questions and topics that drive you nuts

[Grizabella]

Is he gay or is she lesbian---those make me fume. Just because someone isn't all over you or try to get you into bed on sight doesn't mean they're gay or lesbian. Might it not be that you just don't appeal to them that way? Or might it not be that they're kind of old-fashioned and want to get to know you before they take the next step? Especially on a first date, for Pete's sake! If someone, especially a man, doesn't try to bed you right away, you should be thankful, because those who do are usually the ones who are just after a quick fling and then leave you high and dry, never looking back. What I've found is that that type won't be back if you do and they won't be back if you don't, so why waste myself by giving in?

I don't mind relationship questions at all. And I think a lot of readers who don't like doing predictive readings are just afraid to. They're afraid they'll be wrong and look stupid, but that doesn't matter to me. I'm not trying to give myself ego strokes. I still do predictive and relationship readings even if it means having to go out on a limb.

However, I really don't like doing "is he/she cheating on me?" questions because if I happen to be wrong, it could devastate an otherwise intact family. I'm not arrogant enough to believe I'm 100% accurate, so therefore I prefer to handle those with kid gloves and, if possible, rephrase the question into something less volatile.

 

[caridwen]

Is he gay or is she lesbian---those make me fume. Just because someone isn't all over you or try to get you into bed on sight doesn't mean they're gay or lesbian.

I do actually understand why these questions are asked and don't think it is solely because someone doesn't want to sleep with you after fifteen minutes.

I have a friend whose husband came out two years into their marriage. I can also understand how, in today's society, it is difficult to tell whether someone is gay or not and how a quick reading may stop a lot of heartache or potential embarrassment. If you are gay and want to ask another guy out but are not sure if he is gay or not, you can't just walk over and ask him. Not everyone is 'out' or flaunts their sexuality. Some people are in denial or simply don't know they are gay, today's society is somewhat blurred when it comes to sexuality.

I wouldn't appreciate a question that was nosy. It's none of my business or anyone else's if someone is gay. It is however my business if he's my husband or boyfriend. I had a relationship with someone who I think is gay and he either doesn't know or is in denial. In fact men hit on him all the time but he tells them he's straight.

Well, i am never getting paid, and most people i do readings for are freinds, but i keep coming across with this, "tell me about this, and thats all im gonna tell you" thing going on, where people want an answer to their question without actually asking the question, which leaves me at a place where i have to put together their question from body language and reactions to prodding, as most of my friends are as stubborn as i am and wont budge after they say so. It's just annoying.

Sorry I didn't see this.

You haven't stated whether or not you are being held down and forced to read. If you are, call the police, if not then you have a myriad of choices available to you.

a) Don't read for friends
b) Don't read for friends unless they are willing to help you frame a suitable question
c) Make friends with people who don't judge you as a charlatan
d) Don't read for bullies
e) Learn the art of boundaries and how to keep them in tact
f) Get some assertiveness training
g) Don't read for others
h) Tell them that if they do not help you frame a question, that you will only do a general reading (Horseshoe spread is very good for this).
i) Don't read for people who think you are trying to con them especially when you are reading for free
j) Your own choice here____________________.

Sans annoyance de plus empowerment

 

[Manda]

Well, i am never getting paid, and most people i do readings for are freinds, but i keep coming across with this, "tell me about this, and thats all im gonna tell you" thing going on, where people want an answer to their question without actually asking the question, which leaves me at a place where i have to put together their question from body language and reactions to prodding, as most of my friends are as stubborn as i am and wont budge after they say so. It's just annoying.

You've got the goods, you have something they want (the reading) so you have to take control of the situation. Trust me, it's no skin off your nose to not read for people who don't want to shoot straight with you. Readings are interactive; you are not a Magic 8 Ball. If you don't want to be treated like one don't allow it to happen. You can always say, "I'm sorry but I need a direction to go in, or more information in order to give you the best possible reading." If they don't want to do that then don't read for them, if you are not comfortable not doing it your way. I am not advocating becoming a tarot fascist but DO be your own best advocate.

That being said, I won't read on things I don't consider the questioner's business, for example: "Is my ex seeing someone else? Does he love her? How can I break them up?" (I realize there is a bit of judgment going on there, but that's my karma to worry about.) Another question I hate is "Can you tell me the winning lottery numbers?" Umm, no. If I could, I wouldn't be here reading for $1 a minute. I'd be doing it for free in my mansion, come on by and I'll have Giles (that's my would-be butler's name) fix you up a cocktail.

I don't mind relationship readings. Love makes the world go 'round.

 

[euripides]

You haven't stated whether or not you are being held down and forced to read. If you are, call the police, if not then you have a myriad of choices available to you.

bearing in mind that this is meant to be a reasonably lighthearted thread where you can blow off steam. Your good sense about this is admirable, for sure! But don't you EVER want to just slap someone and say, "You idiot! Take a look at yourself!" or perhaps "Certainly, I'll be happy to answer that question yet again. Though I'm not sure why you're asking, didn't you trust the answer I gave you last time...?" doesn't ANYTHING make your blood boil?

I mean heavens I'd never ever speak that way to a client. Of course we smile and gently prod them in a different direction. Sympathise at the way they seem unable to move on, and hope that this time we'll be able to put things in such a way that they'll listen to what is laid out before them. While resisting the urge to stick needles in our eyes.

 

[caridwen]

But don't you EVER want to just slap someone and say, "You idiot! Take a look at yourself!" or perhaps "Certainly, I'll be happy to answer that question yet again. Though I'm not sure why you're asking, didn't you trust the answer I gave you last time...?" doesn't ANYTHING make your blood boil?

For paying clients no. My readings take a minimum of an hour and I spend a long time with the client discussing why they are there, what they hope to get from the reading and how they would like to frame a question. I want them to get the most out of their reading so will gently help them rephrase a question if I thought it was too narrow or not helpful enough.

I do read for friends and family for free now and again. I had a friend who asked about the same men over and again but, she did put whatever advice she was given to good use. She came back to find out how the cards had changed. I did get annoyed because she was constantly asking though and I felt used. I don't read for her anymore.

I don't answer the same question over and over again. I see it as part of my duty as a reader to guide the querent regarding spread and question.

 

[The crowned one]

No single question drives me too nutty, but repeated questions on the same subject or topic over and over do. Ask once and if you do not like the answer either ignore it, change your path, or lie to yourself. To me each same question asked is like a ripple from a rock tossed in a pond: the first time is the strongest, each time after you get less and less good information as the ripple becomes weaker, and tossing another rock does not work

OK " is he gay" is plain dumb, just ask. Most relationship question that are "Hit on the head" not subtle I feel should be dealt with in a direct way: just ask, but I am a direct guy.... it is the subtle nuances and little things that I ask the cards and I like to read about for others... BUT I will read for any question asked if they want to pay.

 

[NorthernTigress]

The one that I'm getting really tired of hearing is "What is X thinking/feeling about me?" It just bugs me. Why not just ask them?

But the thing that makes me want to pull my hair out are the people who insist on "Asking their question silently". My Reiki Teacher, bless her soul, does this all the time. She shuffles, cuts the cards, and then lays her hand on the deck to "put the energy of the question into the cards". Sometimes I can look at the cards and see the direction to go, but most of the time I'm just guessing.

 

[caridwen]

The one that I'm getting really tired of hearing is "What is X thinking/feeling about me?" It just bugs me. Why not just ask them?

I obviously live on a different planet to those who nonchalantly stroll over, tap the apple of their eye on the shoulder and say, "Hey, you. What do you feel about me?" On my planet, I am way too shy and sensitive to ask strangers or acquaintances or even friends, those questions.

The other one is "Excuse me. I think you're attractive and was wondering if you're a homosexual. If you are, I'm straight so I'm wasting my time but if you're not, then do you fancy coming out for a drink?" or "Excuse me, I would love to sleep with you but am not sure if you're gay, are you?" That doesn't happen on my planet.

But the think that makes me want to pull my hair out are the people who insist on "Asking their question silently". My Reiki Teacher, bless her soul, does this all the time. She shuffles, cuts the cards, and then lays her hand on the deck to "put the energy of the question into the cards". Sometimes I can look at the cards and see the direction to go, but most of the time I'm just guessing.

You are in control of the reading, not your Reiki teacher. Make it clear that you read better when you have a question in order to frame the reading. The other way around this is to use a good general spread.

 

[NorthernTigress]

Well, in my case the "what are they thinking" isn't necessarily about love and relationships. I'm trying to think of some examples without violating privacy....

I get asked "I'm about to meet my fiance's parents, what do they think of me?". Followed shortly by "I just met my fiance's parents yesterday, NOW what do they think of me?"

"I have had a major change in my health recently. It's changed my habits/behaviors. What do my friends think about me?"

"One of my neighbors started some nasty rumors about me. Does anyone believe it? What does the person who started the rumor feel about me? What do the rest of my neighbors feel about me?"

 

[Le Fanu]

I can also understand how, in today's society, it is difficult to tell whether someone is gay or not and how a quick reading may stop a lot of heartache or potential embarrassment.

But what people want is a yes or no answer and the cards are just not going to give that. What's the point of drawing cards and saying "ooh, yes.. 10 of Wands. Suggests a burden. yes that burden might be sexuality. Or - hang on - 9 of Swords, I think he might be worrying about his sexuality" It's just way off.

If people want yes or no it should be "toss a coin" and would anyone really do that on the subject of another person's sexuality. Basically no cards ever ever give a surefire answer yes or no to "is he (and it's usually a he) gay?" No card whatosever. No combination of cards either.

Relationship questions are - like manda says - what makes the world go round. I'm always happy to do those. However, "is he gay? goes a little beyond that.