Saying No To Readings

[Henry_]

Hi there.

I'm still learning tarot so please keep this in mind. I really could use an opinion on this subject.

I just did a tarot reading for someone and my intuition kept telling not to do a reading for this person.

Stupid me, I of course did not listen and did the reading anyway.

I feel like sometimes we should say NO to doing a reading. Let me explain.

The question was about an ex coming back into someone's lives. She wanted to know EXACTLY when this will happen. I tried to explain that tarot cannot predict exact times and dates and to perhaps rephrase her question so that the cards will give constructive insight to her question.

I did the reading and at the end she told me that a psychic told her that he would come back in a month. It sounded like to me she wanted to keep asking her question to as many people as she could until it gives her the exact answer she WANTS to hear.

I should have just told her that I feel I was not the correct person to help her with her situation; something I said at the end of the reading to get rid of her and her negative energy.

Has anyone had similar issues where they have felt this and/or turned down a reading? Even though I did the reading for free to gain experience for myself, even if this was a paying client, I would have turned her down as no one wants someone bad mouthing your services and your skills as a reader if they are not willing to be open to what the cards suggest for advice.

Thoughts?

 

[Owl Song]

Hi Henry! Welcome to AT.

Oh, yes, I have been there. You will encounter people who ask the same question over and over again until they exhaust enough readers into telling them what it is that they want to hear. I think that listening to your intuition is almost always a good idea. If someone asks for a reading and you don't feel right about it, it is okay to say no. I think saying no is hard for many Tarot readers because most of us sincerely want to help. But it is definitely okay to say no when your inner High Priestess is screaming at you not to read for a particular person.

I've also learned, over the years, that I can't control certain things -- like my querents' expectations about Tarot, the questions they ask, or what kind of value they attach to having a reading -- or what they hope to gain from a reading. I can guide them. I can offer advice. I can lead by example. But I can't change attitudes or ideas. They can -- if they so choose. I can encourage. I can show other ways of looking at things or doing things. But the choices, ultimately, remain firmly theirs.

Some people will never see Tarot as anything more than a Magic 8 Ball in 78 little cards. They'll call you a bad reader if you don't sport a glittering purple turban and tell them all about their great aunt Martha's special message for them from beyond the grave while chanting backwards from the Necronomicon.

All you can do is tell them what you see in the cards, smile, and leave them to their journey. It sounds like you handled the situation gracefully.

 

[DownUnderNZer]

I only give what I get....nothing more...nothing less.

And I only read for a certain group of friends and family members, so dont have the problem.

You handled it really well...chalk it up to experience.

 

[lotus2blossom]

I think Starlily summed it up pretty well. Every tarot reader has dealt with this at some point or another. Making boundaries with people is crucial. Trust your intutive vibes and keep in mind that you DO have the right to deny a reading at any time. That's a hard concept for many of us to grasp, but it's something to constantly be telling yourself.

 

[ThunderWolf]

I think you handled it wonderfully too. I've found that there are basically two types of sitters I would describe as being difficult to read for.

The first one rarely happens, but when it does I just honestly apologize and tell the sitter that for some reason I don't seem to be getting anything and that the cards are not making any sense to me. I follow that by telling them I don't seem to be the right reader for them and promptly bring the reading to an end.

The other type of difficult reading is generally because of some personal motivation on the part of the sitter (whatever it may be). They don't want to listen to what you're telling them.

I remember one client I had who said a couple times, "I don't see that." Of course, my thought was "Why are you coming to me if you already know all the answers." LOL What I said, though, was along the lines of, "I'm sorry this isn't making sense for you, but I can only tell you what the cards are showing me." It was obvious to me that she simply wasn't hearing what she wanted to so felt a need to challenge me. But by lying the blame at the "feet" of the cards themselves she was left without any kind of argument against my reading. I'm sure she didn't like that, but I found killing her with kindness and blaming the cards rendered her unable to argue and on her merry way.

 

[Kelly-Ann]

They'll call you a bad reader if you don't sport a glittering purple turban and tell them all about their great aunt Martha's special message for them from beyond the grave while chanting backwards from the Necronomicon.

Haha, this made me laugh! (By the way Starlily, your blog is amazing. I love doing Tarot for fictional characters - might have known someone would have made a blog idea out of it. )

---

Hi Henry, it's nice to see you around here I agree with DownUnderNZer, chalk it up to experience. It's great that you've come across this kind of situation so early in your development as a reader so that you can use it to work out your core principles and what to do if they are breached.

I am very clear about the kind of readings I offer, so I don't often have the need to give a refund and explain that I'm not the right person to ask. I did have to do that recently, however. I had a client asking me if she would win big at the casino in order to sort out her money issues. She also wanted to know if she'd ever own her own business. She seemed to greatly favour the hardcore prediction style and I am all about offering empowerment through my spiritual counselling techniques, so I didn't feel that she'd get the kind of reading she wanted from me. I politely referred her to a more suitable reader, and because that reader's shop was going to be closed for a month or so, I did draw three key guidance cards for her to lend support while she waited but I gave her a full refund.

Some readers suggest first asking the client to reframe the question by just having a frank discussion about what you do provide and helping them come up with a more expansive, useful question. Whilst I hear that readers have a lot of luck with this approach, I often feel like I'd just be asking the client to compromise on their ideal reading and there are plenty of people online offering the 'yes-no-question-I'll-tell-you-the-future' kind of services, so I prefer to direct them there. I like to feel that when clients come to me they are already receptive to what will come up in the reading and they appreciate the kind of service I provide. If I don't feel that, I will refund, for them as much as for me.

 

[Henry_]

Thank you all for your comments, it really helps!

Glad I'm not the only one who has had this issue.

Like I wrote on my facebook update yesterday sums it up:

'I can only predict so much!'

 

[Carla]

You have the right to say no to any reading for any reason. It's your gift and you know how you should use it. Stay strong.

 

[Amanda]

I did the reading and at the end she told me that a psychic told her that he would come back in a month. It sounded like to me she wanted to keep asking her question to as many people as she could until it gives her the exact answer she WANTS to hear.

I think you've gotten some great advice in this thread, and I think you handled the situation the best way you possibly could.

But, I would just like to add that tarot *can* be used to predict timeframes, there are people doing it everyday, all the time... I'm one of them. Perhaps this is something you can work with and try to get comfortable with in your own way somehow (consistency is key!), because more often than not (and if you do intend to start charging people) you *need* to know some form of this if you intend to assimilate some kind of balance between giving someone what they want and also telling them what they need to hear, and if you expect to compete with any other reader (if you decide to charge that is). Because more often than not, the questions you get are going to start with "Will.." (yes/no) or "When.." (timing). If you can answer those questions AND give whatever information the cards are giving, you've just made yourself 3 times a stronger reader, and you will find that you get these nonsense sitters a little less.

When someone tells you what another reader has said, you just have to stop them right there and tell them that you can't support or deny another reader, you can only tell them what message the cards are giving you. More than likely the sitter has some fantasy story going on in their head, and they're looking for you to confirm this and fill in the blanks. But you can still read for them and stick to your guns about what you get, whether it confirms or denies. If you're still not comfortable answering the original question of "when", then perhaps you can answer the question more like, "What will happen between X and Y in a month's time?"

It's very difficult these days (or it seems that way to me) not to allow someone to abuse your connection with your tool. People will lie, they will mess with your head, they will do just about anything when the truth is staring them in the face and they feel backed into a corner and don't want to accept it, or at least just don't want *you* to see their weakness. And they will try to break that connection you have to your cards... make you feel crazy... make you feel worried that you're wrong... They are essentially trying to pull you in to help them deceive themselves so they will feel better about doing so... don't do it! The connection you have with your tarot cards (basically a connection with yourself) is a far more trustworthy connection than any sitter. But when you finally build that connection of trust with a sitter... it's nice.

If they become a problem... I usually have something similar to a 3-strike rule... then yes, tell them point blank that you won't be reading for them. If they ask why, tell them the truth. They've abused their privileges with you, they've fought you on the message in the past, they simply won't listen and keep asking the same question over and over again, etc... these are people that don't want to take responsibility for themselves and go against at least one of the reasons you're reading the cards for others (to help and empower them to THINK and DO something).

I've had people pay me, and then pull this crap... so then it becomes like a bribe for you to help them deceive themselves... don't do that either. I have refunded people and told them not to come back. I don't want to be a part of helping them do that and I don't want their dirty money in my life!

 

[tarotbear]

Remember - you are not 'Dear Abby.'

I agree with Starlily completely but Carla said it best:

You have the right to say no to any reading for any reason.

You are not obligated to read for anyone, and if this Querent returns (and they do) to ask the same question again,you are not bound to do another reading - ever - for them.