The Cranky Querent

[Metafizzypop]

Sometimes when people find out I read tarot cards they ask for a reading. Some female sitters ask about love. They'll ask what the
possibilities are for romance between herself and a certain someone.

It's not unusual for bad cards to come up, cards that show no promise for a relationship at all. So I'll tell the person that it doesn't look like love is in the air.

I've actually had people get angry. They get all huffy and puffy and demand to know why why why. Whether it's because the man has too many other things going on at the moment, or because he has no interest in the woman, if I try to explain it to the sitter, even gently, she goes nuts.

I'm still new at reading for other people, and I welcome the opportunity to gain experience. But I can't help but wonder, why are they asking for a reading if they are going to argue with the answer? It seems to me that if a person wants to delve into such issues, they should be prepared for the possibility of an answer they don't like. Or am I just being naive?

I hate having to be the bearer of bad tidings. And I don't want to alienate the people I know. Should I just lie to them and tell them everything will work out? Frankly, I'd rather be honest, because I really hate to see any friend of mine waste her time waiting for a man who simply has no romantic interest in her. Anybody have any advice?

 

[CottonCandy]

I think as a reader, one is supposed to be honest. Gentle, but honest.

From the threads I've read I think we're supposed to try to detach ourselves from feeling anything about whether it seems like the sitter is "getting the message" or not. We're just supposed to deliver the message & what the sitter takes from it is up to them.

At the same time "it's all about the sitter" is quite a 'famous' quote around here & I think most of us, at the core, read for others because we want to help them. If it seems like the sitter is getting nothing from the reading or rejects the message, it's really discouraging!

Some would say if they get angry it means this is something they don't want to face, & it's not our job to drag someone out of denial, merely to plant seeds in their mind that wait for the sitter to be ready for them to sprout.

In the example you gave, they are probably getting angry because they are getting 'rejected' by the guy through you. Nobody likes to get rejected. But getting angry like that, to me, points to immaturity. I don't think you handled things wrong, unless you were really blunt & callous about it.

I also wonder why people ask questions if they aren't prepared to possibly get a negative answer. Maybe they don't think about it? Or they are "sure" they will get a positive answer?

You say you are reading for people you know, maybe you should tell them you don't read about 3rd parties (so you'll read on what they can do to attract the right partner or you'll read on how to improve a relationship they're actually in) or maybe even tell them you don't do readings on romantic relationships at all. That would keep you from having to be the bearer of bad news in that area.

I hope someone will jump in & share their ideas on dealing with angry sitters. I haven't read for many people in person either so I don't know what to tell you.

 

[starrystarrynight]

Maybe you could tell the seeker that since this is her reading, she may not in the "right" position to attract the romantic attention of this other person for the following possible reasons: ...and then go on to explain the Law of Attraction, what energies around herself she may need to take into deeper consideration that are working against her, and then what energies surround the other person that makes him unable or unwilling to be attracted to the seeker.

Sometimes, you get someone who is being totally unrealistic in their desires for romance with another person...the groupie who idolizes a rock star, for instance. You're never going to be able to convince she doesn't have a chance because she's using no common sense in the matter. So, I guess you just have to accept that some seekers will end up hurt and angry. All you can do is try to handle the truth with kid gloves on. And then step away as fast as you can. I don't know...but we've all dealt with this issue...

 

[Chronata]

I'm with Starry on this one.

In these situations...I like to tell the querant that it's all about her. If she wants to go for a particular someone...I give advice, based on the cards, on what she can DO to make this happen...even if the advice is "do nothing right now, and see what is going on first"

Even if I see that two people are horrendously incompatible, and there is never going to be a romance,I can still give the client a feeling of hope.

After all..I have been wrong before, when it comes to a person's free will and choices regarding other people.
Sometimes you don't know how far either party is willing to go. And I always remind them that I can't really see what the other person feels. He's usually not in front of me.
They will have to work that out for themselves.

 

[rota]

If they insist on asking this kind of question, I'll usually ask them before the spread 'what if the cards tell you something you don't like?'.

 

[Metafizzypop]

I want to say thanks to everybody for all your sensible advice and views. I think that what you all said is quite true about these sitters.

If they insist on asking this kind of question, I'll usually ask them before the spread 'what if the cards tell you something you don't like?'.

This isn't a bad idea. I think this might work as a way of getting the person prepared, just in case the cards give bad news.

I think as a reader, one is supposed to be honest. Gentle, but honest.

Yes, I agree with being honest. Or else, what is the point in doing the reading at all?

In the example you gave, they are probably getting angry because they are getting 'rejected' by the guy through you. Nobody likes to get rejected.

This makes sense. They're disappointed and they're taking it out on me. But that's like the old phrase abut shooting the messenger!

Sometimes, you get someone who is being totally unrealistic in their desires for romance with another person...the groupie who idolizes a rock star, for instance. You're never going to be able to convince she doesn't have a chance because she's using no common sense in the matter.

Boy, you can say that again. I think that's the main problem. The people are being totally unrealistic, and using no common sense.

In these situations...I like to tell the querant that it's all about her. If she wants to go for a particular someone...I give advice, based on the cards, on what she can DO to make this happen...even if the advice is "do nothing right now, and see what is going on first"

This is a good idea. Although I must say, it does involve more than just reading tarot cards. Giving advice like this requires a good understanding of human relationships and what makes them work, etc. I'm no master of that, so I'd be flying by the seat of my pants on that one. Still, any advice along those lines might be enough to give the sitter a feeling that she has some control over the situation. Which might help her feel better about things.

Great thoughts, everybody!

 

[SunChariot]

For me, my goal as a reader is always to help and I always keep in mind that that a reading is only a success if when it is done the querent feels better than before it was done. If they feel worse (unhappy of scared) to me, in my viewpoint (some will agree, some will disagree) then something did not work right.

Yes if there is something in the cards, we have to tell them. If it came up then they need to know it. I do tell them if something they may not want to hear comes up. But I never stop there. I look beyond that for reason's life sent them that situation and what they can do to improve it. For me they are always right there in the card if I really look.

My reading style is not "A" is going to happen (A being the thing they don't want).

It's more A needs to happen in their life right now to teach them "B"
(B=specific life lesson they are meant to learn from A that will enrich their lives). And in them meantime they can do "C" to feel better, uplift themselves and/or to work on improving the situation in the best and/or fastest way possible.

That way, to me, they know why it happened and that something good will come of it later as they assimilate the lessons. And they are left knowing what to do to work to solve the situation. And for me that is my prefered way of helping in a reading.

I mean I don't make any of this up. I see it all as part of the answer. I see it in the cards. I guess my cards know I work that way so they tell me things using cards that give me that info.

That's my way anyway,

Babs

 

[Metafizzypop]

SunChariot, you have a great way of handling things. You have a really good approach.

I think that what you're talking about is something that comes with experience and time. It has to be learned by doing.

My reading style is not "A" is going to happen (A being the thing they don't want).

It's more A needs to happen in their life right now to teach them "B"
(B=specific life lesson they are meant to learn from A that will enrich their lives). And in them meantime they can do "C" to feel better, uplift themselves and/or to work on improving the situation in the best and/or fastest way possible.

That way, to me, they know why it happened and that something good will come of it later as they assimilate the lessons. And they are left knowing what to do to work to solve the situation. And for me that is my prefered way of helping in a reading.

That's good advice when dealing with a bad-news reading. It's probably the best way to handle a disappointed sitter. I definitely have to keep this approach in mind. I believe in helping people with tarot too, whenever it's possible.

 

[SunChariot]

SunChariot, you have a great way of handling things. You have a really good approach.

I think that what you're talking about is something that comes with experience and time. It has to be learned by doing.



That's good advice when dealing with a bad-news reading. It's probably the best way to handle a disappointed sitter. I definitely have to keep this approach in mind. I believe in helping people with tarot too, whenever it's possible.

The goal of course is to try to not have a disappointed sitter in the first place. I habitually add all that in as part of the reading. No one's perfect of course and some people will not like hearing what they don't want to hear no matter what you say or do. But you do your best. And usually it works well, in my experience, and people are generally very grateful when they see you're really working to help them.

I think a lot of it comes from your goal(s) that you set as a reader. You have to know what you are trying to accomplish. Once you know what your goal is, then you can work backwards and think of ways to accomplish it. Mine is definitely to be helpful, inspirational, and of course to leave the person feeling better about things, more in control, knowing what to do next...Once you know what you're trying to accomplish, then you can work backwards and figure out how.

It also comes from my life view that everything that can happen to us does so for a good reason, to teach us lessons that will enrich us later on. So why not tell them the reason so they can see the good that will come of a situation they are not crazy about?

Also it comes from my belief that Tarot is a system of duality. As is the world I suppose. Hot/cold, up/down, dark/light. Eg if you have a room that is hot and you take away the heat you are left with cold. If you have a dark room and take away the darkness you are left with light. ...I think to create balance in a "negative" reading you need to not stop at showing the negative side, but you need to add in the positive side as well. OTherwise things unbalance and the querent feels it. Again, I'm not making these things up, I do see them in the cards of course. For me, that part fo the answer is there in the cards if I look.

Although I don't go looking for negative things to tell them about a positive reading. To me, positive readings are already "balanced". But negativity can create a sence of things being unbalanced.

Babs

 

[SunChariot]

Maybe you could tell the seeker that since this is her reading, she may not in the "right" position to attract the romantic attention of this other person for the following possible reasons: ...and then go on to explain the Law of Attraction, what energies around herself she may need to take into deeper consideration that are working against her, and then what energies surround the other person that makes him unable or unwilling to be attracted to the seeker.

Excellent advice right there.

If something's not working, knowing why is very helpful.

Babs