Reading Boundaries: Referrals and Refusals

[shadowdancer]

An interesting and valid topic for sure.

And also some very well thought out and reasoned comments.

I am wondering for myself now, if I should gather a list of local professionals in various fields so I have something to give them as opposed to giving the standard "I believe you should take this further and seek help from .... " (Fill in the gap accordingly)

The chances are they may not be in the frame of mind to look up the relevant details, but if I had a list I could give them, it may just give them confidence to make a call if that makes sense. I did have someone years ago who came to my house in a right state (not for a reading I hasten to add) and I phoned the counsellor there and then who worked for our organisation. He spoke to them there and then on the phone and started counselling.

Thanks for this. This thread has given me something I can consider to add to the service I offer locally. It has never happened yet where I have had to consider referring anyone, but that could happen any time. I guess being prepared is key here. I will visit this regularly to see what professionals may apply over and above counsellors, Family Practitioners, etc.

Davina

 

[214red]

the only thing to be worried about Shadowdancer is that if you are referring someone, make sure there is not personal interest angle (like you know the person your referring them to) people can think its a bit of con that your getting money referring people.
But saying that, its nice you keep details to refer people to proper places, i will definately start doing that

 

[greatdane]

That was interesting, Davina

When you mentioned referring to someone else, doctors do it all the time. If one has a primary care doctor, they often refer to specialists. Counselors refer to psychiatrists or vice versa. I think professional readers referring that occasional person who reallly obviously needs help is such a great kindness a reader can do. Anyway, I thought your post and the preceding ones were really compassionate and lovely.

GD

 

[gillian]

We've been talking quite a bit on another thread http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?t=135835&page=1&pp=50 about "opening up a can of worms" for a querent in a reading and then having no way to help them.

This thread has come with great timing, I will be sure to follow it!

I am still quite new to tarot. A good friend of mine's girlfriend is pregnant and he asked me through email if I could please do a reading on the pregnancy. I had never never done a reading like that before. I began with a nice spread on how he could best be there for his child, what he can teach his child, what the child will be like, etc but the cards that came up were very concerning. It made me feel so uncomfortable and worried. It is something that I am certainly not qualified to discuss let alone give a reading on, not a good feeling at all.

I emailed J and told him that I didn't feel comfortable reading on issues such as pregnancy as it is such a mystery and a miracle, that he and his girlfriend can put their trust in those wonderful doctors and nurses. I offered to read for him on how he can best be there to support his girlfriend through out the pregnancy which was a much better reading, it gave me a good, warm feeling.

Looking back, I really felt terrible that I had even ventured out to try the reading in the first place - I guess being quite new, I saw no initial harm in it, my intentions were in the right place but I should have known better as I have read countless times here on AT about medical readings and how those things are better left to professionals. I will certainly remember this advice in future and have learned from the experience.

This is a good topic, we are in to a discussion of ethics lately in this forum which I think is a good thing. It is good for newbies to see that their are consequences to their readings.

Well said! I'm not sure I would consider myself a newbie but it is a good point to keep in mind.

 

[shadowdancer]

the only thing to be worried about Shadowdancer is that if you are referring someone, make sure there is not personal interest angle (like you know the person your referring them to) people can think its a bit of con that your getting money referring people.
But saying that, its nice you keep details to refer people to proper places, i will definately start doing that

I did have that at the back of my mind and would try to have a number from each profession, not just one. That way there will be no indication (I hope) of having a vested interest etc. It is a good point though as I am sure we have all been on the receiving end of that in some way in our lives

Davina

 

[woodsyowl]

gillian; you did what you felt right and comfortable with. one thing i want to reiterate is that you should NEVER feel you have to bow down, say your sorry, beg for forgivness, or plead with anyone in anyway, shape or form for what you felt was the right thing at the time for YOU to do. the readings forum is for people to post on, and have others give there take ON THE CARDS ONLY. not make anyone else feel guilt, shame, or in need of forgiveness, for what they posted. no one can never be judge and jury over anyone. no matter how right they feel about their personal views on readings or anything else. you did nothing wrong, and don't let anyone's personal opinions one way or another, cause you any self-doubt for one moment. sometimes, "newbies," have more insight than the, so called experts. your fine, hun, just the way you are!

 

[Aerin]

I think gillian that you did exactly the right thing. However prepared you are, like Mary says you can find yourself in deep without realising... or not. At least if you are prepared and have thought it through then it's easier though.

For coaching I had medical, legal, psychological lists plus the helplines for various issues (rape, abuse, Samaritans...). One of the most important support groups I had though was other coaches - if I felt I had too strong an opinion then it sort of shrieked "projection" at me so I would refer and get some help myself on the issue

I did know someone who felt that whatever he was working on himself he attracted people with that issue until he sorted it for himself. I don't know if frequent tarot readers have this experience.

Teheuti, you mentioned not reading for people too often. I think this is a very good way of preventing dependency (something that, it seemed to me, was encouraged in the life coaching industry and which I disliked personally and professionally).

 

[moderndayruth]

Looking back, I really felt terrible that I had even ventured out to try the reading in the first place - I guess being quite new, I saw no initial harm in it, my intentions were in the right place but I should have known better as I have read countless times here on AT about medical readings and how those things are better left to professionals. I will certainly remember this advice in future and have learned from the experience.

I also think there is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty or whatsoever, you reasoned and acted really wisely!
Normally i say that i don't do health readings - but there are exceptions, like for two friends of mine who are health care professionals (one is a nurse, other doctor), because they know their stuff and they know my limitations. (Both are spiritual and are usually interested to find out what could be the cause for this or that bothering them.)
Woodsyowl, i believe that people who are experts have dealt with the same stuff - only longer than most of us, that's the difference.
I don't feel people being judged - unless you are referring to many of the longtime posters being against third party readings - i posted in other thread too, if one sees the discussions on what's ethical and what isn't as judgement - as far as i am concerned, let it be so.

 

[Sulis]

Moderator note

Can we please get back to the topic of this thread which is about knowing where our boundaries are as readers and when we should refer?

Some off-topic posts have been removed.

Sulis - Your Readings co-moderator

 

[Aerin]

I did have that at the back of my mind and would try to have a number from each profession, not just one. That way there will be no indication (I hope) of having a vested interest etc. It is a good point though as I am sure we have all been on the receiving end of that in some way in our lives

Davina

That's a good point.

There are a lot of free helplines too, certainly here in the UK and these can be very useful.

I think it is an interesting distinction Teheuti makes between people who just aren't ready/' don't want to know at a given time, and people who seem to be mentally ill. I was once told in a lecture on Huna that if you took away someone's difficulty before they were ready to acknowledge it you also took on their karma for that difficulty (so, basically don't go around "fixing" people who don't want to be fixed). I always thought that Tarot only brings things up that you are ready to see, but well maybe not. Or, as Mary says, maybe as the reader you are just wrong - another place to draw the boundary line.