficial here!

 

[beekie]

In other words, who is really benefiting the most from this relationship. The case of, he is too good for you or you are too good for him.

You're amazing. I love all the little ways you took apart this card! NEVER thought of it like this and this is very interesting. Of course I feel I am too good for him ha! But I'm sure he may feel the same. Sometimes I feel the relationship is "tit-for-tat". We both sometimes point things out like "well I did this for you and you didn't appreciate it".

That may need to be resolved I think before any real new energy can enter the relationship if this is what is signified in the Devil... I see that sense of "stuck" in the Devil. You're bound to each other, but not exactly sure why or how. Maybe there are self-delusions (that Moon in your last reading) at play here in terms of the roles you both expect to play not only in life that are clouding this connection... this relationship doesn't exactly fit those "typical" paradigms for either of you, so I guess that may lead to some emotional confusion at least on one side. I don't think it is one-sided though.

There is a sort of pull we have, you are correct. We were fixed up by a mutual friend and the weird thing is, is that we have NEVER had that crazy intense "I miss you, I need you all the time" spark. We have been very even-keel and calm and slow moving this whole time. We both recognize that crazy sparks can burn out fast, while what we have going may be much more sustainable. And you are right, this does not fit "typical" for us as it is kind of weird without that crazy spark. There is a TON of emotional confusion on both our sides. He even admitted to being weird with the "L" (love) word. He wants to be sure. I have never dated anyone like that.

The other question that came to mind was "What's the catch?"...

On the other hand, I often see Devil as an exploration phase for some relationships. It is not necessarily a "bad" card to get in a certain context. For example, it sometimes suggest the energy is there to explore or take the relationship a bit further, perhaps not in "traditional" territory. Perhaps one of you is treating the relationship too much like a cookie cutter relationship, i.e. too neat and prim, not really relaxed by today's standards when really that is what is needed to breath in life... Perhaps, one of you is not being honest about some of these confusing feelings, so could be why the Devil card is manifesting in the last card... maybe someone feels like they're taking advantage of the other by simply playing their cards as would be expected.

THIS! And this is me trying to treat it very cookie cutter. Because it is slow moving, I question why we aren't hitting different stages like everyone else seems to. And I find myself googling, asking if certain behaviors are normal. Not sure on the taking advantage feelings. For me its more about feeling appreciated.

Edit: Sorry missed that you actually defined the placements as you and him explicitly... so used to YR being mainly position-less 3carders XD... the read is still similar though, I think the energy is being transferred in a very "unequal" manner in the Devil. It could be double-sided... it may be that your caution totally contradicts his sense of there being a win. The Devil is the opposite of liberation. I think possibly in this case, these feelings may be incestuous... in that they don't produce new thoughts, you remain chained to the old without release... it could be too that you both swap roles on occasion to try alleviate the stress of the other (perhaps adjust to)... and that again was something that was purely intuitive.

You also pointed out something very specific. My caution contradicting his sense of being a win. I'm always questioning the relationship and if we are happy or freaking out that things aren't "normal" in comparison to past relationships. And what you said is right, he doesn't feel that. He doesn't (or tries not to) compare this to past relationships. To him, we are good! There have been past readings when I do a little 3 card check in like this and multiple times my cards show more gloom, and his show more happy and content. But... I know that we BOTH are still holding back, and perhaps the Devil is speaking to that as well.

Thank you so much, so many good things to consider here!

 

[Saskia]

I actually kind of had this feeling that he felt pleased with himself, thinking that meeting the parents is something that i would like. Kind of along the same lines as "telling me what you want to hear". So maybe he thinks he won brownie points maybe. But I do agree there might be something superficial here!

Talking about the Devil, 9W and 6W and your comment here, it made me think that it might help to do an overall 'how to move on to better direction together' spread for your relationship.

In relationships, we often do things for the other/to please the other, it's part of love and affection. It's not necessarily scoring brownie points, UNLESS you are in a state where one/both of you keeps tabs on good deeds and uses it for advantage: "I did thing x for you back then, you should do this," OR "I've always done more for you than you for me." And that's the Devil mindset right there, being tied to selfish motives, fear and/or jealousy/vindictiveness.

Your 9W can also mean you're not letting your guard down, you don't want to be betrayed and hurt. But, being constantly on your toes just makes it impossible for your partner to impress/please you in a healthy way, because you believe it's just "scoring brownie points", not genuine affection and honesty. All the best

 

[beekie]

Talking about the Devil, 9W and 6W and your comment here, it made me think that it might help to do an overall 'how to move on to better direction together' spread for your relationship.

In relationships, we often do things for the other/to please the other, it's part of love and affection. It's not necessarily scoring brownie points, UNLESS you are in a state where one/both of you keeps tabs on good deeds and uses it for advantage: "I did thing x for you back then, you should do this," OR "I've always done more for you than you for me." And that's the Devil mindset right there, being tied to selfish motives, fear and/or jealousy/vindictiveness.

Your 9W can also mean you're not letting your guard down, you don't want to be betrayed and hurt. But, being constantly on your toes just makes it impossible for your partner to impress/please you in a healthy way, because you believe it's just "scoring brownie points", not genuine affection and honesty. All the best

This was all so so true. And I had been thinking about that. If my being on guard is causing me to overlook his genuine acts of kindness and to see them as more of an obligation. And maybe he picks up on that so that may cause him to hold back. I think the Devil does in fact speak to us being controlled by our fears because we are afraid of getting hurt.

Can someone still feel happy within a relationship even if they still have fears?

 

[headincloud]

Excuse me if I'm repeating haven't read all comments but he may feel he has a victory over you defensiveness to date and he's progressing towards where he wants to be.

Devil representing a relationship at the most mundane level signifies bonds similar to those suggested by the hierophant, marriage and the financial arrangements a couple make are highlighted, prenups, joint loans etc but it can represent a number of different relationship phases.

Another side of the devil is shared passion bordering on the obsessive and if this is where you are then once the initial intensity burns out you may find a workable relationship depending on what you share in common but things are looking good at this stage.

 

[Saskia]

I think the Devil does in fact speak to us being controlled by our fears because we are afraid of getting hurt.

Can someone still feel happy within a relationship even if they still have fears?

Hi Beekie, just to comment on these thoughts.

A wise person once said: "if I fear war every day and war never comes, I've lived war for my whole life for nothing." I understand the need to be cautious to not get burnt, but in reality, you either stay together or won't and the amount of fearing won't change the outcome (other than maybe push each other further away). Your fears are not making the relationship fool-proof or keeping you from getting hurt (applies to both of you). If you can't trust your partner after a year together, I suggest it's time to work on your issues seriously, or call it quits.

Re: normal. Who or what is normal? Normal means average or conventional. Everybody is different and everyone has slightly different interpretation of normal. If your normal doesn't meet with your partner's normal, again, work through it (find compromises and try to understand each other) or call it quits.

I'm sorry if this comes across blunt, I'm trying to be succinct. I hope it gives food for thought and you'll find a way forward!