Trying to come up with / find a spread for understanding why something happened

My dear Tarot enthusiasts,

I am struggling to understand something that happened to me a couple of days ago... Without going in to too much detail (because I'm feeling very confused and embarrassed as well as a lot of other things about it) basically someone I trusted and thought I knew well behaved in a way that was completely out of character and did something very hurtful to me.

I wanted to find or create a spread to understand why he did what he did although I am also not sure how ethical it is to ask what I would like to ask. I came up with an idea for a spread but it seems to be missing something.

Please could you tell me your opinions on the spread, if you have any suggestions to improve it or could reccomend one already in existence and also if you think it is ethical?

I called it "What's going on?"

Layout is just a straight line at the moment but I'm open to ideas

1. Represents the person (how are they, their energy at present, their mindstate or personality at the moment)
2. Their situation (what is going on in their life, external/internal influences at present)
3. The incident/event (what actually happened from their point of view)
4. Why it happened (influences on them, energies, any reason for them to act in such a way)
5. Advice (either what I can do to help the person or how to discuss this with them so that it never happens again and we can continue with our relationship)

Thank you in advance

Sha x

Tricky

This is a tad tricky, because I've just found from experience that trying to step into someone else's shoes through tarot can be very misleading at times. I've been taught that results matter more than motives, because what do you have left after the situation happens? You have results. The motives, whether they be good, bad, or in the grey area, are forgotten over time.

My advice for the spread? I'd change the fifth card from advice on how to help said person to how it can help you cope with what happened. Actually, I'd change this whole spread to looking inward, but that's just me. No matter how you try, you can't control other people or know what's going on exactly in their heads, because you aren't in their shoes. You can, however, look within, and more often than not you'll find the answers you're looking for.

And of course, this is just a personal aesthetic choice, but I'd put card one in the middle and the other four surrounding it.

If you're really wondering about this friend's actions, I don't know if it's feasable or not, but you could simply ask. Of course, I don't know the situation in detail, and I know it's hard to talk to someone when you've been hurt, but you could simply wait until the feelings have cooled and you're ready to communicate again.

Of course that's just my personal opinion. Take it for what it's worth

Thanks for your reply... I didn't do the spread in the end but did muster up the courage to speak to the person after I calmed down, so all is well now

I agree that it is better generally to look within for answers and that exploring other peoples feelings tends not to work very well... For one thing we may assume that the cards mean one thing when they actually mean something else based on the limited information we know about a person because let's face it, everyone has some secrets!

I like the layout suggestion as well, thanks

Hello Empress

I'm glad to know the situation has been resolved.

I agree with Pandora, this spread could be made a little more about you than the other person. Personally, I'd completely cut out the first two positions and transform it into something like the following:

1. The situation - what exactly happened

2. What exactly was the problem with the situation for me - why did I react so strongly (e.g. my pride was hurt, I thought it was betrayal, etc.)

3. Why did the person act like that, what did they mean by acting like that (e.g. they wanted to clear the air, their opinion is different from mine, etc.)

4. Lesson - what could I learn from the situation

5. Advice - what could I do to move on from the situation (talk to the person, forgive and forget, etc.)

Something like that.

Ooh dancing_moon that looks great, thanks! I will definitely try it in the future any time I feel confused by a person (which is often lol) I especially like the 2nd and 3rd questions, they really get to the heart of the matter, it usually takes me a lot longer to get there so this will help a lot

Blessings
Sha x