The Cranky Querent

[misfitknits]

great topic, metafizzypop. i would like to start by saying that i think the scenario you have brought up is probably the reason that all tarot card MEANINGS now have a pretty positive slant to them. for instance: death doesn't mean you are going to die, it means you are going to be reborn. or 5 of pents: you are going to feel like you have nothing, and you may, in fact, lose everything, but there is still hope. none of them are just: this is a terrible situation. period.

i understand WHY this has happened, and why tarot card meanings have transformed over many years. but sometimes, bad things happen. shit happens. and you have to pick yourself up and deal with it. delving into that any further would completely hijack this thread, but my point is that sometimes you just have to face the facts, and some people *sitters* are not ready to hear or DO that.

i agree with rota. especially if you are reading for people with whom you have a relationship (friend, family member) because you that would be a really silly way to end a relationship *not on your part, on theirs, but it will still come back on you*.

so before you read for someone ask them are they prepared for ANY answer. not only good answers come from tarot. also, for friends and family members, ask them if, regardless of what the tarot says, are they going to hold you responsible for the outcome. if they show you that absolutely CAN NOT do this, then i would politely tell them you can't read for them anymore, because you don't want to ruin your relationship.

but this is true of any reading, just as you have pointed out. therefore, i would tell ANY sitter that if they are not prepared for an honest answer, they should wait to do a reading.

of course, i agree with all the other tips in this thread, and there are some great ones!! but i think this should really be the first thing you bring up when ANYONE asks for a reading. and then, you take the suggestions given here, and utilize them when they are needed.

 

[gregory]

great topic, metafizzypop. i would like to start by saying that i think the scenario you have brought up is probably the reason that all tarot card MEANINGS now have a pretty positive slant to them. for instance: death doesn't mean you are going to die, it means you are going to be reborn. or 5 of pents: you are going to feel like you have nothing, and you may, in fact, lose everything, but there is still hope. none of them are just: this is a terrible situation. period.

I don't know what you mean here. The meanings come from US, the readers; where are they writ in stone except by some fairly silly book-writers ? If sitters just went by what it says in some book or other, they could just do it themselves. I may see death as death, as transformation, as a simple end to something... it depends entirely on the reading, the question, the other cards drawn, and the weather - and what I had for lunch, and.... (and that is from one who doesn't even use generic meanings.) A card rarely means exactly the same thing twice anyway. I've drawn 10 Swords as positive - and ten days ago had it drawn for ME as a positive, too.

 

[SunChariot]

Me too, the way I read anyway a card rarely means exactly the same things twice. Usually there is a large variance in meaning from one time to the next.

I don't usually ask the querent if the are sure they want to ask a question and are prepared for ANY answer (because once I ask who knows what will come up) except in very serious situations like life and death situations. EG If someone wants to know if their loved one will survive and upcoming operation (I was asked that once), then I will stop and ask them if they are sure they want to know....It's rare that I ask that first, but some situations just merit it. You can feel in your gut when it's time to ask first.

But

 

[Golden Moon]

Sometimes when people find out I read tarot cards they ask for a reading. Some female sitters ask about love. They'll ask what the
possibilities are for romance between herself and a certain someone.

It's not unusual for bad cards to come up, cards that show no promise for a relationship at all. So I'll tell the person that it doesn't look like love is in the air.

I've actually had people get angry. They get all huffy and puffy and demand to know why why why. Whether it's because the man has too many other things going on at the moment, or because he has no interest in the woman, if I try to explain it to the sitter, even gently, she goes nuts.

I'm still new at reading for other people, and I welcome the opportunity to gain experience. But I can't help but wonder, why are they asking for a reading if they are going to argue with the answer? It seems to me that if a person wants to delve into such issues, they should be prepared for the possibility of an answer they don't like. Or am I just being naive?

I hate having to be the bearer of bad tidings. And I don't want to alienate the people I know. Should I just lie to them and tell them everything will work out? Frankly, I'd rather be honest, because I really hate to see any friend of mine waste her time waiting for a man who simply has no romantic interest in her. Anybody have any advice?

People want to hear what they want to hear. I've had the same issue. They WANT for us to be wrong when we don't tell them what they want to hear. And no, don't tell them what they want to hear. It's like a Dr. getting your test results and there is *SOMETHING* you should be aware of and he tells you its all OK.

 

[Metafizzypop]

People want to hear what they want to hear. I've had the same issue. They WANT for us to be wrong when we don't tell them what they want to hear. And no, don't tell them what they want to hear. It's like a Dr. getting your test results and there is *SOMETHING* you should be aware of and he tells you its all OK.

That's why I'd like to be able to tell people the truth. It's the only honest thing to do.

It also comes from my life view that everything that can happen to us does so for a good reason, to teach us lessons that will enrich us later on. So why not tell them the reason so they can see the good that will come of a situation they are not crazy about?

You know, this sounds really good in theory, but I'm starting to wonder if it's realistic. It can be a real challenge finding the lesson sometimes. For example, if I do a reading for someone, and the reading suggests that he is going to go on a skiing trip and break both legs and both arms in a bad accident, and that he will be incapacitated for a year, and then after recovering, he will walk with a limp for the rest of his life, I'm just wondering what life lesson could be learned from this. I guess the lesson could be, "Breaking bones hurts really bad."

What I'm saying is, sometimes it's hard to figure the lesson out. I think it would require a talent above and beyond reading tarot.

i would like to start by saying that i think the scenario you have brought up is probably the reason that all tarot card MEANINGS now have a pretty positive slant to them. for instance: death doesn't mean you are going to die, it means you are going to be reborn. or 5 of pents: you are going to feel like you have nothing, and you may, in fact, lose everything, but there is still hope. none of them are just: this is a terrible situation. period.

I know what you mean. I've noticed that sometimes keywords are "nicer" these days. I've seen Death as Transformation, the Devil as Temptation, and the Tower as Enlightenment or some other watered-down thing. It seems to be an attempt to sugar-coat the meanings. Although what gregory said is true at the same time. The meanings are within ourselves. Those cards, whatever the keywords or book descriptions say, are ultimately still subject to interpretation by the reader -- for better or for worse.

i understand WHY this has happened, and why tarot card meanings have transformed over many years. but sometimes, bad things happen. shit happens. and you have to pick yourself up and deal with it. delving into that any further would completely hijack this thread, but my point is that sometimes you just have to face the facts, and some people *sitters* are not ready to hear or DO that.

It's true. They're not. Some people can't deal with facts. They don't want to hear anything bad. It's the era of instant gratification, with the emphasis on Gratification. Sometimes people sound a little like spoiled children. They're upset that they didn't get that new toy that they wanted, so they throw a tantrum.

I guess the best approach is to be HONEST, but at the same time to find the bright side of a situation. And if I can't find a bright side, maybe I'll just lie, hahaha.

 

[BeyondtheVeil]

People want to hear what they want to hear. I've had the same issue. They WANT for us to be wrong when we don't tell them what they want to hear. And no, don't tell them what they want to hear. It's like a Dr. getting your test results and there is *SOMETHING* you should be aware of and he tells you its all OK.

I totally agree with this! What is the point in doing a reading for someone when you have to make up something other than the actual message that you got? I see that you can break it to them gently, but break it to them. They need to deal with it realistically instead of living in a dream world or worst yet.. becoming obsessive about something that probably won't happen.

 

[Haizea]

Lying has no sense, but doing a reading to depress someone has no sense either.

One of the meanings of the Devil card for me is Aspirations/Motivation, and I have seen it at work like that. It can also mean a bad mental state, like being very angry. It can also mean a mistake, or a lie.

We probably have different meanings attached to the cards.

 

[FaireMaiden]

Sometimes when people find out I read tarot cards they ask for a reading. Some female sitters ask about love. They'll ask what the possibilities are for romance between herself and a certain someone.

It's not unusual for bad cards to come up, cards that show no promise for a relationship at all. So I'll tell the person that it doesn't look like love is in the air.

The easiest habit to get into is to qualify each reading with: 'AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME'... blah, blah, blah. That way, you put the onus on the free-will of the people involved, instead of it sitting in your lap as the bearer of bad tidings. Nothing in life is guaranteed except CHANGE.

'AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME', gives you the 'out'. As Scarlett O'Hara said, 'After all, tomorrow IS another day.' And truer words were never spoken. Tomorrow' may just BE the day the man she's interested in is ready for love... but not 'AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME'.

I hate having to be the bearer of bad tidings. And I don't want to alienate the people I know. Should I just lie to them and tell them everything will work out?

'Lying' is never acceptable. Presumably, you've gotten into Tarot because you want to know the TRUTH. But, again, it's a 'TRUTH for THIS MOMENT IN TIME'.

Being a 'bearer of bad tidings' goes with the job. If you cannot find a way to speak the 'TRUTH of the MOMENT', then you shouldn't be involved with Reading for other people.

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When you get this 'whaaaaa' from people, (especially women regarding a love interest), you can continue on with an immediate Follow-up Reading. Something like this: 'How will he feel about the possibility of an 'us' in the future?'

Have your querent shuffle, and cut, the cards with this question in mind. When done, lay the top four cards on the table face down. Each card represents a 3-month period of time.

Turn over the first card. It will answer: 'How will he feel about the possibility of an 'us' in 3 months'?

Turn over the second card. It will answer: 'How will he feel about the possibility of an 'us' in 6 months'?

Turn over the third card. It will answer: 'How will he feel about the possibility of an 'us' in 9 months'?

Turn over the fourth card. It will answer: 'How will he feel about the possibility of an 'us' in 12 months'?

If you get a positive 'lover-type' card, great. If they're all crap, then she needs to face facts, stop wasting time, and move on from this guy. Spirit has someone far better in mind for her down the road.

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Now then, I always use, (well, almost always, *lol*), two other decks to round-out a reading... positive or negative. I use 'Goddess Guidance' and 'Healing with the Faeries' decks by Doreen Virtue.

The question at the end of the Reading is: 'What strengthening energy should ________ embrace at this time?' I have them shuffle the 'Goddess Guidance' deck with this question in mind. Take the card off the top, and, there ya go.

The second question at the end of the Reading is: 'What healing energy should ________ embrace at this time?' I have them shuffle the 'Healing with the Faeries' deck with that question in mind. Take the card off the top, and, there ya go.

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I always do these 'Adjunct Readings' because it makes the querent feel that the 'Main Question' is not the end-all / be-all of their life. It gives them something to focus on once the 'Main Reading' is over. They'll get in their car to drive home, and talk to themselves... something like this:

'He doesn't love me, and he's never gonna love me. Shit! What does that Tarot Reader know anyway? I bet she's wrong. Why do I always get these people who don't know anything? I love him and I'm gonna go for him! I know we'd be great together!'

If that's all they've got at the end of their session with you, then, true, you gave them the TRUTH. But, you see, they're in an agitated state now. They don't know what to do with the energy of disappointment... so, most likely, will talk themselves out of facing it and go from the frying pan into the fire. They've got nowhere else to go emotionally and psychologically.

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However, giving them the 'Adjunct Readings' makes the 'self-talk' go more like this:

'He doesn't love me, and he's never gonna love me. Shit! But wait... look at what Spirit said. I got the Goddess 'Hathor'. I'm supposed to be 'Receptive' right now... that Spirit has someone even better for me in store. 'Hathor' says, 'Allow yourself to receive. This will increase your intuition, energy, and ability to give to others.' Maybe I'm not supposed to give my love to that other guy. Maybe I'm supposed to save it for the better one that's coming.

'And the 'Healing' card was the 'New Opportunity' card! I think Spirit really does have someone better for me down the road. I need to work on letting this other guy go... get over my disappointment like the Tarot Reader said, and focus on having the faith that this new guy, this 'New Opportunity' for love, is coming. He's coming! He's coming! I need to get ready, by Goddess!'

See the difference? You gave them somewhere to go... somewhere to channel their disappointment... to somehow turn their lemons into lemonade... which, in my book, is called 'Hope', *s*

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Whether I'm reading for someone at my home, or on the phone, or online, I will always make a copy of all the 'Reading Cards' from the 'Main Reading', the 'Follow-up Reading', and the 'Goddess' and 'Faerie Healing' Adjunct Readings. If I'm at a coffee-shop, or some such, I will ask for their email, and send them a picture of their Reading when I get home. Of course, in order to do this, I have to write down the question, the Cards, and the position of them in the Reading.

In this way, they have something to look at, to keep referring back to. By allowing them to keep looking at the Reading, it teaches them, in a subtle way, to trust, to have faith, to open to their own intuition, little-by-little.

 

[Haizea]

I have gone on thinking of this topic and realize that the perspective of professionals might be slightly different and they feel more pressure to search for the truth, as clients could go to each other and say "Oh, he/she was completely right in everything in my future".

Non-professionals can concentrate more in a question like "How can I help this person?" I especially remember to ask that way when I see a person is quite desperate at the moment. Therefore, I don't lie.

 

[gregory]

We probably have different meanings attached to the cards.

As I said, I don't see how you can attach one meaning to any card. EVERYTHING depends on the moment in time that the reading is done. This holds true even for those who do use generic or their own devised meanings. If - say - 5 Pents comes up with Sun and Chariot, it would have a whole different slant than if it came up with 10 Swords and Devil - even assuming you aren't going by imagery rather than "meanings".