BAD FEELS

[Pollux]

It just seems that the most common mood is depression these days. WHEN THE HELL IS SATURN LETTING GO OF ME!
I don't know what I'm writing, forgive me. I'm so down just because... it's as if I'm kissing esoteric and spiritual goodbye.

I feel strained and jaded... I feel void. And I have no clear idea why, so PLEASE do tell me yours (quite AMBITIOUS!).

As many inside here (didn't know that, and was a nice sursprise!) I'm fairly young and unexperienced, while certain family "patterns" and situations had me "sleep" for a long long long time... These days I've definitively dropped Catholicism...
And it doesn't come over as painful and hard as it is for me.

I'm afraid I'm losing it all, I'm losing hold of what I once felt and wanted. It's so weird and embarassing to explain.
I feel... isolated, standing no chance to enter in contact with the planet, with Natura, with the Mother...

In addition, I'm suffering a weird astrological combination, so want your opinion:
in my Birth Chart, Saturn/Pluto conjunction is in junction with the 12th house cusp (my rising is Scorpio), while my Sun/Mars conj is with my 8th (containing NorthNode and being in Gemini/Cancer).
My fear is the expression of a loss - happening in THIS life - of powers and knowledges that belonged to me but in the PAST, in past lives, and that will be discarded because I don't manage to take care of them.

These years Pluto/Saturn opposition was a backstab in general, and especially because many of the project and desires I had regarding esoteric matter have gone in smoke...
In addition, the only place I can see the word GODDESS (may I be forgiven for the abuse) is the InterNet! And SOME (few) books.

Help me fix that, please.

 

[AquarianGoddess]

Pollux,

I'm so sorry to hear about your plight. Please write me at my email with your birth data and I'll take a look at your chart.
sassesadee@hotmail.com

AG

 

[Kiama]

I can identify. Very much so. Becuase we're so young, it is ofetn dificult to leave wat our parents brought us up to believe. For me, it was like I was betraying them, or demeaning their widom. It is also extremely difficult to become involved in the Goddess religons (Not sure which one you're going for, but pesonally, I went for Celtic Pagan) cuz most groups and people around your area will not let you get involve til you over 18. Added to that, there aren't many people our age who you can meet in real life who are going through the same thing. It took e three years to find someone going through it (And discovering him is a very funny stor but is tto long to tell here!) and I found that I made some really great Pagan friends over the Net.

I think what you're going through is another stage in the transaction process. went through a serious time of doubt about 6 months ago, where I was looking back at Christiainity and wondering why I had left it. The reason this hapened was cuz when I was Christian I had teh oportunity to celebrate my religion with others, regularly, and it just seemed easier. Paganism however wasn't so easy, and I hankered after what I had given up. However, I quickly saw the light after realising the source of my doubt.

I guess my main point with this post is to say to you, Please don't give up yet. Give it time. If you want it as badly as you say, then its right for you: Keep at it for a while. I know it'll be okay. Plus,you can look back on all this in about a year's time and laugh!

Kiama

 

[Moonklad]

I dont know alot about astrology so I can be of no help to you there, however I so have a suggestion. Try finding a nice secluded place outside where you can be alone with nature. The woods, a park etc. If this is impossible, just find a quiet room and simply meditate, ground and do some deep breathing exercises. Imagine your body being filled with a white cleansing light with each inhale and black negative feelings dispersing with each exhale. Picture your body growing roots down into the soil of the earth. Imagine that you are a strong, tall tree firmly planted in the soil.
This exercise helps me when I feel jittery, and unsure of what to do. It wont solve your problems but without a sense of grounding it is hard to come to any solutions.
May you find peace and harmony,
blessings,
Moonklad

 

[New River]

hi Pollux! the road to finding yourself can be lonely sometimes and even depressing. i hope you'll hang in there.

some of it does have to do with the energy of the present time. some to do with past lives and power we have known.

but we are here to live this life. i find that the low spots are there in order to lead us to the new places we are seeking. if we were always happy and satisfied who among us would have the inclination to seek anything higher?

sorrow is the bridge to joy; tears the bridge to happiness.......

and the goddess is found within your heart. ask her for the help you are seeking and i'm sure that new answers will be coming to you. i hope you will let us know what turns you take.

love, light and hope, New River

 

[cayacia]

Oh, I empathsize BIG TIME. I am going through the same thing right now and it is the most painful experience I've ever been through. It's really hard, I know. I am beginning to realize that there is no way I am going to be able to remain entirely Christian.

The isolation, and the fears, I get them too. I can't really tell you what you can do about them, but I can deffinately tell you you aren't the only one. Some days the whole thing is so overwhelming I feel physically sick (I do today, and it sucks).

Just keep on moving forward, no matter how bleak it seems. I'm here to share, and so is everyone else.

See you space cowboy...

 

[Scorpion]

Hi, Pollux!

Hope you're feeling better for the advice and comfort offered here.

Fraid I'm not up on astrology, so can't offer anything on that. However, while I'm a firm believer in reincarnation, I agree with New River. I believe there's a reason for having just the one life at a time: that's enough to cope with at any given moment. No-one can ask more of you than that - not even yourself. My suggestion is that you focus on your present life for now and wait until you're feeling stronger before you tackle any issues you feel have been thrown up by past lives. Indeed, the grounding mentioned by Mooklad sounds wonderful and I'm quite keen to try it myself!

Do put up another post to let us know how you're getting on.

 

[Pollux]

Oh... really thanks, anyone.
I don't feel like putting a smily to this post, coz I believe the most suited would be : ??? .

I have to make my apologies for not posting earlier a reply myself, but the fact is that the "notify-feedback" doesn't seem to work anymore, wherever I post my stuff :'( .

Kiama and cayacia, thanks for your encouragement. Feeling alone is a further strain that affects me just BADLY, and the Physical pain is real for me too. Today, for example, I brought up (excuse the triviality) a sweet I was offered from my auntie Assunta - in the right place, luckily.
Kiama, your signature also helped my blues up a bit. I'm still laughing. THANX.

New River and LouiQ - your point is sharp and equal as Justice; I'll try to go with the flow till I'm stronger.

Moonklad, your advice seems so... good :I promise I'll put it into practice, but this will only be in some week. Now I'm so busy with exams and study! UAAAAAAAH!!!! But I'll hold the breath for a bit... The fact is that, if I must do something, I want to do it seriously. The same problem I have with Tarots (here the Patology starts...) as I don't feel like touching them anymore, I fear affecting them negatively. Do you also know a practice to fix this, or at least, to avoid the "staining"?
I'm not sure cold water is enough for my blues... therefore I'd sooner avoid touching the cards.

Discarding loneliness is a real pleasure for a Gemini.

THANX ALL.

 

[jade]

i know that this goes against what others have suggested but.....i suggest that you get a past life regression. do it yourself if you know how, but it's better to have someone there to support you thru it.

when you perform a past life regression you have the opportunity to learn what is 'mirroring' for you right now in your present life with something that may have happened in your past life. the wonderful thing about this is.....just simply remembering the past life and what happened is usually enough to get the energy to heal and move forward! occasionally i have performed a soul retrieval a few weeks after a regression with a client if they were too shattered (in the past life) to get over the event,....but this is seldom.

so, contrary to others suggestions....i feel that a past life regression with someone qualified (yourself or someone else) will greatly assist you in getting thru this time.

in light,
jade

 

[Pollux]

Quote:jade (14 Jan, 2002 06:47):

so, contrary to others suggestions....i feel that a past life regression with someone qualified (yourself or someone else) will greatly assist you in getting thru this time.

in light,
jade


Sorry, lightful jade, but I've no qualification to do that. I really don't know what it simply is.
I can imagine something - meditation, sense-boundaries overcome... - but don't know where to begin.
And, in addition, i feel so ignorant inside this beautiful purple site!

That might help, but I don't know what it is!

Forgive me for my ignorance... :'(
But will you explain me at least what it is ?
(I've no intention of doing something I cannot master - especially of this sort - be sure ) :'(