Struggling to adapt to new city

[stone_lotus]

I've recently (2 months ago) returned to my home country after 10 years abroad and am struggling to adapt to life in a new city..... In addition to a failure to connect emotionally with this new city (Vancouver), I've been unable to find work and am starting to consider returning to Asia (which would not be without risk/uncertainty). This is a wild and bold idea: I had seriously NEVER considered that would be a possibility when I returned to Canada; I assumed I would be returning here for good.

The following is a reading on "Life in Vancouver". I didn't specifically ask about moving back to Asia, but it was on my mind. Interpretations and thoughts are so very much appreciated, as I feel very biased on this one!

RWS, no reversals

Energy that was surrounding May: 7 of Wands
Struggle. Feeling as though I'm fighting against a lot of different fronts... Not able to find a job, and my mom is critical of this; I'M critical of this; not making friends as easily as I thought, and seriously not digging the social scene here; trying so hard to like/be positive about Vancouver, but failing, etc., etc.!

What I'm seeing: The World
I've finally recognized that I might not actually belong here. (I seriously had not considered that would be a possibility; had NEVER contemplated that I would return to Asia until just a few days ago.) Maybe returning to Canada represented the COMPLETION of a cycle, not the beginning of a new one. (Interesting that the Fool never came up, not once, during all my preparations and lead-up to the Canada move...)

What I'm NOT seeing: 6 of Pents
Probably, the generosity of my friends here in Vancouver. I do see it, but I'm not, hm, appreciating it... Maybe I'm also failing to see the ways I could give (specifically: to my family, who were so happy that I came back, but who I struggle to get along with). Might also mean I should be treating this whole experience as a gift rather than a struggle.

What I should do: Ace of Pents
Explore and grasp new employment/money-making opportunities (but where? Canada? Japan? Clarifier: Page of Cups. Hm.... Wherever I see love and delight?)

What I should NOT do: Emperor
Control / put down roots / establish a firm foundation for myself here in Vancouver (!!! Could that possibly be true??? Here's where I feel my bias might be coming in).

Energy surrounding June: 8 of Wands
Hmm... Momentum, freedom, flying through the air... Lack of restriction... Swift action.... YES! Sounds wonderful! Job offer? Could also pertain to hasty decisions...... Interesting that it's moving from the 7 of Wands in May to the 8 of Wands in June. Progress?

Comments on one or all of these cards are so very much appreciated!

 

[Mantramommy]

Wow, Stone! A great reading and I would completely agree with your read on cards and it seems like you have been able to stay grounded and not get too emotional (bias).

So, a few things that I would add to your great read...regarding the 6 of pents: it may be urging you to ask for help and this may aid in keeping you grounded while also broadening your scope of ideas of whether to stay and adjust or venture out. Also, regarding the World...could it be that you feel like you have the World of burden on your back? The World (just to me) sometimes urges us to step back and take a larger view (which you are doing) while ensuring we don't go to big so we are thrown outside our atmosphere. Stay within orbit, but think bigger.

The Ace of Pents: stay grounded and be patient may also be its message. Something out of the blue may present itself and that's where that larger view may be needed so that you are looking broad enough to recognize the gifts being presented to you.

Regarding the Emperor: it could be suggesting to again stay open to your emotions and ideas and don't get caught up in your head. Stay in touch with your emotions and passions without being overly concerned about how you are perceived or "what keeps you powerful." With relationships, be more grounded and relatable (6 of pants again?)

8 of wands completely speaks to movement, which may occur given that Ace of pants.

Hope this helps! Lastly, you may want to design a "two decision spread" regarding your decision. I find that helps.

 

[stone_lotus]

Thanks so much for all your comments, Mantramommy -- you've really given me fresh perspectives!

regarding the 6 of pents: it may be urging you to ask for help and this may aid in keeping you grounded while also broadening your scope of ideas of whether to stay and adjust or venture out.

I think this is absolutely true. I am feeling really lost and second-guessing my desire to go back.... Fearing I might be making a large, expensive, time-consuming mistake for a SECOND time.... And your comment here makes me think I should really ask people for help, specifically, advice. I've kind of been avoiding that, trying to appear strong, like I know what I'm doing, etc. Now might be the time to admit that I don't and ask for help.

Also, regarding the World...could it be that you feel like you have the World of burden on your back? The World (just to me) sometimes urges us to step back and take a larger view (which you are doing) while ensuring we don't go to big so we are thrown outside our atmosphere. Stay within orbit, but think bigger.

Neat take!! I actually DO feel as though I've been carrying this huge burden..... It's exhausting..... A widened perception is definitely needed.

The Ace of Pents: stay grounded and be patient may also be its message. Something out of the blue may present itself and that's where that larger view may be needed so that you are looking broad enough to recognize the gifts being presented to you.

Ah yes, staying grounded and being patient.... Not my strong points, traditionally..... Prudent advice, from the card and from you. : )

Regarding the Emperor: it could be suggesting to again stay open to your emotions and ideas and don't get caught up in your head. Stay in touch with your emotions and passions without being overly concerned about how you are perceived or "what keeps you powerful." With relationships, be more grounded and relatable (6 of pants again?)

I really resonate with what you say about being overly concerned about how I'm perceived. I'm really terrified of making a mistake, and also, of LOOKING like I've made a mistake. I know that's silly, but that's how I feel.

8 of wands completely speaks to movement, which may occur given that Ace of pants.

Ah, I like that idea that this movement may be connected to the Ace of pents! Yay opportunity!

Hope this helps! Lastly, you may want to design a "two decision spread" regarding your decision. I find that helps.

It helped a lot, and I feel a "2 decision" reading will definitely have to happen soon. Thank you so much. : )

 

[Mantramommy]

Glad this helped! It sounds like a lot of the energy you've reasonayed with all speaks to that Emperor energy, which can be rigid and exhausting! Best wishes!