What is he thinking?

[big sur]

Hello community!

A friend and former lover who I've been trying to distance myself from reached out and invited me to an political event he's organizing. With any other person, former lover or not, I would take this as a sign of truce and interpersonal improvement, but with him it's usually a wild card as to how things will go. He's constantly hot and cold with me, and frankly I'm over it.

As of the other day, I had finally come To the conclusion that he doesn't care for me on any level and I felt comfortable having no direct contact with him ever again. I still have no intention of going down this road with him--I'm sad to lose the connection completely, but I'm tired of the high school-style drama--but I was curious to get some clarification from the cards. I have a feeling they're going to tell me what I'm already suspecting.

So asked the cards what are his intentions in inviting me? What does he want?

Present: 8 of Coins
-he's working hard on the political campaign. Very busy.

Challenge: Empress Rx
-he's Not feeling sexy or desired? Wants my attention? If read upright, he sees me as sexy and desires that?

Recent past: 10 of coins Rx
-Relationship with gf lacking in the bedroom? Some shakiness in his relationship?

Near future: 5 of coins Rx
-any resuming of our past entanglement will only result in spiritual poverty and deprivation between us--mainly for me as I have more to lose.

Above: 2 of swords
-foolish balancing act on his part. Maybe he's still playing the game? Having trouble communicating?

Below: 8 of wands Rx
-sexual energy between us has cooled. Whatever possibilities were up in the air before has decidedly settled due to his actions.

Self/advice: 6 of wands
-he is feeling triumphant in his accomplishments. Feeling bold and confident? Thinks he can win this one?

Environment: 5 of swords Rx
-Continual negative tension between us. I'm throwing in the towel and walking away.

Hopes/fears: the sun
-he hopes that something will come out of me coming to the event? That I will return despite how terrible he's treated me?

Outcome: ace of wands Rx
-new Sexual relationship that doesn't quite happen. Delays.

With no friendship cards appearing and lots of wands, I guess it's safe to say that he isn't interested in evolving the connection to a friendship in any capacity.

I'm really doing this reading not because I'm interested in him, but rather human behavior. He's an odd duck--I've never met someone so unpredictable.

Thanks!

 

[Saskia]

what are his intentions in inviting me? What does he want?

1. Present: 8 of Coins

2. Challenge: Empress Rx

3. Recent past: 10 of coins Rx

4. Near future: 5 of coins Rx

5. Above: 2 of swords

6. Below: 8 of wands Rx

7. Self/advice: 6 of wands

8. Environment: 5 of swords Rx

9. Hopes/fears: the sun

10. Outcome: ace of wands Rx

Hi big sur, you asked about his motive about inviting you, which might have nothing to do with wanting you or wanting a relationship. Here goes:

1. Yes, he's diligently doing his job. He needs people to this event, he has your contact details, hence, he invited you to make the numbers (8 Pents - more of the same = produce more people to this event).

2. Challenge is no growth. This is his challenge, because it's about his motive, so it could be: the challenge for him is to convince you to come when nothing grew between you; or his challenge is to grow this event, it needs to take root for his polly to make it.

3. There has not been a solid ground between you two in the past; or he's having trouble with funding the campaign and is resorting to his personal contacts more and more (reaching out to his roots).

4. Nothing much will come out of this invitation for him or you (maybe you don't go at all; you feel rejected by him if you go; or he feels he didn't meet his target of numbers if you don't go).

5. He's of two minds is it a good idea to invite you. At the same time he does and doesn't want something from you, but it's intellectual (your vote?).

6. Lack of communication or miscommunication. Perhaps he's called around to everyone he knows but not enough people are responding or being interested in coming.

7. He wants to feel successful, and make his polly successful. That's his main driver here.

8. Politics is a cut throat environment and everyone is in it to win. He's using whatever the tactics he can to ensure the win.

9. His hopes are that you turn up and say yes to the candidate. He wants a life in the sun and that can only be achieved if enough people believe in the person he gravitates around, the candidate.

10. A blank shot, nothing will come out of this after the initial burst of enthusiasm. He may have invited you in the spur of a moment or as part of a mailing list; but it's not to pursue you. This is decidedly non-sexual/non-passionate card when reversed.

Sorry about my negative reading but all those reversed cards make the situation look quite forced and blocked.

 

[Catrenna]

Hi I would like to put my input in for the two of swords. This would explain why you think he is hot and cold with you. I always get this card for myself, so I figured I tell you what it means to me. Two of swords means to me that I'm guarding myself. I'm preventing myself from being hurt and turning a blind eye to whatever that may hurt me. He could just be a little insecure and unsure about the relationship. I hope this helped a little. I'm not the best at explaining.

 

[big sur]

Hi Saskia,

No, I think you're interpretation is appropriate. It doesn't hurt my feelings at all. His behavior is difficult to dicpher, and I was being thrown by all the wands. I also don't live in his district or city, so other than padding a crowd, there's not much reason to invite me. I guess what I was wondering was if he was trying to pursue a platonic friendship (as most the people on his list are his closest friends and allies, and in the past I would've considered myself that), but considering he isn't inviting me to his music events or interacting with me in any other way, it makes sense that this is pure business. Good to know.

And thinking back to past interactions with him, where he's invited me to things, but is distant or cold, it makes sense, he was just using me to boost numbers or attendance. But there was a river of feeling between us that left me confused. I've come to realize the older I get, the less I understand my emotions or those of the people around me, but when I asked friends they were similarly confused.

 

[big sur]

Hi I would like to put my input in for the two of swords. This would explain why you think he is hot and cold with you. I always get this card for myself, so I figured I tell you what it means to me. Two of swords means to me that I'm guarding myself. I'm preventing myself from being hurt and turning a blind eye to whatever that may hurt me. He could just be a little insecure and unsure about the relationship. I hope this helped a little. I'm not the best at explaining.

Thank you for that insight. I didn't think of the two that way. He is insecure. I did break his heart a couple of years ago and I've spent the last year foolishly trying to make up for it. There's a lot of in's and out's and maybe this is what I deserve.

 

[big sur]

I wonder if his inviting me to the political event was a half-hearted way of trying to catch on my way out the door of his life. Now that I think about it, I did remove all my likes and comments from his social media pages from the last year. I suppose it was my childish way of dealing with rejection--he invited my husband, who is just his acquaintance, to his show instead of me, which felt like a huge slap in the face. I would like to talk to him about it directly, but I'm afraid that an honest conversation would get stonewalled and I will feel foolish. It feels like whatever karma we were resolving is done and it's time to go, but we're both still hanging onto a very thin cord...

 

[Amanda]

So asked the cards what are his intentions in inviting me? What does he want?

I think your interpretations are pretty good; I'll just inject some original commentary for how things are sticking out to me.

Present: 8 of Coins
-he's working hard on the political campaign. Very busy.

Challenge: Empress Rx
-he's Not feeling sexy or desired? Wants my attention? If read upright, he sees me as sexy and desires that?

These two cards look like, "Look at me, Mom! See how hard I'm working?" It seems like he needs your (and perhaps others') approval and that he is working hard to gain that approval and assurance for the work he's doing. He may be working more for social status/recognition, rather than because he truly enjoys the work he's doing. The Empress RX really takes the quality out of the 8s craftsmanship... working hard for superficial reasons, working hard for little, if any, reward.

Recent past: 10 of coins Rx
-Relationship with gf lacking in the bedroom? Some shakiness in his relationship?

Near future: 5 of coins Rx
-any resuming of our past entanglement will only result in spiritual poverty and deprivation between us--mainly for me as I have more to lose.

Yeah, that 10 comes across as 'can't get no satisfaction' and that seems likely with 'everything' since it's a 10. Relationship, money, etc. It comes across to me like he has a long history of being unable to achieve satisfaction in his life; it feels like a deep chasm or void within him -- I'm guessing with the Empress RX in the spread and the Quint of Empress, it's a mother-issue from his childhood or something. The 5 comes across to me like he may be looking forward to a 'pick-me-up' from you. Certainly that won't solve all his issues from long ago up until now, but he might feel it could bring him some temporary relief from this gaping void in his life that he can't escape (because he's likely convinced it's 'everything' outside of him, rather than fully realizing it's a problem stemming from within).

Above: 2 of swords
-foolish balancing act on his part. Maybe he's still playing the game? Having trouble communicating?

Below: 8 of wands Rx
-sexual energy between us has cooled. Whatever possibilities were up in the air before has decidedly settled due to his actions.

Yep- balancing act, coping; hopefully I've adequately highlighted the compromise (2) he's making. It's easier to get a 'pick-me-up' rather than venture into the past and all his unresolved issues to adequately deal with them to increase the real love/passion (8) for a better quality of life (10). That reversed eight is like grasping at straws, only it seems to be how he handles everything in his life, rather than being isolated to singular situations.

Self/advice: 6 of wands
-he is feeling triumphant in his accomplishments. Feeling bold and confident? Thinks he can win this one?

Environment: 5 of swords Rx
-Continual negative tension between us. I'm throwing in the towel and walking away.

His problem is that he tends to 'stay above' everything, especially negativity. In his mind, if he stays above it, it can't touch him and therefore he doesn't adequately deal with processing problems and pain. It seems he has a strong aversion to conflict, while also needing that lovely Empress touch. Since that gentle touch cannot be trusted not to turn into a harsh smack in the face, he wants it but doesn't get too close, which may motivate him to 'use' you or others in ways that are 'safer' for him to at least get what he needs in part, without the threat to his safety.

Hopes/fears: the sun
-he hopes that something will come out of me coming to the event? That I will return despite how terrible he's treated me?

Outcome: ace of wands Rx
-new Sexual relationship that doesn't quite happen. Delays.

Again, the Sun card depicts a naïve little boy with arms wide open kind of saying, "Look at me!" I think he genuinely hopes for things to be good between the two of you, but perhaps also fearing his own guilt or screw-ups, perhaps already knowing how you might be judging him here. The Ace of Wands RX also highlights this 'shot in the dark' for him- which is not uncharacteristic of his behavior at all. According to the 10 RX and the 8 of Wands RX, that seems to be how he has become accustomed to handling things; he probably doesn't actually expect anything to come of it.

With no friendship cards appearing and lots of wands, I guess it's safe to say that he isn't interested in evolving the connection to a friendship in any capacity.

I'm really doing this reading not because I'm interested in him, but rather human behavior. He's an odd duck--I've never met someone so unpredictable.

Thanks!

The Sun is a pretty good card of friendship, but that's something he both hopes for and fears. I'm interested in human behavior as well; some people need chaos and unpredictability to adequately function, however it seems your friend has not yet figured out how to make that work to his better advantage and to the advantage of others around him. In answer to your question about his intentions for inviting you, or for what he wants from you -- he has no idea, really. He's taking a shot in the dark and seeing what you make of it for him so he can likely decide where he should go from there and where to take his next shot in the dark.

Just some thoughts, I hope it helps.

 

[big sur]

Hi Amanda,

Thank you for your insight. I think you hit upon many good points from an overall psychological standpoint. While I no longer think he is interested in me, inviting me made me confused and upset, as I wish he would pick a position and stick with it. Really, I think he likes drama, whether he would acknowledge it or not, and now that I think about it, seems to react when I'm the one making the motions to move on. You're interpretation helps me understand him overall.

These two cards look like, "Look at me, Mom! See how hard I'm working?" It seems like he needs your (and perhaps others') approval and that he is working hard to gain that approval and assurance for the work he's doing. He may be working more for social status/recognition, rather than because he truly enjoys the work he's doing. The Empress RX really takes the quality out of the 8s craftsmanship... working hard for superficial reasons, working hard for little, if any, reward.

Yeah, he is vying for approval from the world. I think he genuinely likes politics, he has an academic background in it, but what he's doing currently is probably for little pay. It makes him look good, though, he's working for campaign in a major American city. I have the feeling he'll end up going into politics as his main career eventually. Also, most of his endeavors end up costing him financially, such as music and writing, which I know from personal experience is frustrating.

Yeah, that 10 comes across as 'can't get no satisfaction' and that seems likely with 'everything' since it's a 10. Relationship, money, etc. It comes across to me like he has a long history of being unable to achieve satisfaction in his life; it feels like a deep chasm or void within him -- I'm guessing with the Empress RX in the spread and the Quint of Empress, it's a mother-issue from his childhood or something. The 5 comes across to me like he may be looking forward to a 'pick-me-up' from you. Certainly that won't solve all his issues from long ago up until now, but he might feel it could bring him some temporary relief from this gaping void in his life that he can't escape (because he's likely convinced it's 'everything' outside of him, rather than fully realizing it's a problem stemming from within).

That's probably true, too. He's had lots of relationship and professional upsets in the past. He really wants to make his current relationship work. I delivered a cold slap of reality in his face that we will never fully recover from. I have to admit that I'm usually more civil with my men friend interests, something about him raises my ire like none other, but I also realize that I've been a bit much to handle. Many elements of my life caved in at the same time and I didn't deal with it well.

I probably am a pick-me-up, which pains me a little bit, but I guess he's been that for me in the past, so I have no room to judge. I've been confused about my feelings for him. I can't describe them. I feel like this is a past life situation.

Yep- balancing act, coping; hopefully I've adequately highlighted the compromise (2) he's making. It's easier to get a 'pick-me-up' rather than venture into the past and all his unresolved issues to adequately deal with them to increase the real love/passion (8) for a better quality of life (10). That reversed eight is like grasping at straws, only it seems to be how he handles everything in his life, rather than being isolated to singular situations.

Sure, instead of talking about what happened, it's easier to pretend that nothing happened and that it's not because of his own issues. I don't think there's any romantic love, I'm not hoping or wanting that, but I think he lacks maturity in dealing with emotional situations.

Compromise in that he invited me because I was obviously upset. Grasping at straws would explain what I consider to be overall inconsistent behavior. I used to think that he was messing with me, and couldn't figure out if he was super into me or just pursuing sex. His ways of doing simply don't line up with most boy behavior, although a lot of it reminds me of dating in high school and early college.

His problem is that he tends to 'stay above' everything, especially negativity. In his mind, if he stays above it, it can't touch him and therefore he doesn't adequately deal with processing problems and pain. It seems he has a strong aversion to conflict, while also needing that lovely Empress touch. Since that gentle touch cannot be trusted not to turn into a harsh smack in the face, he wants it but doesn't get too close, which may motivate him to 'use' you or others in ways that are 'safer' for him to at least get what he needs in part, without the threat to his safety.

Yes, like a much younger person. He wants to be the good guy, even though he's beautifully human. Might explain the lack of maturity. One has to accept they're made of clay like everyone else in order to evolve. He might judge me because I accept this side of myself, and I strongly suspect his gf hasn't had her halo tarnished yet, so he can keep her on a pedestal a little longer.

He does have a strong aversion to conflict, even when it's benign and productive. I hurt him, and so he's afraid of inciting that again. I think it's a theme in his life. He blames me and won't step into that realm again, and won't consider his own hand in it. I screwed up, but he did a few things that dug into my own childhood issues and caused me not to trust him. I still feel bad about reacting like that, but I also never explained what he did to upset me--I don't know why. I learned a lot about myself from it.

Again, the Sun card depicts a naïve little boy with arms wide open kind of saying, "Look at me!" I think he genuinely hopes for things to be good between the two of you, but perhaps also fearing his own guilt or screw-ups, perhaps already knowing how you might be judging him here. The Ace of Wands RX also highlights this 'shot in the dark' for him- which is not uncharacteristic of his behavior at all. According to the 10 RX and the 8 of Wands RX, that seems to be how he has become accustomed to handling things; he probably doesn't actually expect anything to come of it.

Naive is an accurate descriptor. He's well-meaning, but careless with his interpersonal relationships. He can make you feel like the most special person in world even if he just met you, but he lacks agency and lets things happen to him. He's passive and passive-aggressive.

But I'm hurt and not wanting to play the fool again. I've tried to open an honest conversation with him, but he doesn't seem to want much to do with me. He acts distant, even on social media, although when something bad happens in my life, I can tell he's hovering in the background, like a concerned friend, which I find a little annoying. I guess I'm more yoda about my actions.

The Sun is a pretty good card of friendship, but that's something he both hopes for and fears. I'm interested in human behavior as well; some people need chaos and unpredictability to adequately function, however it seems your friend has not yet figured out how to make that work to his better advantage and to the advantage of others around him. In answer to your question about his intentions for inviting you, or for what he wants from you -- he has no idea, really. He's taking a shot in the dark and seeing what you make of it for him so he can likely decide where he should go from there and where to take his next shot in the dark.Just some thoughts, I hope it helps.

Maybe. it is something to fear because we've ended up in bed together in the past, although that time has passed for me. He wants to take the high road of purity, the one we walk in childhood, and not acknowledge his own role in his own problems. I think he's just taking the first steps of healing from his childhood. He reminds me a lot of myself when I was in my early 20s and maybe that's part of the attraction and my need to protect him on some level. I want him to flourish, I just wish he thought more highly of me and didn't act in such immature ways. Immature men make me uncomfortable on some deep seated level.

I'd like to see him in 10 years. He's going to be a much different, hopefully fuller, person.

You're probably right about his decision-making. It makes me feel weird and puts it all on me. I'm not willing to do that this time. I'm not mad at him, and I'm not going to cut him completely out of my life, but it will be weird. He came into to teach me some things and I think those lessons are being processed. If he wants to be friends, the ball is now in his court. I don't have time for baby games.

 

[big sur]

can anyone guide me on how to use the quotes properly? i don't know how to separate it out.

 

[CrystalSeas]

can anyone guide me on how to use the quotes properly? i don't know how to separate it out.

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