Are capable of true forgiveness???

[Ramses]

Hey folks...
How are you?...Hope you?re all fine!!!

Well...Forgive...can you really forgive someone who has hurt you???...Forgive, and forget all the hurt?...Can you love your "enemies"?...well, that?s what we should do, right?...

I remember now...there was this stupid guy, at high school, who kept calling me bad names, for a whole year, just to call people?s attention...I was really upset with that...everybody used to say that if they were me, they would have hit the guy long before...well, sometimes I felt like doing that...but, the year went by...and, when me and my friends decided to go bowling, as a "farewell party", on our last day in high school, that guy was there....
well...by the end of the day, I started saying good bye to everybody, before leaving, and decided to shake hands with that guy, as a sign of peace, and forgiveness...all of our friends were amazed, took pictures and all...they couldn?t believe I was shaking hands with that guy who kept being bad at me all year...

well...In my opinion, if you allow feelings of hurt and anger to grow inside you, all you?re gonna get is hurt for your soul...it?s so much better to forgive...
of course..sometimes it?s a difficult thing to do...but, if we take some time to think, we?ll see that we are not perfect...we make lots of mistakes too, and we want to be forgiven...don?t we?...
So...that?s it ...hehe...I think I?m really confusing in my posts, ain?t I???

LOVE, PEACE AND HARMONY TO YOU ALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Kiama]

I got bullied quite alot in Secondary School and in Primary School, but now if I see the people who bullied me, I'll say 'hi', smile, etc... I don't see the point in remembering what hurt me in the past.

If I have a disgreement with somebody, I also don't see the point of carrying it through to affect any other aspect of life. On Aeclectic and the web, if I have a disagreement, I forget it and don't let it affect what I say to the person in the future.

I don't think I've actually said to myself, right, Kim, its time to forgive this person.... Cuz usually I just forget it and accept what happened. So, I kinda don't know if I do actually forgive. I just heal quickly I guess...

However, I do find it one of he most difficult things in the world to forgive myself. I have done some things which I shouldn't have, which, although I was forgiven by the person it affected, I still cannot fully forgive myself. There will always be something inside me which feels disgusted at what I did.

I think that if we don't forgve others, it condemns them to slower healing. I know that if I wasn't forgiven, I would be even worse right no about what I did! But this person's forgiveness made the world of difference.

There. A bit of a confused answer, so I hope you guys understood it!

Kiama

 

[Liliana]

YesI actually forgive andI love my enemy. Im a mentalmess because of how my grandparents (who raised me), my mom, and mypeers treated me all throughmyschool years. I was"that kid" in school, you know, the one thats the butt of every joke, the one sprayed with the cootie spray in grade school, which graduates into the girl noone but absolute loosers willdate in high school. I have no self esteem because of it, most people mention one person who did this to them, I had an entire school worth. I was paranoid, every whisper was about me, I couldnt truly enjoy my school days.
But I never hated them, I still dont hate them. I sometimes wish they didnt destroy me like they did, and wonder who id be if they hadnt, but I still forgive them. They are the ones who've been divorced (only about 25 years old), are single parents, and worse. I've been married for 6 years, have 2 daughters, and am getting a better life, so I forgive them forhaving to step on me to make themselves feel big. Its the way life is.

 

[truthsayer]

i could talk about forgiveness for hours. there are so many kinds of forgiveness and ways to forgive. there are many stages in reaching complete forgiveness. there are ppl and situations that i think i have forgiven but then something happens and those feelings will re-emerge. so when someone says they have forgiven but haven't forgotten i know that a surface level there is forgiveness in this person's heart. but at a deeper level there is still healing to be done. i know when thoughts from the past no longer plague me then i have let the situation. one big component of forgiving someone is learning how to forgive yourself for allowing yourself to be vulnerable. when i was a child, some adults did things that really hurt me and impacted my life. i thought i was loved but realized later these weren't exactly loving behaviors but what i had learned and accepted to be love. it has taken me many years of recovery to put these things behind me. the biggest hurdle was forgiving myself for allowing those things to happen. a friend pointed out to me that i wasn't being fair to myself b/c i was judging a child thru adult eyes. if i had been an adult i would have had more control to fight back or question the things that happened. as that concept of self-forgiveness sunk in, my anger towards the ppl involved lessened and melted. i got to the point i was able to confront the ppl and talk about my feelings and their feelings. if a door was shut on me then that indicated where that person stood on being able to take personal responsibility. however, i didn't have to accept responsibility for that person's behavior to make things right. no matter what, that person still was responsible for the behavior. i could still let go and forgive--not necessarily b/c an irresponsible person refused to accept the truth about him/herself--but b/c i deserved forgiveness. i deserved another chance at life. i deserved to let go of the past and get on w/ my life. no amt. of apology will change the past but just a touch of forgiveness goes a long way towards beginning healing a heart in the present and to creating a new future which begins mending those broken fences. i have found that i am strong in the broken places. what doesn't kill me, only makes me stronger.

so yes, i am capable of true forgiveness but i am wise enough to know that forgiveness doesn't just happen. it's a process. some forgivenesses are easy but the wound isn't deep. complex hurts can can take a lifetime. it's okay tho. i'm up for the duration.

 

[aciddragon]

Quote:truthsayer (04 Mar, 2002 09:13):
iso yes, i am capable of true forgiveness but i am wise enough to know that forgiveness doesn't just happen. it's a process. some forgivenesses are easy but the wound isn't deep. complex hurts can can take a lifetime. it's okay tho. i'm up for the duration.

I totally agree with this statement. About 3 yrs ago, I was in a relationship that when south. It was with a friend that I had known for 15 yrs. It totally destroy my trust in ppl and it was the darkness days of my life thus far and hopefully ever. At the time I wanted to forgive her and did to a point, but it wasn't total forgiveness. 3 yrs later, I'm still struggling with it, but I've come a long ways with it. I'm trying now to renew our friendship. She was a very special person to me. We use to be able to tell each other anything and everything. I'm not sure if the friendship will ever get back to that point but I'm going to try. She knows she hurt me but I don't think she'll ever know how bad nor do I think I want her to know. I think it would just make matters worse for her. Anyway, Yes I believe in forgiveness but time...Time is the key to all things. If you let wound fester, it will only destroy you not the other person who hurt you.

 

[jade]

i haven't read anyone else's posts on this but here's my response:

i can forgive, but never forget. to forget is silly and unsensible!

if my friend gossips harshly behind my back and i find out, confront her and she apologizes and promises not to do it again and then, later she does it again.....then i know to let that friend go! since friends are mirrors of us, i don't want to mirror that type of behaviour.

so yes, i'm very forgiving. after all i have forgiven my 'offenders' from my childhood abuse, but i don't forget.

in light,
jade

ps although, i don't believe in 'holding it against them' either. that isn't truely forgiving. just tuck it away in case they do it again!

 

[JustBlue]

I have to agree with many things that Truthsayer said, it is a process.
And this process for me is a very long one, and the time I have gone trough have leaved very deep scars in my soul.

I also had to walk trough the parth of self forgiveness, for the destruction that I was the target of, I still recover from it, but I have come a very long way.
The postive side of the abuse, and hardship I have faced, is that it has made me what I am today, and it has forced me to see clearly and honest on myself, facing my darkest fears, and overcome it.

I still at times move into old frames of mind, where self denial and pain are a part, but these moments happen less and less, thank God.

And yes, I love those who consider themselfs my enemy.

 

[Diana]

There have been some very moving and honest stories posted here. I must say that they shook me up quite a bit.

I've been thinking about Ramses' question on and off all morning. And I don't think I can give a black or white answer - it's very much in the grey. But I think I can can say that I forgive people who have truly repented. But if the person who has hurt me feels no remorse, or has done nothing, or not enough, to change him/herself, then no, I don't think I can forgive that person. I will try and not let any feelings of hatred or anger or antagonism eat me up, but will not forgive them. At most, I will try and become indifferent to them.

But now, I have never been really hurt very badly. I don't know how I would react in extreme circumstances. Like if I had been put unjustly in prison for a crime I didn't commit, or something worse than that, I don't know if I could ever forgive the person who put me there.

So my answer to Ramses' question is "yes, no, maybe, I dunno, depends on the circumstances".

 

[Diana]

P.S. Ramses, I don't see why anyone should "love their enemies". I think that's a bit wierd.

 

[Kiama]

'Loving your enemies' is an interesting subject. I don't think that it means we should try and mke friends with them, buy them presents, buy them a drink down the pub, etc... Cuz there are bound to be some people in this world we don't like, or who we don't get on with. I don't see the point of trying to like someone when I don't. However, maybe 'love thy enemies' is more an instruction in what affects hatred and dispels it quickest, with the most effect: Love, or further hatred? And to hate your enemies is easy, you just do to them what they did to you. Respecting them, and showing them compassion, not retaliating, is more than difficult! Its an artform! When somebody has forced their hate upon you, why let that hatred get inside you? Why not bar it out with some feeling, with some light?

And then we come onto 'enemies'. I don't think I really have any enemies. 'Enemies', to me, denotes those horible bad guy characters in films, who are after the hero from the word go, an want to kill them , or somethng. Maybe its just my inexperience of enemies talking now, but maybe we don't have enemies as such, but merely people who don't like us, and we don't like them?

Kiama