Bit of a rant, close-mindedness - sigh.

[astronautica]

Bit of a rant – just wanted to share something that happened to me today to get it off my chest!

I work at a small coffee shop, and when it’s quiet I can sit down at a table and read a book, or spend some time with my cards. Today I was reading for one of the girls that I work with. We got busy, and I left my cards on the table while we worked. My friend’s mother, who also reads tarot, came in and immediately picked up my deck and began to shuffle. I’m not too precious about people touching my cards and I wouldn’t have minded so much had she not then proceeded to tell me that I could only use decks that were given to me by someone else, criticise the lack of reversals in my deck and tell me that the only way to shuffle them was to splay them all out on the table and mix them together. I tried to be reasonable and said that from everything I’ve been reading about Tarot, there’s no one single way to approach it, and the approach you take depends on your own personal beliefs and superstitions; but she wouldn’t hear a word of it, insisting that hers was the only way and I was wrong.

She laid out a spread and said that she “could almost see what the cards meant just by looking at them”, admitting that she hadn’t read for a year or so. It was my Druidcraft, and when I said that the images were strongly Rider-Waite based she just looked at me with a blank expression. I offered some suggestions for what the cards could mean, but she just ignored me and looked them up in the LWB. I’m by no means trying to claim that I’m an experienced reader and have all the answers myself, and this may sound equally as arrogant of me but it seemed to me that she had a fairly naïve understanding of the tarot, and as overtly self-assured and confident as she seemed, had things still to learn that I could have shared with her – and I would have liked to see what she had to share if she’d been less close minded.

I was so disappointed and even a little bit offended by her attitude – she imposed herself upon my cards without asking (a woman who didn’t even know my name!), and then proceeded to discount my knowledge and opinions with the understanding that hers were superior. The Tarot community in my city seems virtually non-existent, and as she is the only other person I’ve met who reads tarot I would have liked to have had an insightful discussion with her about it. I guess I’m so used to the community on AT being so supportive and open-minded, I’d hoped to meet other tarot readers as open to discussion and the ideas of others.

 

[Zephyros]

I've met a few people like that, and I honestly prefer the kind that tells me Tarot is the work of Satan, at least I know what to expect from those kinds. But those people are like that in all walks of life, not just Tarot. I don't mean you have to study and learn what we here at Aeclectic consider norms, but she sounds pushy and unpleasant, and very impolite.

 

[astronautica]

At least people who claim tarot is the work of satan aren't claiming to have any deep understanding or respect for it!

She was a very intense woman, stubborn and as a customer in the cafe she was pedantic and watched me closely as I made her coffee. I felt very judged. Maybe it was because I'm so much younger than her - she felt I couldn't possibly have anything to offer that she didn't already know. But I find an unwillingness to learn almost defeats the purpose of tarot: it's only made richer and more beautiful by new ideas and experiences.

 

[sapienza]

I sometimes think we encounter people like this along the way to remind us of what we never want to become. Not that I'm suggesting you would become like that, but when someone crosses our path like this woman and it really rubs us the wrong way, it's just reaffirming for us what it is we value and what we stand for. I feel a bit sorry for people like her because they never tend to listen and so as a result they never really understand, not others, and not themselves.

 

[Zephyros]

I just hate it when people think ignorance is a strength. Believe whatever you want, think whatever, but never tell me you don't know anything and also that I'm wrong, like that woman, and others like her I've seem to do.

 

[astronautica]

That's an interesting point of view sapienza - it reminds me of something my partner was telling me that he learnt when he was studying Buddhism: that we should view trying situations like that as a gift, because from it we can learn patience. And it is sad when people close themselves off like that, because it really limits the depth to which they can experience life - whether it's tarot or anything else. And I always feel that that much self-righteousness, and arrogance must eat away at them inside - she seemed like such a hard woman to please, and it makes me wonder what gives her joy in life.

 

[Minotauro]

I so understand you DX
I wish I didnt

I know only 2 others who I know read tarot

one of them is a TDM purist U_u jodorowski got her! DX she is always telling me I shouldnt use this or that deck and whenever I have read for people she knows oir nears her I have to folow all this rituals about shuffling meditation , not crossing the legs or arms etc DX that is annoying , but I manage , she at least is telling it to me as her opinion , is not too pushy about it , and understand we have diferent aproaches to tarot.



but the other one...
well he's a case , he is supposedly a gipsy ( he wasnt born or knows any gipsy , but some girl who suposedly is a gipsy psychic told him he probably had gipsy blood or soemthinsg , they're both 16 of course) and so he thinks you have to be a gipsy psychic to learn or use tarot , that it has to be a gift , and so on , he thinks I am probably magical too because I've read for him and he aproved my reading haha , and he's soooooo closed minded about magic , he knows crap about it , he thinks it is lkike harry potter , her mom does witchcraft but doenst want him to, and so he thinks he's magical but her evi mother binded him , but he doesnt study or reads about it at all , no books no nothing , he just asks me about it , wants me to teach him , but he wants me to teach me only what he THINKS is right D: hjaha its horribleeee!! DX god he is also a slut and tried to seduce me when I told him I wanst goinna teach him ._. hahaha

 

[vee]

oh boy minotauro. Just, oh boy.

astronautica, that's really annoying! People like that, who are always in 'teacher/lecturer/authority" mode irritate me. Seems like they have some serious control issues. I agree that it's a good opportunity to practice patience, that's an excellent way to approach situations like that.

 

[Le Fanu]

I sometimes think we encounter people like this along the way to remind us of what we never want to become. Not that I'm suggesting you would become like that, but when someone crosses our path like this woman and it really rubs us the wrong way, it's just reaffirming for us what it is we value and what we stand for. I feel a bit sorry for people like her because they never tend to listen and so as a result they never really understand, not others, and not themselves.

Totally agree with this. It's so true. And also, it is a gentle reminder of just how deep our love for tarot goes. See how it stirs us up! These aren't just cards, they go very deeply within us and make us very protective of what they bring to our lives, they are very tied up with our sensitivity and our sense of self. So much so that an encounter like this make us feel invaded and sullied.

I would feel exactly the same.

 

[SunChariot]

I sometimes think we encounter people like this along the way to remind us of what we never want to become. Not that I'm suggesting you would become like that, but when someone crosses our path like this woman and it really rubs us the wrong way, it's just reaffirming for us what it is we value and what we stand for. I feel a bit sorry for people like her because they never tend to listen and so as a result they never really understand, not others, and not themselves.

That is a beautiful answer. I think life sends us these life lessons that feel upsetting to forge inside us the desire to never be like that other person. It helps define for us more clearly what we never want to be and how not to treat others.

I do not believe she (the friend's mother) is a good reader, from all you have said. Her pride seems to be greater than her skill. Or maybe she is feeling insecure about her skills and your talking like you knew more than she did made her feel go into denial of your skills You are a better reader and it shows. Your skills are clearly greater than hers.

Thankfully you knew enough about Tarot to know that at the time. People who talk in absolutes like she did and sound so sure of themselves can cause some real harm to newbie readers. The only other reader I knew when I started out insisted that you can only read with one deck for life. She was so sure about it that I gave away my second deck and it took me forever to get another. It stilted things for me a bit.

These people can harm people's progress at times if the person does not know any better.

And yes it was quite rude, to pick up YOUR deck and then proceed to insult your skills with your own deck that you were kind enough to let her use. It really was rude. (sigh) And all of what she was insisting on seems wrong. And if she had to look in the LWB, she does not know all that much about Tarot. And if she is not willing to accept any meaning that is not in there (and LWBs by their size are very abridged meaningwise) or any new method,she will never improve.

Sad for her, and sad that she may negatively influence others. You knew enough to know that what she was saying was not true. Others who are newer to it may not.

Babs